Been married for 17 years, three kids,together for 25. The last 8 years of marriage awful. Lots of verbal abuse, physical when we were dating, only twice, while we were married in the last 5 years, punch holes in doors and walls, verbal abuse, walking on eggshells and making mine and my kids lives miserable. Saying some really nasty things. Beg to go to counceling 6 years ago, he wouldn't do it. Kept tellilng him that my feelings were changing everytime he would explode or do the verbal abuse thing. Still wouldn't go to counceling. I did wrong thing (I still feel guilty). I called my ex boyfriend from 27 years ago and yes, my first love. He was married & unhappy, well things happened and it has been 3 years we seen eachother off and on. Were found out, tried to work things out with spouses still couldn't keep away from eachother,even if only talking on the phone. Stil love him, w/ husband now, ex divorced now, but wants me. Husband is trying to change, what about my feelings?
2007-05-29 02:10:53 · 13 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a divorce first.
2007-05-29 02:15:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Where to begin...
First, you say your husband is trying to change. Does that include agreeing to go to counseling this time? You definitely need it.
25 years is a lot to throw away. If your husband is willing to try with you, you should put this other romance on a back burner and stop cheating and give your marriage a chance. Tell your first love that you need to figure this out once and for all, he will understand, and you won't be pulled in two directions as much while you discover whether your marriage is worth saving.
Your husband is a lucky man to have found a woman who would tolerate his behavior while he matures at such a slow rate. He needs to realize that above all else. But he's not luckky to have married a cheater.
The violent behavior must absolutely end, or leave, regardless of whether this first love is around or not.
Your first love may be a fantastic fit for you, or not. Marriage to someone is very different from the romance you have had with him the last three years. Take a good look at who he really is, aside from how he romances you, if you decide to split from your husband and pursue this romance.
The most important thing is that you don't try to live two lives at once. That will only make the right decision harder to see.
2007-05-29 02:26:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and him can't work things out soon, very soon, at the very least try a trial separation and see if this makes you both happier or more miserable. I hate it when couples stay together but one and both are unhappy. It makes everyone else unhappy too. Your happiness is more important than his so do what your heart really tells you to do. Don't jump straight into a relationship with your first love again during the separation if there is one. Just be really good friends and lean on each other for support. Really try working things out with the husband first (you married him for a reason right so something must have been good) and if things can't be fixed then start things off with the first love. Stay faithful to which ever one you choose though. It wouldn't be fair to cheat.
2007-05-29 02:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by AngieBaby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're in a pretty sticky location. I'd suggest deciding for yourself whether your husband's improving the way you want him to. I don't know your ex - I can't tell his character; is he a smarmy asshole or a nice guy? Talk to those who know him, talk to friends, and keep in mind that a man who pursues a married woman, particularly someone who cheated on his wife, may have a hard time being faithful to you. Biologically, some people are more wired to be less monogamous - it's a combination of hormones and upbringing, though their own free choice mediates it, but take your time .
2007-05-29 02:27:03 · answer #4 · answered by Katharine D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you can not make your marriage work with another man in the picture. it just wont work. if you are unhappy with no outside distractions, like an ex b/f...meaning if the ex was not in the picture, are unhappy with your marriage? if you feel its not working, going to work, and never will work, then yes get out it. an abusive relationship is not good for anyone. and you know your kids are miserable. why do this to yourself or your family?
if you want your marriage to work, give your hubby one last chance. if it does not work out, hit the door, then see about someone else. when your marriage has played its course without you trying to hurry and get out for someone else, you can make clear decisions.
2007-05-29 02:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by knk724 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get yourself and your children out of this abusive situation. If you really want to be with this other man wait until everything goes through and start seeing him. But your children come first no matter what...having an affair is not in your children's best interests and is nearly as bad as your husbands verbal abuse.
2007-05-29 02:34:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel guilty! Think about what your husband did to you! I think hat that first answer was ridiculous! If someone treats you bad leave! No person should take bad treatment after all it was him who broke up the rules of happy marriage first!! Divorce him, he had his chance, and take it slowly with your first love! Good luck dear!
2007-05-29 02:27:06 · answer #7 · answered by Kittykat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your husband is trying to change now but you have feelings for your first love its not going to work for you and your husband because you have put a wall up between you but you shouldn't have stayed with him for that long if he was treating you that bad you need to do what will make you happy good luck
2007-05-29 02:19:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
in basic terms a twelve months in to the marriage and you men are already giving up?? Sounds to me such as you by no potential ought to are growing to be to be married, alongside with ninety 5% of the married inhabitants those days. seek for marriage counseling. you are able to no longer "make" somebody stay in love with you, yet a counselor can help which includes your communique and previous matters.
2016-11-23 13:59:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG i hate when people cheat on other people and you should feel like the scum of the Earth!!!! But i guess i can help. Ummm, who do you love? You need to decide if you love your hubby stay FAR away from your mister. IF you love mister, and no he is the one, divorce hubby. I no it sucks but you cant have both.
2007-05-29 02:21:01 · answer #10 · answered by goody2shoes_75 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry, you wont wanna hear this, but you dont leave a marriage because it gets rocky... you took VOWS, honor them... the grass LOOKS greener with that "first love" but it will be Just as bad if not worse than your marriage
work on the marriage and forget the other man
2007-05-29 02:14:55 · answer #11 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋