I was at my bestfriend house this weekend. She lives with her bf. Her bf's ex-wife has been doing things here and there to make her upset. Well this weekend, her bf's ex-wife came over their apartment complex with her friends & her friends kids to go swimming at the pool there. The ex-wife calls tells my friends bf that she was coming over at the last minute, he told her ok, gave her the code to get into the gate where the pool is & h/u. My friend was upset. Then the ex-wife kept calling the house asking for my friends bf to bring different items to the area were they were cooking out. (It turned out to be a pool party) then the ex calls and invites him up to get a plate of food. I stayed out of it, but I felt that both her bf and his ex-wife were very inconsiderate of my friends feelings. Coming over to swim and have your party is fine,but it was very obvious that she was trying to start something with my friend by calling the house for no apparent reason. What is your opinion?
2007-05-29 04:46:21 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My friend took her bf in the bedroom, and I over heard her telling him (I wasn't trying to hear....lol) that both of them were not being considerate of how she felt. He was like why? Because she came over here to go swimming? I could have slapped him myself!
2007-05-29 04:56:58 · update #1
I can empathize with you. We want to be supportive of our friends and we feel bad for them when they are being hurt.
The behavior of your friends boyfriend is not the behavior of a man who respects the woman he is with.
My ex wives have NO part in my life. My girlfriend knows that she is number one to me and she easily sees by my behavior that there is no threat to our relationship at the hands of my exes. She is secure in knowing that I cleave unto her and no one else.
A good man who loves his woman will never do what that guy did to your friend.
There is probably not too much you can do if your friend accepts this type of behavior. It is up to her to end the behavior. She can accept it or not. It really is that simple. She has very little control over what that guy does, but she has 100% control over what she will accept and tolerate.
I hope she will respect herself enough to do what will make herself feel respected. If she stays and allows herself to be treated that way then 100% of that couple will be disrespecting her. If she stands up to the bad behavior, then he can choose whether he respects her or not. If he chooses to respect her, then 100% of the people in the relationship will be respecting her. If he chooses to continue his bad behavior, then she can move out and respect herself and put herself in the position of finding someone who WILL love her and respect her.
The first step to being respected is to respect herself, even if it means being alone. I have found that I am happiest when I am respecting myself and not allowing ANYONE else to treat me wrongly, even if it means being alone. I can hold my head up knowing that at least, I love me.
I just read your additional comment.
This guy does not love her. I hope she will love herself and get out.
2007-05-29 05:08:40 · answer #1 · answered by Alvin York 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ex wife was trying to start something as you put it. The whole reason of calling the house was two fold. 1) So that the new girlfriend knew that she was there. 2) that she still involve in someway with the man even if fictitious. Pretty much she was trying to play head games with the your friend. The solution to this lies withing the make. He has to put a stop to it. If you are done with a relationship then you are done. There is no kind of done. He should had said something about it like hey I'm not your servant, I let you used the pool but after that you are on your own. Don't get me wrong, he could had been a victim too. Maybe he was trying to be nice and the ex was pulling these stunts. Maybe this is the reason why they broke up. Regardless, have your friend tell his boyfriend to limit contact with the ex. Make him understand that what the ex was doing was trying to cause a disruption in the relationship.
2007-05-29 04:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by mr_gees100_peas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to go along with the majority. This was rude and inconsiderate. I think that your friends bf should have considered your friends feelings. Why in the world would an ex-wife want to be around her ex-husband? A ex should remain an ex! Unless there is something still between them. I would talk to your friend and tell her to talk to her man and see what's up?
2007-05-29 05:20:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are different variables on that one. I think it depends on how they interact and as far as the children are concerned. The other thing is, and I have to bring this up because it's a big part of it, is how secure you are with your relationship and yourself, you know? I'm in the exact same situation right now with my significant other, he has two kids by his ex wife, but they're civil and neither one wants back with the other. I know her and get along with her. She's not coming across like she's out to make him or me feel uncomfortable. I'm ok with that. If it truly bothers you, discuss it with him. Here's the thing, she's always going to "be there" because she's their mother. The difference is whether she's causing problems because the two of you are together and if she cares or not. My bf's ex doesn't care, period. You know what I mean? Just discuss it with him and see what he says, he can probably give you a great idea on how things are. If he's not bothered by it and there aren't any signs of things to change, you'll be fine =)
2007-05-29 05:08:51 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be wondering why the ex-wife is even coming over there. She doesn't live there and I would think the pool would be for tenants and their guests only. He needs to get some balls and tell his ex that she's not welcome there. Unless.............he likes having her around. He's not being very sensitive to what his current gf's feelings are.
She needs to have a little conversation with him and explain how this is making her feel. If he's willing to let the relationship continue the way it is, then it's time for her to think about getting a new bf.
That's just my opinion.
2007-05-29 04:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by momma mia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there was an apparent reason for the ex to act the ay she did.
Dont forget the apparent reason that the boyfriend acted so disrespectful of your friend.
remember, these two were MARRIED at one time. There is still something going on between them (emotional or other).
Your friend should think long and hard about the terms of her relationship and if it's worth staying in
2007-05-29 04:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by selery222 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very rude and very odd... who throws a party at someone else's house... even if it's an apartment.
Your friend just needs to talk to her bf about it and how it bothers her and hurts her feelings.
2007-05-29 04:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to address this with her mate and if he doesn't do anything about it, it's time for her to move on...
2007-05-29 04:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by Faye 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if i was her i would have been very upset.... you should tell our freind that she needs to be with someone who is going to respect her cause what he did was rude !!!!
2007-05-29 04:51:05 · answer #9 · answered by sassy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋