I am the only one giving?

Question

I have been married for 2.5 years. In the past year my husband has become very rude. He makes important decisions without me, including giving away my cats.
He will NOT compromise about anything, when I ask him to compromise he says "I am always right so why should I compromise?" I am very frustrated. He often makes me feel stupid, always correcting little things that I do wrong. I don't mind him correcting me but the way he does it is mean. I ask him if he wants to go out (example: the movies, beach, bowling) He always says no. He hasn't even had intercourse with me in over a month, just says he doesn't feel like it. I am starting to feel like I am the only one trying here.
I understand that marriage is a give and take relationship... but I am the only one giving.

Answer 1

Start with this, go to him and give him this one,
" Honey, I love you to death. You need to understand that. I married a man with desirable character and personality.
I'm beginning to think that guy has left the building. I did not marry my father so you do not get the right to tell me what to do and how to live. I have not given up my right to have my own cats if I like. I am not your child so you can stop with the correction, instructions and the punishment. I will not accept rudeness from you and contempt that i would not accept from a stranger. I have gotten fed up with being refused every request no matter how inoffensive. AND for the life of me I will not accept that you can go for a month without showing me some love, emotional as well as physical. SO if this is the way you want to continue , OUR marriage is OVER. If you want to make some positive changes then we can talk.
Consider this the wake up call. I've had it and I won't take it any more.
There will be some change for the better or I will be looking for other accommodations."

Then sit back and be quiet. Watch the meltdown.

Answer 2

Honey - there is something very wrong here. What gives him the right to give away your cats without your permission. Why does he get to tell you what to do? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this mentally abusive man? What comes next - physical abuse? Marriage is a two way street - people compromise and compliment each other. You should not accept this behaviour from him. You are a human being. Are we that starved for the affections of a man that we lose all sense of ourselves. Please think about spending any more time with him. You do not deserve to be treated like this.

Answer 3

Marriage is all about compromise. I think you should walk a way from the marriage for awhile. He is driving your marriage into the ditch with his demands. Take some time for yourself. I would even seek counseling so that you can get a better handle on what is happening. He sounds controlling and manipulating and it is not going to get better unless you do something. If that means leaving then do it.

Answer 4

Sounds like your husband doesn't respect you as a person at all. Someone that loves you would not treat you like this. Sounds like something else is going on. Can you talk to him at all? IF you think he could get violent, don't discuss, just leave. If you can talk to him, make it clear that he change or you are leaving. And then do it. Don't ask - demand that he get counseling before 2 years turns into twenty years of this. It takes two to make a marriage and he needs to understand that. Good luck!

Answer 5

I think your problem is that he doesn't know how to be a husband. It sounds like he doesn't want to settle down yet and he's probably not realizing all the things he has to do with you and for you to be happy. You can't go up to him on the days both of you all or frustrated and unhappy, you have to go when there's peace in the house and then tell him how you feel in a way it's going to be affective for the both of you. Avoid yelling and TRY to avoid the conflict. And tell him this is not going to get us anywhere if you don't listen to me and if I don't listen to you.

Answer 6

Sounds like you need to take your sweet self somewhere else where you are appreciated....
There is no excuse for that kind of behavior....Some guys just seem to think they have to control everything. It could also be a sign of insecurity on his part. Some folks think they feel bigger by pushing someone else down.
It's your move, you can either take it or make the change. It isn't easy, but it may be necessary to preserve who you are.
Good luck. Let me know how it goes......

Answer 7

Sounds like he is doing all the taking! It is very annoying to have someone correct you. You should go out and bring home 3 more cats. Let him know you are not happy and maybe he will change his ways.

Answer 8

I know you haven't been married that long, and it sounds like you don't need to be. I've dated men like that, and trust me, they didn't last very long. You might want to start getting your ducks in a row and file for a divorce. He is rude, disrespectful and a male chauevenist pig. It's time to get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. Unfortunately you're seeing his true colors and they aren't pretty. This seriously will continue until you make a change .....good luck!!

Answer 9

He sounds like he is quite selfish and inconsiderate. Unfortunately, it sounds like your relationship is headed for divorce unless he starts respecting and including you in decisions.

Try counseling even if you are the only one that goes.

Answer 10

By the sounds of it, he is pretty selfish, and you never can change a selfish person. Be glad 20 years haven't passed with this person!