jewish paraplegic has a few questions!?

Question

Hello,
I'm a 25 year old orthodox Jewish man raising his 3 year old boy by himself. I was paralyzed in a car accident last year and this resulted in my wife leaving me and our son and going back to New york to live with her parents. I'm holding out hope and praying to G-d that she will come home to us but it's becoming so hard to wait. At this point, these are my questions:
1) Do you think it is advisable/permissible under Jewish law to get a divorce under these circumstances?
2) What should I explain to my son?
3) What resources outside of the Jewish community are available to us? My parents help financially but I am paralyzed from the waist down and this makes it very hard sometimes to care for my son.
Thank you,
Jason

if someone wants to im me, my IM is jasonisraelrosenberg

Answer 1

I find it hard to believe that you do not find more support from the Jewish community. Are you in Israel?
My only suggestion is that if you are not being supported by the Orthodox community, try contacting a Messianic Jewish congregation and ask them what kind of support they might offer you.
Here is G-d's promise:
"Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me."
Psalm 50:15

Answer 2

Sorry, I can't speak to Orthodox Jewish rules concerning divorce, but I would think you have good grounds. As for your son, you should explain things as best as possible at his age. At three he needs to know you and your wife love him, you will always be a family, but you and mommy aren't going to live together anymore.
Be mindful that even though what your wife did was wrong and selfish, you don't want your son to feel that he is forced to choose sides, or that you are speaking against his mother, it will only alienate him from you in the long run.
Shalom!

Answer 3

Jason, I really think at this time, you would benefit greatly from counseling from a Rabbi to address the question about your divorce. As for your financial resources, hire an attorney to get your SSI benefits from the government, as the attorney does not take any payment until there is a settlement. These are medical resources to help with your medical expenses. You also need to contact DHS, Department of Human Sources, and talk to a caseworker as you will be eligible for benefits for food stamps, healthcare for your son, and possibly assistance in the way of a monthly check to help you until you get your SSI benefits. Above all, you will also be eligible for schooling with a disability, and SSI will provide the needed grants for you to receive a degree. You will also be eligible for low income housing, and it would be better to move out of your mother's and father's home so that you will better be able to qualify for everything when the time comes. Tell DHS you and your son need a place to live. Your mom can always take him to her house to care for him if needed, but you will have your own place of residence.

I wish you all the best, and I hope this will help you in some way.

Please go for your degree in a field if you already do not have one. I worked fulltime for a NASA engineer who was a quadraplegic from an accident he sustained in a bicycle accident at the age of 14 years old.

Answer 4

Sparkles gave some excellent advice, but check with your local synagogue. Perhaps you can get some assistance through them. There may be a food pantry as many local parishes might have, which might be another assistance for you.
I am not sure if that is considered legal reason for divorce under Jewish law, but your wife may be required to assist in your son's financial needs.
Check with social services, your son should be eligible for social security benefits I think, as well as you may be able to get disability benefits. Does the synagogue have child care that may be extended to you?
Will keep you in prayer.

Answer 5

I think as far as Jewish law goes, you need to talk to a rabbi. I would also see if you could set up an appointment with a family councellor, to talk to your son with you in attendance (it might help you too). Do you have a caseworker? If not, call the local hospital, they can refer you to one. They also may be able to help you with questions as far as financial help, child care, housing, etc. You should be eligible for several benefits. I wish you good luck, Jason. It takes a brave man to face all of this at once. May God watch over you and your son.

Answer 6

Deuteronomy 24:1 I believe gives you the right to divorce. If your son is only 3 and this happened last year he may not remember his mother too well. Maybe you could just tell him that because of a grown-up problem, his mother needed to leave. Please refrain from telling him a lot of bad things about his mother as this is not going to help him at all. As far as finances, it seems to me you should be able to get on SSI (government disability) . Contact some local agencies also about getting some household assistance. Elderly people get this and you may qualify because of your disability. As far as getting the divorce, that's up to you. Maybe it will wake her up if she is served with papers. It seems to me you would be eligible for complete custody of your son since she abandoned him. My sympathy to you. I'll pray for you. Don't give up. Better days are coming. P.S. NEXT DAY. Thought about your situation some more. Is it possible she would agree to counseling? Looking at her side of the situation, it's got to be pretty stressful to find yourself with a paraplegic husband in your twenties. Can you find it in your heart to forgive her and give her another chance? I think she will miss her son pretty soon and try to visit. Maybe you could try to work things out. All the best.

Answer 7

You ought to get advice from your Rabbi about a Get. It is intolerable that you should have to endure marriage to someone who could abandon you and your son together. Don't wish for her to come back - she does not deserve you and you will waste your hope.

Your son must have asked to see his mother already. She is surely in contact with him. Any explanation should be given jointly by you both. Either of you alone will be biased, and he'll tell. Let her explain how she can leave him with someone paralyzed.

I don't know what beyond your local Jewish community would be available - again, your Rabbi might know.

Good luck, sincerely.

Answer 8

I am so sorry to hear of your plight. I think that the answer to the first two questions should come from your own rabbi or other LOR that you can trust. As far as outside resources I suggest you consult the local branch of the JFCS (Jewish Family and Children's Services) for a good start, or your local JCC (Jewish Community Center).

B'shalom,
Mark

Answer 9

First, I'm so very sorry, but frankly, your wife isn't much of a wife.

1. Abandonment should be grounds for a divorce.
2. Tell your son your wife just couldn't deal with your disability. Lying isn't going to help.
3.. Sue. I'm sorry, it doesn't sound nice, but that's what insurance is for. You can also apply for social security disabiltiy benefits. You can also get training for computer work you could do at home thru government agencies.

Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 10

Shalom, a real Jew the following answering. a million. No. except she decides to divorce. 2. tell him the actuality. 3. searching on the position you stay, in States, you have to be able of get help from the authorities or maybe Christian church homes. Getting and giving help legitimately are by no ability unbiblical inspite of orthodox or messianic backgrounds. all of us choose help, and all of us delivers help. both Jewish or Non-Jewish, both OT G-d believers or NT Messiah believers. i did not sense discouragement on your msg, that's fairly very sturdy. G-d be with you.