Why is my friend acting like this?

Question

I have a friend who I have known for the past 18 years on and off and we get on well, he has always been a bit moany and groany and he has flash ideas about travelling and getting jobs abroad of which I have no interest. These past few years we have come to rely on each other, we are both 25. For the past 4 months I have been going out with someone (my first girlfriend), he has never had one so far and all I get is do you want to go travelling, my life is so s**t, what should I do? when he knows I want to move out with my girlfriend in October. Lately me and my girlfriend have had some disagreements and the first thing he said was you should do what you want most of the time and that I shouldn't settle for second best when I know in the back of his mind all he wants is his drinking buddy back

Answer 1

This is a difficult situation. I had a best friend for 11 years, she was everything to me, like family. I had always been in relationships whilst we had our friendship and made sure I always kept in touch with her and had our mate time. She got into a serious relationship 2 years ago and since had a baby. I no longer see her and get the odd email. She has totally changed. I think what you need to do with your mate is just tell him you have a seperate life and are serious about your girlfriend, but if he ever needs you that you will still be there for him. Just be sure not to loose all contact with him as this is what I found hurtfull.

Answer 2

Tell him not to depend on you to define his life. You need to get out of the roomy situation regardless of what you end up doing with your girlfriend. Remind him that he will not find anyone until he becomes independent of you.