ok ...im having husband issues regarding work...?

Question

My husband and I work together. We both make really good money so changing jobs is out of the question. We get along fine at work but he brings work home all the time. Its like his life is revolved around work. He is the director of transportation so he works crazy hours and I am doing EVERYTHING at home not to mention having a 4 yr old and 6 month old. I feel as though he is addicted to work. Ive talked to him about it and he says it will get better...but I feel like it is really wearing on our relationship...im getting worn out doing everything around the house and regarding our personal life. Any suggestions?

Hiring someone to clean is a great idea...but that still doesnt fix the fact that my husband is obsessed with work...

To answer the questions by all of you on why I am also working is so that we can have a confortable life. If he just works with all of our bills and 2 children we will be cutting it tight and we dont want to live that way. I spend a lot of time with my children and make it a major point to do so...but every time he is home his phone is ringing off the hook with calls from drivers or some issue and he works every day from 7am until usually 8-9 pm...its like im a single mom...

Answer 1

Well first of i would hire someone to help you around the house and with the kids. Tell him that if he needs to bring home work ask him if there is anyway that he can limit it to 2 or 3 days a week so that the other days are reserved for you and the children. In order for your relationship to work there has to be 50/50 understanding and commitment to ones self your spouse and your children . One person alone cannot run the relationship. I would speak to him again and tell him honey this is wearing on me also i feel like we are strangers in our own home. I need yuo to be attentive to the children and i more. i know your job is important but your job isnt your life your children and i are and we need to know that yuo are there for us and care about us and not just care about work . Make sure he knows that you appreciate all the hard work he does but he also needs to know that you need attention as well as the children.. Plan a nice night out for you and the family and tell him not to bring work home go on a picnic or something relaxing im sure he needs it as well as you. Then hire a sitter for the night and spend some alone time with your man .. Good luck hon i wish you all the best i really do.

Answer 2

It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice to make a really successful business. When you set up a business you should be prepared to work tirelessly for at least 5 years. Once the business is off the ground and is obviously very successful, then you can start to take it a bit easier. Has this business been up and running for over 5 years? If it has, then he can afford to take it a bit easier. If you are both making good money, then obviously the business is a successful one. You can be a silent partner you know and not actually help run the business.....If your husband's work commitments are impinging on your relationship then something will eventually give. If the business is not yet at its peak, then give it a bit more time. Your husband obviously has goals. Ask him what those goals are and when does he think it will get better. Ask him to give you a time frame because as it stands now, you dont think you can handle much more. Maybe the best bet is to go see your accountant and see what can be done in making you a silent partner and getting an income which will give you time to care for your children and attend to the house. If it is a succesful business.....then do you really have to work or could he employ someome to take your place......at least for the next 12 months or 2 years? There is a solution. If you think your marriage is in jeopardy, then maybe you might have to just tighten your belts and be a one income family for a while.

Answer 3

1. Do get a house keeper

2. Schedule time alone with just you and he with no kids, no cell phones and no work to distract you from each other even if it is just a walk around the block holding hands and discussing the weather.

3. Talk to each other. He can not read your mind and you can not read his. He may truly not realize just how much he is bringing work home with him.

4. Set a time for discussing his work related issues together. If he has a specific time that the two of you sit down together, hold hands and just talk out what is bugging him about work then agree to put it aside until the next time he may be able to let go and enjoy his family again.

5. Write down the household duties and discuss with your husband which ones he wants to be responsible for and which ones will be your responsibility. If you happen to have a bit more time at home then there may be more on your list but at least he will see that you need help.

6. Once the duties have been divided then try to set days that certain things get done that way you are both held responsible and will have in mind what needs to be accomplished that day.

7. Set a "date night" at least once every two weeks. Even if it is just getting a babysitter and going out for pizza. It is time that the two of you can just be grown ups together and remember what it was that brought you two together in the first place.

Answer 4

Unlike some of the other answers, I would like to address what I think you find most annoying...that he never stops thinking about work. Yes, there might be household issues, but you no doubt can fix those.

But what you might be saying is that he is totally distracted by work and you feel alone and cut off from him. So, certainly you need to talk about this. It is a common marital problem with working couples with kids from what I have heard, even if the husband is doing his fair share of the household work.

You probably need to spend some of that extra money you have doing things outside the home and going on get away weekends. Counseling might work too, if all he wants to talk ab out is work problems.

By the way, is there a reason to think the work situation will change? If there is, do what folks are suggesting but talk to him about reconnecting emotionally. If there is no real chance of it changing, there are two issues: the company is at fault and will continue to abuse him. Or he is struggling in his job (or the company is struggling to survive). If that is a real possibility, you might need to reassess your career situations.

I do also agree with those who said that you might want to quit working for a few years till the kids are in school. But I would not do that if you think his or both of your jobs are in jeopardy.

Answer 5

Talk to him about it. Tell him how you're feeling. This isn't an issue with the two of you working together...it is a relationship issue. Plan a date night once a week. If the money is good...hire help...get a cleaning woman to come in once a week to lighten your load. Is he addicted to work or is this what is required of his position? Since he has said that it will get better....and it hasn't....you need to take it to another level. SIt him down and make him set aside a certain day or number of hours when he is your husband and not the director of transportation. If he values your marriage...he will do it. I was watching Marla Maples last night on tv and she was saying that it was Trump's constant need to make deal after deal and to be totally focused on business that cost her her marriage. Give him stuff to do around the house and then don't do it even if he doesn't do it. It's your marriage that is at stake.

Answer 6

That's a tough situation to be in especially considering that you have already talked to him about it. I personally think that you need to sit him down, without any distractions and tell him this is a serious issue for you and that you are partners both at work and at home and that he has more of a responsibility to his family than he does to his job.

Understand that his job is important to him and he probably thinks he is doing good by the family for helping to secure your financial future, not that you aren't as well. Maybe he just doesn't understand the seriousness of it. Let him know that it is putting a strain on your relationship and that it needs to stop.

During the same conversation tell him what you need help with and discuss how he can do that. Or just let him know what it is you need him to do from now on, specifically. Don't allow him to brush you off and discuss it another time.

If you decide to hire some of the work out, fine. But he does need to understand that children need BOTH of their parents and that you both have a responsibility to be a part of your children's daily lives. Ask him what memories he is creating with them when he isn't around and if he is fulfilling the goals as a father that he had when you first got pregnant. Father's have a much more important role in child rearing than just financial. He will regret not being a larger part of their lives when they are grown and out of the house.

You need to do this now before serious resentment sets in.

Hope it works out well for you.

Answer 7

Your husband is obviously more career minded and ambitious than you are. I doubt you can do anything to change that.
But with a 4 year old and a 6 month old and with you working, you do need some help and as the father of the children and your husband, it is his responsibility to step up and give you what you need.
It is all about compromise. He should be able to agree to taking on certain responsibilities in the home. The evasive "it will get better" answer will not cut it.

Answer 8

One thing you and your husband need to do is take time out to spend with each other even if its only 30min a day. I know he has days off so on those days it should be spent with the children.

If he is director of transportation it is possible that there is a backlog in work and it needs to get done or people won't get paid. He also might be going through an audit. So hold tight and be patient it will get better

Answer 9

First I would hire a house cleaner, to help lighten the load. It would be nice for your husband to help out more around the house, but that seems unlikely. The better bet is a house cleaner.
Second I would make rule that all work related aspects stay at work. That means no bringing home work to do and also no talking about work while at home.

Answer 10

Welcome to married life. It's not always easy, and as the wife, you end up carrying most of the load, where the house and kids are concerned. I've been in your shoes. All I can say is it will get better. Especially as the kids get older. That frees you up a lot. My husband works 60-70 hours a week, so I am the one that does the house and the kid stuff, but he's trying to provide a good living for all of us, so I try to be as understanding as I can. It can get frustrating, so I rejuvenate with a girls night out once a month to let my hair down and get away from it all.
(This is one of the - for better or worse stages)