What should I do/say to him?

Question

I have a friend who I have known for the past 18 years on and off and we get on well, he has always been a bit moany and groany and he has flash ideas about travelling and getting jobs abroad of which I have no interest. These past few years we have come to rely on each other, we are both 25. For the past 4 months I have been going out with someone (my first girlfriend), he has never had one so far and all I get is do you want to go travelling, my life is so s**t, what should I do? when he knows I want to move out with my girlfriend in October. Lately me and my girlfriend have had some disagreements and the first thing he said was you should do what you want most of the time and that I shouldn't settle for second best and he has also been calling me "Norbit" and saying that I should stand up for myself when I know in the back of his mind all he wants is his drinking buddy back and he puts me down and says things like I shouldn't be bossed around

Answer 1

Well, you are right - he wants his buddy back.

Thing is, with his moaning and whining and air-castles, do you really want him back as close as you once were?

He sounds like a bit of a downer to me - and it also sounds like you've outgrown him as well.

Try making new buddies - both men and women so you won't be so dependent on him - and so he'll be forced to look elsewhere for a crying towel and supporter of his pipe dreams.

Now then, as for standing up for yourself - you can definitely say, "You're right. I need to stand up for myself - and that means you too. Joey, please can-it with the moaning and groaning. If your life is all shot to pieces, then I suggest you get your act together and do something about it. I'll be happy to support your efforts - but I am tired of being your sole soul-mate."

As for your girlfriend. First romances rarely work out - that isn't to say that yours is doomed - but understand that this is your first romance - you're bound to make mistakes. So learn from your mistakes - and get your very own place - not with Joey and not with Girlfriend - by yourself.

Answer 2

Hi Jon, yes, I think too that you have outgrown this friend of yours. You don't have to drop him, but he is not being an asset in your life. It is time at age 25 to start to live your own life and make your own decisions. He sounds like he isn't stable in his own life and he drinks, he has a long way to go. But you don't have to follow his influence. It is time to grow up and get your own life. The first person you should stand up to is him. I don't know what Norbit means, but I assume it is not something you like hearing. So, does he demean you so as to manipulate you for what he wants you to do? And maybe he would like to see you drop your girlfriend because he doesn't want to lose his buddy to her. I think it is time to put some distance between you and him. Be your own person and start living life the way YOU want to. Getting away from him is a good start.