guy trouble! guys input appreciated?

Question

i met a guy through mutual friends but we live almost 3 hrs. apart. we talked online (cheezy i know) for a while and he asked me for my number. our religious beliefs are no dating until you are ready to be married...so there really was never any pressure there. our parents both knew we were talking to each other and we talked on the phone almost every night most weeks. i was able to visit him and he met my parents and we all hung out, and our familes were introduced. we continued to talk and both would visit each other from time to time. he stopped calling one time for like a week and a half but other than that everytihng was fine. then i came for his birthday (after he got on the phone and begged my mom to let me come) and he basically ignored me. his family acted happy to see me, and greeted me with hugs as he always had. anyway i hadn't heard from him in 2 months, then about 3 weeks ago he calle and apologized and i haven't heard from him since except through e-mail 2x!

anyways the guy is a christian, and is one of the sweetest people i have ever met. he told me he eventually wanted to date me. i am completely baffled by the whole thing, what in the world is going on?

i don't want a "relationship" with him, i just want to knw what the heck happened. we were friends more than anything else and i really miss that.

should i give him a call? cause my parents keep asking if i've heard from him, but i'm worried i may seem overbearing if i call. when he e-mailed i told him he hurt me and that i didn't appreciate him not calling and i haven't heard from him since.

Answer 1

maybe you should talk to him, or i could talk to him for you to find out if he's serious, but you know. maybe you need to make the first move. sometimes people get so busy with life they completely forget to make calls and stuff. if you wish for further help or advice from me, please feel free to contact me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

in the adventure that your in love with guy #a million then that regularly is the glaring selection wouldnt it? and if its no longer meant to be then the priority of purely seeing him another week ought to easily make your relationship superior. in words of guy #2, if by utilising "kinda a participant" you advise he's out more beneficial for whats on your pants then whats on your heart, then him going to school he's probably going to cheat on you, hence, that would rule him out ideal there. although, is reasonably, Its complicated to grant a diverse answer on the following for circumstances like this, and its your decision, you sound youthful, and by no ability to throw the chilly water on ya, yet contained in the lengthy time period (like 5-6 years down the line) you'll likely land up with neither of those 2 dudes. astounding suggestion i will supply is stick consisting of your heart, it appears that evidently you imagine guy #2 might want to probably screw ya over down the line, so roll with that-you ought to trust your instinct. A relationship that's meant to be (and the astounding relationships) are those the position you may over-come any impediment. As for breaking it to the different guy, basically be prematurely and straightforward about it-you do not should be advise or spiteful, yet be prematurely and straightforward. Thats the astounding, and fairly the purely thanks to be-its truthfully no longer the straightforward way, although the right way oftentimes isnt, best of success to you

Answer 3

It sounds like he might be confused on whether to date you or not. He might not be ready for a relationship at the moment. Just keep in contact with him as much as he allows it but don't keep your eggs all in basket there are many other christian guys out there looking for good women. Long distance relationships are difficult sustain if both are not willing.

Answer 4

he's either a jerk, only coming to you because he didn't get someone else. or, he's an average forgetful guy, who just needs some help with his memory. if he's as sweet as you say, I'd say he's just forgetful. talk to him about how him not communicating with you more makes you feel. explain to him that if you are dating, he's going to have to talk to you more, and if he's to busy for even that, then he's probably to busy for a relationship.

Answer 5

What the???? Your not allowed to date, but you are allowed to have this bazaar, emotional, monogamous relationship.

I think this teenybopper monogamy is weird and dumb. You should be out dating lots of guys and not getting overly emotional about any of them.

Answer 6

it sounds like he has found someone else -- and as an aside (in an astonished tone of voice) how can you know if you want to marry someone if you dont know them and the only way to get to know someone is go out with them -- ie date them --- best wishes

Answer 7

I know Im not a guy but, he may have cheated on you or forgot about you...he may have other plans etc etc., call him or visit him, because something is up!

Answer 8

I'm an evangelical--which I assume you are as well--and am pretty familiar with the whole no dating until you're ready to consider marriage concept. I think there's something really good there, about the desire for purity and so forth, but there's also something slightly untenable about that kind of set up. It's very hard for guys and girls to get to know one another and to get to know how one another think about relationships without, well, having a relationship.

I'm not criticizing your beliefs at all or suggesting you change them. I certainly the appreciate the motivation behind the sort of decision you've both made. But I do think there are unique concerns within your situation as well as the sort of general guy weirdness you seem to have run up against and they're both worth some thoughtful consideration.

You're clearly attracted to one another. You like him. He seems to like you to, or at least he's certainly given that impression early in the relationship. Long distance relationships of any kind are tough! But the distance thing makes it very difficult to encounter one another in a "just friends" capacity. You can't, say, hang out together with your church youth group. There's all this heightened sense of drama and expectation around the long drive and the special occasions-only visits. The relationship might've started to feel a lot more romantic than it would've if you'd seen each other regularly.

Since your families' are involved, that raises the stakes so much more. Even if you're young, it gets easy to see yourself spending Christmas with your family and Thanksgivings with his. Or you just bond with his folks--which I've definitely done--and you hate losing your "just friends friend" to some other "just friends friend" because you'd miss his family.

I assume, since you both live with your folks, that you're a little young to think seriously about marriage. Over the course of your conversations, you may've grown closer and closer to this guy. People pair off. It's human nature. It's what, on some level, we're supposed to do. Given the belief system under which you operate, you really can't pair off in any permanent sense at this phase of your lilfe.

Which brings us to what's going on with the guy. Maybe he just doesn't like you as much as he did at first and he doesn't know how to tell you. That happens sometimes. Truthfully, I think this option is the most likely one. And even if it isn't the correct one, I think assuming that it is will make your life a little easier than wondering what's going on all the time. It feels terrible, not to be liked as much as you like. I'm sorry. But it's life. It happens to all of us, I promise. It'll feel better eventually.

Or maybe he does like you, but he isn't quite sure in what context he can deal with you. Like I said earlier, you probably can't get married just yet. He may be very attracted to you sexually and not at all certain about how to deal with that and so chooses to distance himself.

Or maybe he's really crazy about you and just can't deal with the sort of serious ramifications that can have for you both.

Those are your options, the way I see it, but I think you'd best think in terms of the first one.

The thing girls don't always know about boys is that they're not as brave as we think they are. If he doesn't like you or is afraid or is uncertain, he probably lacks the courage to tell you.

If you're a brave girl, you can ask him what's up. You might not like the answer you get and you might not get an answer at all. But only ask once. Don't be a nudge. Truly, if I were you, I'd respond to his distance with a little distance of my own. Maybe that sounds a little too much like a "game" or something, but I don't think it is. If he really cares about pursuing a relationship with you, he'll realize how much he misses you and re-initiate contact. When he emails you, wait a day or two before emailing him back, that sort of thing.

Not dating and dating can feel a little bit the same emotionally sometimes. I think a little emotional distance can help you out here. Don't give him too much of your brain time: go for a run or bake some cookies or call a girl friend. Delete his emails if you're tempted to re-read them obsessively.

You've made a good committment, I think, a committment with a mind to purity. And that sometimes makes your relationship with guys a little awkward-er than they might be otherwise. But I know you can exercise wisdom and restraint and make it through this phase of life. Lots of people have done it just the way you're doing it now. It might help to find someone a little older and wiser to help you keep an eye on your heart, so you don't find yourself in ostensibly non-dating situations that may hurt just the same as a breakup.

The difference between dating and "not dating" is usually how many people are around when you're hanging out. Phone calls and IMs are pretty exclusive, so I'd be pretty wary of them. But I really encourage you to form godly friendships with guys your own age, maybe at your church or even in your extended family. Keep the group big and expectations small and just get to know the great kind of crazy that makes up boys. And if you're holding off from dating for religious reasons, I imagine you talk to God in prayer a lot. Keep that up. Pray for your own purity and wisdom and pray for whoever it is you're going to wind up with.

I know your question was much simpler than my answer, and I'm sorry if I've rambled on too long and given a lot of irrelevant or unsolicted advice. But I really do want things to work out for you, maybe because you remind me a little of myself when I was, presumably, your age. Anyway, I'll pray for you.