When someone is dying?

Question

My father has a terminal ill disease, he is pretty much in the last stage of having brain cancer. The tumors are still there and he is slowly losing his motor skills. At night he is always calling out names such as his grandkids, his sister and even an ex girlfriend? What is even scarier, he calls and talks to him mom ( who has been dead for 11 years). Could death be close? Does anyone know what this means? If so I would deeply appreciate it.

Answer 1

"The Final Process of Life: How to help and comfort your loved one during this
time………


The staff of Hospice fully understands and supports your desire to help your
loved one spend his or her final days in familiar surroundings. We also realize
that this period of time may be a very difficult one for you and your family to
live through. We want to be as open and honest with you as we possibly can. This
sheet of information is being given to you to help you prepare for, anticipate,
and understand symptoms that you may observe as your loved one approaches the
final stages of life. Not all of these symptoms will appear at the
same time and some may never appear.

The experience we call death occurs when the body completes its natural process
of shutting down, and when the “ spirit” completes its natural process of
reconciling and finishing. These two processes need to happen in a way
appropriate to the values, beliefs and lifestyles of the dying person.

As you seek to prepare yourself and as this event approaches, we want you to be
able to respond in ways that will help your loved one accomplish this transition
with support, love, understanding and ease. This will be the greatest gift of
love you have to offer your loved one as this moment approach.

The physical and emotional-spiritual-mental signs and symptoms of impending
death which follow are offered to help you understand the natural kinds of
things which may happen and how you can respond appropriately. Not all of these
signs and symptoms will occur with every person, nor will they occur in this
particular order. Each person is different and needs to do things in his/her own
way. This is not the time to try to change your loved one, but the time to give
full acceptance, support and comfort.

The following signs and symptoms described are indicative of how the body
prepares itself for the final stage of life…Death.

1. Coolness: The person’s hands, arms, feet and then legs may be increasingly
cool to the touch, and at the same time the color of the skin may change. The
underside of the body may become darker and the skin becomes mottled. This is a
normal indication that the circulation of blood is decreasing to the body’s
hands, arms, legs and feet and that it is reserved for the most vital organs.
Keep the person warm with a blanket, but do not use an electric one.

2. Sleeping: The person may spend an increasing amount of time sleeping, and
appear to be uncommunicative or unresponsive and at time be difficult to arouse.
This normal change is due in part to changes the metabolism of the body.
Sit with your loved one, hold his/her hand, do not shake or speak loudly, but
speak softly and naturally. Plan to spend time with your loved one during those
times when he/she seems most awake and alert. DO NOT talk about the person in
the person’s presence. Speak to him or her as you normally would, although there
may be no response. Never assume the person cannot hear; hearing is the last of
the senses to be lost.

3. Confusion of the mind (disorientation): The person may seem to be confused
about the time, place and identity of people. This is also true, in part to
metabolism changes. Identify yourself by name before you speak rather than ask
the person to guess who you are Speak softly, clearly and truthfully when you
need to communicate something important for the patients comfort, such as “It’s
time to take your medication”, then explain a reason, such as, “So you won’t
begin to hurt”. Do not use this method to try to manipulate the patient to meet
your needs.

4. Loss of bladder and bowel control (incontinence): The person may loose
control of urinary/bowel functions as the muscles in that area begins to relax.
Discuss with your hospice nurses what can be done to protect the bed and keep
your loved one clean and comfortable.

5. Congestion in the Lungs or Throat: The person may have gurgling sounds coming
his/her chest as though marbles were rolling around inside - these sounds may
become very loud. This normal change is due to the decrease of fluid intake and
an inability to cough up normal secretions. Suctioning may not always be the
best - due to being uncomfortable and increasing secretion. Gently turn the
person’s head to the side and allow gravity to drain the secretions. You may
also gently wipe the mouth with a moist cloth. The sounds of the congestion does
not indicate the onset of sever or new pain or of pneumonia.

6. Restlessness: The person may make restless and repetitive motions such as
pulling at bed linen or clothing. This often happens and is due to in part to
the decrease in oxygen circulation to the brain and to metabolism changes. Do
not interfere with or try to restrain such motions. To have a calming effect,
speak in a quiet natural way, lightly massage the forehead, read to the person
or play some soothing music.

7. Fluid and Food Decrease: The person may have a decrease in appetite and
thirst, wanting little or no food or fluid. The body will naturally begin to
conserve energy, which is expanded on these tasks. Do not try to force food or
drink into the person, or try to use guilt to persuade them to eat or drink
something. To do this only makes the person much more uncomfortable. Small chips
of ice, frozen Gatorade or juice may be refreshing in the mouth. If the person
is able to swallow, fluids may be given in small amounts by syringe (ask the
hospice nurse for guidance). Glycerin swabs and toothettes may help keep the
mouth and lips moist and comfortable. A cool, moist washcloth on the forehead
may also increase physical comfort.

8. Urine Decrease: The person’s urine output normally decreases and may become
“tea” colored - referred to as concentrated urine. This is due to the decreased
fluid intake as well as decrease in circulation through the kidneys. Consult
with your hospice nurse to determine whether there may be a need to insert or
irrigate a catheter (a tube into the bladder).

9. Breathing Pattern Change: The person’s regular breathing pattern may change
with the onset of a different breathing pace. A particular pattern consists of
breathing irregularly, i.e., and shallow breaths with periods of no breathing of
5 to 30 seconds and up to a full minute. This is called “ Cheyne-Strokes”
breathing. The person may also experience of rapid shallow pant-like breathing.
These patterns are very common and indicate decrease in circulation in the
internal organs. Elevating the head, and/or turning the person on his/her side
may bring comfort. Hold his/her hand. Speak gently.

NORMAL EMOTIONAL-SPIRITUAL-MENTAL SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS WITH APPROPRIATE RESPONSES.

1. Withdrawal: The person may seem unresponsive, withdrawn, or in a
comatose-like state. This indicates preparation for release, detaching form
surroundings and relationships, and a beginning of “ letting go”. Since hearing
remains all the way to the end, speak to your loved one in your normal tone of
voice, identify by name when you speak, hold his/her hand, and say whatever you
need that will help the person “let go”.

2. Vision-like Experiences. The person may speak or claim to have spoken to
persons, who have already died, or to see or have seen places not presently
accessible or visible to you. This does not indicate a hallucination or a drug
reaction. The person is beginning to detach from his life and is being prepared
for the transition so it will not be frightening. Do not contradict, explain
away, belittle or argue about what the person claims to have seen or heard. Just
because you cannot see or hear it does not mean it is not real to your loved
one. Affirm his or her experiences. They are normal and common. If they frighten
your loved one, explain to him/her that they are normal.

3. Restlessness. The person may perform repetitive and restless tasks. This may,
indicate that something is still unresolved or unfinished that is disturbing
him/her, and preventing him/her from letting go. Things that might be helpful in
calming the person are to recall a favorite place the person enjoyed, a favorite
experience, read something comforting, play music, and give assurance that it is
OK to let go.

4. Decreased Socialization (Withdrawing from others). The person may only want
to be with a very few or even just one person. This is a sign of preparation for
release and an affirming of who the support is most needed from in order to make
the appropriate transition. If you are not part of this “inner circle” at the
end, it does not mean you are not loved or are unimportant. It means you have
already fulfilled your task with him/her and it is the time for you to say
“Good-bye”. If you are part of the final “inner circle” of support, the person
needs your affirmation, support and permission.

5. Unusual Communication. The person may make a seemingly “out of character”
statement, gesture or request. This indicates that he/she is ready to say “good
bye” and is “testing” to see if you are ready to let him/her go. Accept this
moment as a beautiful gift when it is offended. Kiss, hug, hold, cry, and say
whatever you most need to say.

6. Giving Permission. Giving permission to your loved one to let go with out
making him/her feeling guilty for leaving or trying to keep him/her with you to
meet your own needs can be difficult. A dying person will normally try to hold
on, although it brings prolonged discomfort, in order to be sure that those who
are going to be left behind will be all right. Therefore, your ability to
release the dying person from this concern and give him/her assurance that it is
alright to let go whenever he/she is ready is one of the greatest gifts you have
to give your loved one at this time.

7. Saying good-bye. When the person is ready to die and you are able to let go,
then is the time to say, Good-bye”. Saying “good-bye” is your final gift of love
to the loved one, for it achieves closure and makes the final release possible.
It may be helpful to lay in bed with the person and hold him/her, or to take the
hand and then say everything you need to say.

It may be as simple as saying, “ I love you”. It may include recounting favorite
memories, places and activities shared. It may include saying, “ I am sorry for
what I have contributed to any tension or difficulties in our relationship”. It
may also include saying, “ Thank you for.

Tears are normal and natural part of saying good bye. Tears do not need to be
hidden from your loved one or apologized for. Tears express your love and may
help you to let go.

HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHEN DEATH HAS OCCURRED?

Although you may be prepared for the death process, you may not be prepared for
the actual death moment. It may be helpful for you and your family to think
about and discuss what you would do if you were the one present at the death
moment. The death of a hospice patient is not an emergency. Nothing must be done
immediately. The signs of death include such things as: no breathing, no heart
beat, release of bowel and bladder, no response, eyelids slightly open, pupils
enlarged, eyes fixed on a certain spot, no blinking, jaw relaxed and mouth
slightly open. When you think death has occurred, call a hospice nurse. She/he
will be available to come to the home. If your loved one has died, the hospice
nurse will assist you in calling the funeral home and family members and assist
you in any other way she/he can. The hospice nurse will notify the doctor of
patient death with in 24 hours and make arrangements for equipment /supplies to
be removed.

The body dies not have to be moved until you are ready. If the family wants to
assist in preparing the body by bathing or dressing, that may be done.



CLOSING REMARKS


To all the families…. You are to be commended for all you have done to surround
you loved one with understanding care, to provide your loved one with comfort
and calm, and to enable your loved one to leave this world with a special sense
of peace and love.

You have given your loved one, one of the most wonderful, beautiful and
sensitive gifts we humans are capable of, and in giving that gift have given
yourself a wonderful gift as well."

God bless and with kind regards

David Edge
Founder parental support group Pediatric Brain tumors

Answer 2

Yes he could be close to death but this are also signs of the tumors affecting the brain or even medication. I'm not going into details about the effects because your going through alot now.

Either way, it's not the cause but how you respond to him. Your caring question suggests your already concerned and supportive towards him. Is he on hospice or in a hospital?
Hold his hand. Let him know you are there. Speak to him as you would in normal tones of voices. Tell him how much you love and respect him. Remind him of past experiences. During times like these, he may even respond back and carry on a brief conversation where he will remember the next day. Take each moment as a blessing because these are memories you will carry with you long after he is gone.

Having lost my own mother to cancer and grandmother recently, my heart goes out to you.

Answer 3

I would guess, his problem is now affecting his brain in a way that he is no longer able to distinguish current reality from his past.

It may be scary, even strange to you that he is talking to someone who is not there, but if you really think about it, what you think is reality is just your brain acting on inputs from your eyes and ears. As he is losing his ability to tell the difference from the signals from his eyes and ears, and from his other part of brain (such as memory), for him, it is all the same.

The human brain work in some strange way to help the person experience as little pain and discomfort as possible. At his moment, he might enjoy having family member near by, being able to hear their voices, or even touch to his hands and arms.

Let him enjoy what is left and just let him be. As to how long he has left, I have no idea. You should ask his doctor the question. He should be able to help you more than anyone here can.

Answer 4

Have the doctors said there is nothing they can do about the brain tumors? Radiation or surgery? He will lose his motor skills fairly quickly if they can not do anything for him. My husband also talked to people who were already passed on. He was losing motor skills for about 3 months before he passed away. If the doctors have said there is nothing more they can do then continue praying for him. Be with him all that you can. Maybe he will tell you of the angels who are visiting him. When it was time for my husband to pass away I had to tell him that it was ok to go home. At that moment he left this world.It's hard, very hard but it has to be done.
My prayers are with you through this time.

Answer 5

When patients are terminally ill it is not uncommon for them to speak to people who are not there. It is especially common for those suffering from brain injuries (tumors, strokes)-the brain is not functioning correctly and "short circuits" thereby making the person not realize the difference between the "real" and the "memory" parts of their brain. BUT I also completely believe that people near death can "see" angels, spirits, whatever you want to call them. You did not mention whether he is on painkillers, that can also lead to hallucinations. Most often when this phenomenon starts taking place you have weeks or days not months.

Answer 6

cancer affects the brain in strange ways. my dad would just get up in the middle of the night and start running down the hallways. he also had his wallet with him at the hospital and kept trying to pay other patients back an imaginary 500 dollars he thought he owed them. my father eventually died when he stopped eating, which I understand is not a bad way to die. It was very sad, but I consider it a good way to die. because my father never understood that he had a brain tumor, he didn't really worry and just slipped away. having a type of cancer where you are cognizant that you are going to die, I think would be harder.

Answer 7

hi, Im 13 too! i understand precisely what you're speaking approximately! i replaced into like that for a minimum of 9 months and that i nevertheless have easy thoughts of sadness/melancholy, I nevertheless am very hyper and my strategies is consistently humming, and that i used to think of roughly how regretfull all and sundry may be if I died and how sorry human beings may be and that i think of i understand the respond to your issues and please don't get mad at me for asserting this...i think of you have upload or ADHD. I even have upload and whilst i replaced into clinically determined the docter pronounced human beings (truly teenagers with a extreme load of stress...even stupid, made up stress) have anxiaty which finally ends up in sadness. the terrific thank you to handle it truly is flow to a psycholigist or a docter and ask them approximately it. they are going to make it easier to lots!!! i'm now happy, my mom and that i've got a extra clever dating, and my grades are plenty extra clever! i can now refer to human beings approximately this simply by fact i understand i'm no longer loopy and that i understand what's happening. I desire you the better of success! i desire I helped! -Julia =)

Answer 8

I am sorry. look if probably he is close to the end. with the brain cancer anything can happen very soon.

Answer 9

he may be talking to her. like you know. talking to her as if he is seeing her. i belive he is going to die soon. im so sorry about this. i feel that he will be happier. so just wait. it could go away althought i doubt it. but i think that he was actually comunicating with his mom. which she is telling him something. ask him what she is saying. may your fathers soul rest in peace.

Answer 10

hes probably close! As for him talking to his mom hes most likly hallucinating jus try and relax and soothe him if you can sorry for your soon to loss tho it will be alright