My husband and I have been married for 5and a half years, no kids. I have cheated on him before and he has taken me back. He is a great guy, but I don't think that I love him anymore and it is hurting him really bad because he doesn't feel the same as I do. I got married right after I turned 17, he was 27. I have tried to be happy with our life together, but I always find that I am not? Help please???
2007-05-29 00:37:28 · 29 answers · asked by clhes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is sad to be in this situation.As a wife, every woman hopes to be able to love a husband dearly. Sometimes, the love dies slowly. Of course, there are factors that can push a marriage to a loveless situation. It is difficult to bring loves back into the marriage. Things like love can never be forced upon. Hopefully, it grows again.
In the meantime, what should you do? Stay or leave? Making such decision is another painful process. Most of us are creatures of habit. Imagine leaving someone after being together for many years. Can you cope with that feeling? If you can, well good for you.
As for him, if you decides to go for the lack of love for him, he has to face the reality. It is painful but being with him when you no longer can love him is terribly painful for both of you. Try separation for awhile. Maybe you would treasure when he's not with you. Do it in good faith. Don't make it as if it's the end of the world. Get him to understand your feeilgs. Take time to listen to him too, He needs to be heard.
May you find a way that helps to bring happiness with or without him. Take care!
2007-05-29 01:09:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly the answer is different for everyone because everyone experiences the feeling of love differently, But I can tell you that if you have to ask then it is time to have a heart to heart with yourself, and cheating is one of your biggest clues ( from what you have posted). If after your "time to your self" you find that your feelings have changed so much that you are sure that salvaging the relationship is past the point of no return, then immediately sit your husband down and tell him. It is absolutely not fair to continue in this when you don't feel the same about him- it is almost cruel. I believe getting married at 17 is quite young because, I am assuming, that you haven't had time to "get out there" and I am not talking about sex. How do you know what will really make you happy if stopped at the first great guy that came along. Tell him and if you have- make sure he hears you this time and then take your time with your next steps in life.
2007-05-29 01:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by Tamirria Taiki S. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I am not married to my fiance yet but after May 20/07 we will be united. So I hope that you don't mind if I answer your question as loving my significant other. Yes I have to report that I am deeply and honestly in love with this woman who has come into my live to bless it with her beauty and spendor. She has brought much happiness into this old mans life. We have such an open and honest sense of communication, the most important thing in any relationship, and are able to discuss anything. So yes I do feel lucky to be with this lady. I have a pretty colourful past and am also physically challenged and she has accepted me even with all my charcter defects. And she is totally blind to my disablity and told me long before we ever met, when we were just chatting on line, that the only difference between me and others is that my disability is visable but that we all have challenges somehow and some cannot be seen in others. I tell her often how grateful I am to have her and to be able to love her like I do. Cause the simple matter of the fact is that she is a very attractive and talented lady and could have done a lot better than me in her selection for a life mate. But she choose me and for that I will remain forever grateful. I look forward to growing old with her and don't believe that that stuck feeling will ever stick it's ugly head into this relationship.
2016-05-20 05:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think that if you don't have kids then maybe you should just try separation. That way you can see everything from a different perspective. Love is also a choice not just a feeling. You have to choose to be with him and love him. If your heart is not in it then you need to let him go so he can find someone that will make him happy. Of course you deserve happiness also. If you are not happy, and there are no children involved I would definitely move out for a while and see what happens and how you feel. Life is too short to stay in a relationship you are not excited about.
2007-05-29 00:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by ginger 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's only a young man, and you are even younger. I really dont think you have to ask this question because you already know you dont love him any more. I think you also realise you married too young. That's OK, we all make mistakes. It will only be a bigger mistake if you hang onto this marriage knowing you are not in love with him. Staying out of responsibility and guilt is no reason to stay married. Your husband needs to be loved too and if you cant love him like that, then set him free to find someone who can love him like that. Sure, he will hurt, he will grieve, but he will eventually get over this....he will move on and find someone else. I really suggest, if you dont love him, to not drag this out any longer than is necessary. And whatever you do, dont allow him to get you pregnant, because that will just be an added responsibility that will chain you too him. Its not fair to you, its not fair to him. You are both young enough to move on with your lives and you need to do this before any children are involved. Live your life honestly and admit to yourself that you need to get out of this marriage. You deserve to be happy and so does your husband. Your husband couldnt be happy knowing you are only there out of responsibility. If you continue to find reasons to stay, and there will always be those, then you WILL end up becoming bitter. It's probably best to split while you still like him..
2007-05-29 00:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you unhappy or bored? Everyone gets bored... but imagine he wasn't with you. Would your life be better without him and maybe with someone else?
Did you change? From 17 to like 21 is a big time of change in our personalities and way of thinking. Whole characters can change. If you changed to the extent you feel incompatible with him, is the change something you feel will be permenant and not likely to change again?
Is there someone else you like? Are you sure they can provide you with happiness more than the guy you are with now?
Lastly think about your husband and what his personal goals are (ask if you don't know) e.g. career, what house he wants, what school to send the kids, what area he wants to live etc... all questions of opinion. Ask them and compare them to your own goals. You may want to write them down. Note whether he is flexible on these goals eg you might want to live in the city and he might want to live in the country, if there is no flexibility from either of you it is a reason against you being together. The answers should help you decide
2007-05-29 00:50:33 · answer #6 · answered by Solid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what help can be given?you don't love him the way you should be loving him and that is no ones fault,sometimes things happen or don't.Cheating on him isn't good either and cheating may be your way of trying to end things.Perhaps the two of you could use a separation. Sometimes losing some one can bring about appreciation if not then at least the two of you can end the misery the two of you are causing by not being open and honest with each other and making decisions that you should be making together.
2007-05-29 00:51:09 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you're even asking this question - as you already know that answer. Maybe you just don't like the fact that it is you who has ruined your marriage to wonderful guy. Do the guy a favor and do what you've got to do. You've already hurt him enough and in the long run of things - you really don't deserve him as your spouse. As has been said by others here, give him the opportunity to find someone who will love him and be faithful to him - and also give yourself a chance to grow up before tying another knot.
2007-05-29 00:59:51 · answer #8 · answered by cleesurrey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love him and there aren't any kids, there is absolutely no point in continuing just for the sake of it.
It sounds like you are not willing to put in the effort to fall in love with him. So why are you wasting another day?
It's time to leave him and follow your heart.
It will also be the best for him. He needs to be with a woman who truly loves him too.
I don't think it is an "age" things either! It's just the reality that you got married just to get married and/or make it OK for you to have sex with him, and not because you were truly in love.
If the commitment wasn't there to begin with (by your own admission), it's not going to get any better.
2007-05-29 00:47:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you got married to young i got married at 19 and divorced at 21 you grow so much in time that people change and your interests change so you are in a loveless marriage just be thankful you have no children which will make it easier to walk away im seperated from my husband for 2 months now but this is my second marriage we grew apart didnt have the same interests and where totally not on the same page lol so gl to ya girl do what you gotta do you only live once so do it now not later gl jewels
2007-05-29 01:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by jewels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋