This is a poem i wrote last night about a girl who hates her body?
I need your advice on this poem i wrote last night?
In need of some real opinions here!?
is it okay bad or good?
their looks and body i despise
anger and jealousy soon arise
a need for perfect i cannot subdue
im alone down here with no one but you
always so critical always so mean
with all these troubles i must come clean
i hate when i breath, it means im still here
im living my life with nothing but fear
Additional Details
10 minutes ago
its about a book i read, not my life
9 minutes ago
im 13 lol. way to weird for me right, but stilll its about a depressed girl in a book
2007-05-29 03:45:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i am 13, too! but i can't write poetry! this is an amazing poem, i love it! you should submit it to a website or something, but NOT poetry.com. that website is a scam.
id give you a 10/10! your poem is excellent, and i love the lead (the first 2 lines) and your ending.
2007-05-30 03:33:55 · answer #1 · answered by ~*LEAH*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. You should be proud of your talent for poetry, but be careful not to focus on negative things--poetry can be happy, too.
Also, in the seventh line, "breath" should be "breathe." Other than that, though, it was good.
2007-05-29 03:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by amiwhiskers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
welldone 9/10
2007-05-29 03:53:52 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent 9.5/10
good flow and interesting, vigorous approach
2007-05-29 05:17:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really good, a little disturbing, but good poetry!
2007-05-29 03:54:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i give you marks. your marks are 7/10
2007-05-29 03:49:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes full of feeling
2007-05-29 05:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by ANN 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its good!!!
you should join a creative writing class!!!
MUAH*
2007-05-29 03:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
pretty good :)
2007-05-29 03:53:34 · answer #9 · answered by vollieballchick18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋