mature honest answers only please how would u feel/do if your fiance did this to u on valentines day?

Question

I got him a nice card/gift.He said he "tryed" to get me flowers but the florist would not deliver because we had a bad snow storm(true but nothing like waiting till the last min) and no gift or card.Then we went to diner(my doing) . when the bill came he made no effort to take it so i said do u want me to put it on our "family c.c"(we have a joint one for house bills that we both put the same money in) and he said sure.So basicly we went "dutch".I will say he did get me a clock about 4 weeks later after his mom asked me what he got me and i told her nothing.

Answer 1

Wow! I could have posted this exact same question! My fiance did the same thing. I got him a nice card/gift.......he did nothing. We went out to dinner in the middle of a bad storm (I'm in Pennsylvania)...it was probably not a good idea to drive that night, but I really wanted to do SOMETHING for V-day. He said the same thing about flowers....the storm kept him from getting flowers. He was going to pay for dinner, but he forgot his wallet at home (ugg), I ended up paying out of the joint account. I was furious.

However, he had asked me to marry him in January. I was upset about Valentines Day but I reminded myself that the fact is, he has committed to me already..he is going to spend the rest of his life with me. Valentines Day was not a big deal to him. Our anniversary is a different story...that is a meaningful date. Valentine's Day is just a holiday for Hallmark and candy companies.

Honey, forgive him. Tell him honestly it upset you that he did not make much effort to make it special. I know in my case I would have been perfectly happy with a homemade card saying "IOU one Valentine" or something else to show that he made some effort. Tell your honey that the problem is not that you wanted a big present or an over-the-top flower arrangement. You just wanted him to show that he recognized that V-Day was important to you, even if it wasn't important to him.

Try to let it go, and realize that one Valentines Day is very small in the big scheme of your lives together. :)

Much love dear.
Kat

Answer 2

I would be very hurt. And you need to tell him that you are hurt. But be clear about the reason. It's not because he didn't get you anything. It because he showed so little effort. My husband and I have an agreement on V-day. We each buy each other the cheapest most obnoxious thing we can find at the last minute. We have a contest on who can spend the least and get the most obnoxious thing (he wins every year!). We have had some good laughs about this. It works for us because we pretty much think V-day just sets people up for dissapointment. If there is some particular way you would like to spend V-day, then let him know. Don't assume that he knows how you feel. Men are not mind readers and they DON'T take hints very well AT ALL! You need to be very direct with them. Your future marriage depends on this. And HE needs to respect your feelings. Even if he thinks v-day is silly, if you think it's important, he needs to respect that for your sake. If you're still upset about this in June, there are some underlying issues here that you really need to examine. It's not that serious of an offense that you should still be talking about it 4 months later.

Answer 3

Oh boy, are you willing to live with this all your life? Because the thing is, husbands usually are worse than boyfriends about this kind of thing, unless you are ready to nag him.

If he's otherwise a really nice guy and you like him (loving him is a given, but do you *like* him too?), then you'll just have to suck it up, or put some work into it. By work, I mean giving him catalogs, with gifts circled, eight weeks before Christmas, birthdays and Valentine's Day.

However, you know, it can be kind of nice. "Forget" to get him anything for his birthday. See how he takes it. If he is a big baby about it, then maybe he'll realize how important it is. If he takes it in stride, maybe you'll realize that there are more important things to a relationship than ritualized gift-giving.

My husband comes from a culture that doesn't give too many family gifts. He needs prompting to come up with the gift, but sometimes he's late. However, I find it really nice, because sometimes I am late on the gift-giving too, and he forgives me easily and doesn't make a big deal out of it.

This is definitely an issue to think about before you get married though. If it is the tip of the iceberg, you might consider putting off or cancelling the wedding.

Answer 4

Valentine's Day was three and a half months ago...

I see two problems with this - first, the question is not terribly timely. Second, you seem to still be stewing over something that happened three and a half months ago. Either talk to him about it and let him know that you feel it's important that you both celebrate each other on special holidays, or get over it! Asking questions about it this long after the fact isn't really helping anything. Yeah, this may mean that you're marrying someone who sometimes forget important holidays, but look at it from his perspective - he's marrying someone who holds grudges for a REALLY long time.

Answer 5

I remember that snow. You must be in the same region as I am. The florists were not able to deliver on Valentine's Day BUT they did deliver the next day. My fiance took me to dinner once the snow cleared a little bit a few days later.

But if this is still bothering you, I'd think that there is more going on than you are telling us.

Answer 6

Some guys are horrible at getting gifts and doing stuff like that for "special" occasions. I know my husband is. What you have to do is think of all the things he does for you on an every day basis to show you that he loves you. For example: my husband will fill my car up with gas, he'll call before he leaves work to ask if we need anything at the store, he does all sorts of little things that make my life easier, and tells me that he's thinking about me on a daily basis. I honestly don't need him to go out on Valentines Day, and buy me a bunch of (overpriced) flowers, or take me to dinner with the rest of the world and get crappy service, etc, to know that he does love me. Actually, I've asked him to NOT spend the money on days like Valentines Day--it's not worth it. It's all in the way you look at it, and the sooner you realize that life isn't a flower store/Hallmark/jewelry store commercial, the happier you usually are. Hope this helps put it in perspective for you! :-)

Answer 7

I can understand not getting you a gift, but after you were probably obviously disappointed, he should have paid for dinner! And then his mom had to tell him to get you something? And he got you a clock?! Maybe he'll get better in this department, but don't count on it. You'll need to be direct and tell him what you expect. But some people just don't do Valentine's Day, and you'd be better off getting used to it sooner rather than later. As long as he shows his love and appreciation for you in other ways on all the other days of the year, count yourself lucky and overlook his V-day shortcomings.

Answer 8

I would feel a little jipped but then I also understand lots of guys are not romantics and have no idea they are being block heads by not doing something special. My husband rarely does anything for me for valentines, sometimes I may get a bunch of flowers but I don't expect anything, he is not a romantic type at all either. To him it may be just another day, you should communicate to him how you would like him to try to be a little more romantic once in a while, but don't make him feel like a jerk for not doing anything..just leave hints let him think he is the genius that comes up with something then.

Answer 9

Some people are really not into these "commercialized" holidays. Is this the first year he has done this? Is he romantic and gives you gifts throughout the year?

Maybe you two need to talk so that you understand each other's feelings about holidays such as this. Then your feelings won't be hurt if he chooses not to celebrate V-Day.

Answer 10

There's a difference between not being romantic and just couldn't care less attitude. In your case, i believe he's just not bothered. It would be best that you talk to your partner and voice out your feelings about this. We men have a tendency of taking things for granted at times, so you have to tell us what's bugging you or else we won't have a clue. If no changes takes place after expressing your feelings, you should know what needs to be done.