My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years and he wants to?

Question

he wants to know if i'll marry him, we've talked about having a family, and getting married before, but he just asked me on saturday and i told him yes, the only reason i'm really doubting marrying him is because he was married before, and had has gotten divorced so what should i do?!

what ended his last marriage was that they just started falling apart, they wouldnt sleep in the same room, or even want to be around each other

Answer 1

I am sorry to say this but if you are doubting the relationship then there is a problem. If you talked about getting married before and knew it was want you wanted then there is no problem. If you were together for 4 years then you should know what kind of person he is and if you can see yourself with him in 20 years then get married.

The reason for his divorce you did not mention but he might have not have any control over the reason or not the right person. You could be the right person but only you and him can decide. Talk about your fears with him so that you can both work on the problem.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

How could you have been with a person for almost 4 years and you never discussed this together? People make bad decisions when they are young. My Dad was married once before he married my Mom, they are celebrating their 33rd anniversary this year. Previous performance is not an indicator of what will happen in the future. Think about why he got married and divorced. Then ask yourself if you know him well enough to know the same thing won't happen to you.

Answer 3

If you two have been together for four years, then the fact that he was once married shouldn't be a factor when deciding if you two should get married. Obviously this relationship was far in the past, and just because things didn't work out with his ex doesn't mean they won't work out with you. If you really want to be with him, then there's no reason you shouldn't be. Don't doubt things because of his previous marriage.

Answer 4

most of my friends who have been married multiple times keep making the same mistake.

do you know why he got divorced the first time? any failed marriage has a shared responsibility. not necessarily 50/50 but there is almost always responsibility on both parties.

has anyone told you how much you are like his first wife? this is a big red flag to me. some personality types are incompatible yet some people will keep returning to that same type even though experience tells them not to.

have a goals discussion. how do you each feel about kids? if you want kids, do you want to be a stay at home mom? does he want you to be a stay at home mom? do you want to live in the same type of place? house, condo, etc.? how do you each feel about money? this is huge! money issues are one of the biggest marriage breakers. savings, credit cards, what your financial priorities are should be discussed.

pre marital counseling is an excellent idea. it seems kind of unromantic but if it is properly done it will force you to look at things that may be a problem in the future.

Answer 5

Only you know what happened with his divorce. If it's something that has you so freaked out then dont marry the guy.
Prior divorce in and of itself is not a reason to not marry someone.
I am guessing that there are other reasons to cause your doubt. Talk to a premarital therapist. I recommend this even when everything is rosey!!

Answer 6

that doesnt mean anything trust ur instincts if u love him and u been with him 4 years already its up to u, either u need more time or u want to get marrie now. so make decision based on ur present relationship not the things that happened in the past if u look in the past u will get stuck and not move forward u know he was married before, so u need to know why his marriage failed and if he is willin to learn from his mistakes and if u can firmly say u love him then u take him as he is,. go into it knowin he may have trust issues and others to follow but learn to deal with who he is and learn to know urself enough that u can tolerate certain things be honest with urself about what u truley want if u dont know then dont get married if u do know then take it as it comes dont rush because of love the heart is blind and if u lead with it and close off to the most important things then it may not work . believe in him that u all will make it dont go into ur engagment with doubts . doubts lead to failure

Answer 7

Whatever! You know that really burns me when people say that. My dad divorced my mom and has been married to my stepmom for over 20 years (his second marriage).

My girlfriend once told me she was scared of our relationship because my family has a history of broken relationships. That's just BS. Just bad luck in my family, it doesn't mean we are all the same. Just marry him if you love him, don't go digging for problems.

Answer 8

how old are u and how old is he? Just because someone has gotten divorced before doesnt mean it was them that had the problem in the relationship. His ex wife could of been the reason of their divorce. If you have been with him for 4 years and want to get married-why not.? If you can see it working and you can spend the rest of your life with him, i mean its been 4 years and if there hasnt been any problems with you guys that could potenially be a problem later on in life, and you LOVE eachother----GOOO FOR IT!

Answer 9

Do your values frown on divorce? You're implying he didn't have good cause to divorce his ex, and might have been the reason for the divorce. It seems to me that your issue is with his ex, and the kind of relationship they still have. I think you need to resolve that before marrying him. If it's your value system, you'll have to get over it, or find someone else.

Answer 10

Just because he had a bad marriage is no reason to doubt him. I'm sure he learned a lot from the experience.