I am with a wonderful man and I realize I need to pick and chose my battles. However, he does not clean, cook (rarely), pick up after himself, does not pay any bills (I do them all), wash clothes.......should I go on. He does not help with everyday things and it is really frustrating. I have been nice comfronting him, scream and yelled, left notes as hints and nothing works. Remember he is a great guy otherwise so all the above is not worth leaving him but I don't know what to do. Is one day going to drive me over the edge.
2007-05-29 02:02:38 · 10 answers · asked by aintlifegrand 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
To the person below we have a great sex life he is just lazy!!!!!!
2007-05-29 02:34:21 · update #1
In every relationship there is a division of power. It is rarely 50/50. For some couples, one partner is comfortable giving up most of the power to their partner and a 90/10 split works fine. For others, it is a constant struggle of trying to gain more power or maintaining their dominance.
Your man is not willing to give up his power and you seem to grow increasingly uncomfortable with your lack of power. One of you must change or you will not last.
You do the bills so you can start shifting the power by taking control of the finances. Tell him you need more of his money to take care of the things he refuses to do around the house. You have to let him know there is a price to pay or nothing will ever change.
2007-05-29 02:14:49 · answer #1 · answered by lunatic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a question for you, if he doesnt do anything to help, exactly when is a great guy otherwise? Part of maintaining the at home relationship is helping. Doing the laundry, simple things like picking your own clothes off the floor and putting them in the hamper. Cleaning up after shaving, small things. The problem you face is that you have done everything possible to get him to help and it hasnt worked. The last possibility is to not even do it yourself. But thing of the chaos for yourself before you go that far.
2007-05-29 09:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by dave n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to have a serious talk with this man, I don`t think he`s taking you seriously, if you live together he has equal responsability in the everyday things,you are not his slave or his maid, so here`s what I think you should do: don`t pick up after him, don`t cook,just hand him a microwavable dinner, leave the bills on the table and don`t wash his laundry, and he will notice that things aren`t getting done for him and he will confront you and that would be a perfect time for you to have a long and serious talk.
2007-05-29 09:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by Goth Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We have a leech! Maybe this man is a great guy to you, because he knows you will pay for everything he wants and clean up everything. HOw long have you been together? Does he work a lot? It may sound lame and you may even know but working an eight or more hour shift is killer, but still he should help with something! Reminds me of my stepdad when I was a kid. Just tell him to do one thing every day and see how it goes.
2007-05-29 09:06:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well - think about what he does do.
How about cutting the grass, fixing up the house, painting, taking care of the cars, or any of the 'outside' house maintenance?
I help my wife a lot inside the house, and she's started to realize how much I do outside the house too...in fact she's started to help me a bit out there. So, it's a give-and-take deal, but I'm far from lazy. It just seems the stuff you mentioned is all indoor stuff, and there's lots of 'housework' that happens outside, too. Who does that?
2007-05-31 13:56:08 · answer #5 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are looking for an egalitarian partnership in the long term, this guy does not fit the bill. Issue him an ultimatum of what kind of relationship both of you want and both of you have to work on it. Despite being great in bed he is, do not allow him to control you in this respect. He might be using it to make you submissive and control you knowing that you won't leave him.
Show him who is in control and evaluate your current relationship with future implication in mind. As they said, leopard never changes its spot.
2007-05-29 14:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by bullseye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell us - what's so great about this adolescent, lazy freak? Must be especially good in bed for a girl to put up with all his crap! Ya know, if ya look around for a bit, there are those of us who cook, clean, shower daily, shave - and are better lovers than HE could ever be! Dump him and find one of us.
2007-05-29 09:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Where is the good in him. By what you said he doesnt seem like a "great guy" sounds like a bum. What does he do? Hopefully he has a job. If not, run for your life.
2007-05-29 09:07:39 · answer #8 · answered by zeppelin412 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick him in the *** tell him if he wishes to stay with you that he must start doing thing around the house ask him what make him think that your his mom give him a time line to make changes if thing don't get any better he out the door you don't have to take his mom place it's time for him to grow up
2007-05-29 09:13:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously he thinks you are the one at fault and are not keeping pace in the bedroom he no longer finds you attractive and therefore is making you work to make you attractive again
2007-05-29 09:06:39 · answer #10 · answered by The Genius 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋