Rays of light shine of a summer's morning rise.
Through my bedroom window you sneak in
and wake me with the a.m’s glow.
As a thief you steal me from deep sleep,
caressing warmth skin deep.
Embracing fine white fibers upon this bed
and on my head, a kiss you lay.
Igniting the day, warming my soul
I welcome your warmness.
Will pardon you of a dream you stole.
As you will forgive the creeping night
taking your light.
Rays of light shine of a night's starlight.
2007-05-29 03:59:22 · 5 answers · asked by dreamer 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Have to agree with graceful g
A smooth flowing delivery of classical flavours in the first verse gives way to a second verse that is in fact a sonnet very much in the Shakespearean tradition. Short enough to be considered as a whole with clean lines and simplicity of lyrical form. Wouldn`t you agree graceful g?
2007-05-29 05:11:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sweet poem.
Remarks:
-good one
-message is clear
-commendable achievement
-Somewhat(too) Literal
-Some words/lines do not complement each other
-I see some(pardon me) funny lines like "fibers upon this bed"
-why "a.m's" glow?
-Title please.
-Consider equalizing the numbers of words,lines, and paragraphs
-Make another so I can compare with your other poems
2007-05-29 12:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by JD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds a powerful passionate love poem. I like the parallelism of the structure and style. First stanza referring to day, second to night.
2007-05-29 11:25:43 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good, but needs refining.
2007-05-29 11:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by PATRICIA MS 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its so beautiful.
When did u write it???
2007-05-29 11:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by AndyLove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋