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My brother n laws only child is almost 8 yrs old and has autism. Everytime my wife and I go over to there house (or vise versa) their daughter hurts our 4 yr old. Just yesterday when the older girl jumped off the swing she would literally sling the swing back into my daughter (she did this not just once or twice but 4 times).
And when we "go to the rescue" of our daughter's hard cryin, we hear things like. It's not XXXX'x fault, she's just that way, just gotta let her go /or the swing just dont swing straight. Not even an attempt to disapline.
My wife and I both for years tried to "keep the peace", but our child is getting hurt and how long till it's serious? What would you do?

2007-05-28 11:13:54 · 10 answers · asked by IndianaHoosier 5 in Family & Relationships Family

We have tried to keep them separated, but then our in laws get mad at us as if we are doing wrong and too protective.

2007-05-28 11:16:00 · update #1

lots a good answers. We have tried talking directly and indirectly through the grand parents.
All it does is get everyone upset at the others, like a no win game.
They are low income and the only help the county will give is going to special education during the normal school year.

2007-05-28 11:37:08 · update #2

10 answers

Autism is an especially difficult problem for parents, and I have great sympathy for their ongoing struggle. I can't say how controlable your neice's behavior is, but if either she can't change, or her parents won't intervene, YOUR job, as a daddy, is to protect your daughter.

That means either do the helicopter hovering thing when your daughter is near your neice, or visit your brother without your daughter until your daughter is old enough to understand and react appropriately in her own defense. She doesn't need to be subjected to rough stuff at this age, no matter the reason.

2007-05-28 11:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by Tangerine 4 · 2 0

If you MUST see these people, meet at a restaurant; then go your separate ways.
My former husband's nephews and niece were always doing unappropriate things; like lifting a baseball bat over his head, and I turned just in time to save him a blow to the head. In protest I didn't go to their house for 6 months, even though I was in town visiting their other relatives. They also gave these kids darts, with metal tips. It truely is not the child's fault if they are never made to have consequences. I'd step in and gently tell the child or show her how to let go of the swing. They assume she's unteachable; how sad.

2007-05-28 11:21:50 · answer #2 · answered by cowgirl 6 · 2 0

Your broth in law and his wife, needs to have this child in a program to help this girl to learn the proper way to behave. Even though she is autistic there is hope. She can be helped but they have to be willing to explore what they need to do. If they just allow this to continue to excuse everything she does by her autism by the time she is 12 or 14 she will not be fit to be around.

In the current People Magazine, the one with Princess Diana with both her children on the front has a great article about actress Holly Robinson Peete's autistic son. At 9 he has greatly improved and is able to interact appropriately within the family.

Read it!

EDIT:

To help your in laws understand what can be done for their daughter research and gather information about the different programs available to them. Then set down with them and offer it to them if they react negatively then you will need to tell your spouse that you will no longer have contact with them with your daughter.

2007-05-28 11:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 2 0

I would not separate them but definitely have a talk with your brother in law. Tell him you are not by any means treating their daughter any differently than you would anyone Else's who hurts your daughter, and you expect her to be nice and play nicely, for them to please discipline her when she acts this way and you will surely do the same if the situation is ever reversed. Communication is the key if they don't know how you feel they can not fix it.

2007-05-28 11:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by Kari 3 · 1 0

Since the child has autism at this young age, they may not be aware of the damage they're causing. But sit down and have a talk with the parents. If they still disagree with you, maybe you shouldn't bring your child to their home.

2007-05-28 11:19:27 · answer #5 · answered by Katy 2 · 1 0

Stop going over there and allowing another child to harm yours. It's your responsibility to put your child's well-being over your brother in law's feelings. If they get "hurt" that you won't come over, so what-- better them than your 4 year old child!

2007-05-28 11:34:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

you should keep the childer apart who cares if he gets mad at you your daughter coud get seriously hurt!!! they need to dicipline that child instead of makin excuses!!!....its their own fault that you would have to get to the point were they cant be around each other!!!

anyways GOOD LUCK

MUAH*

2007-05-28 11:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Don't take her there. If they don't like it - tough. You have a right and responsibility to protect your child - not cater to theirs.

2007-05-28 11:17:36 · answer #8 · answered by Moondog 7 · 1 0

DONT HAVE THEM BE AROUND THE OTHERS,IT SEEMS LIKE THEYRE , BULLYING UR KID, JUST KEEP THEM AWAY AND HAVE A SERIOUSE TALK WITH THEIR PARENTS AND TELL THEM HOW U REALLY FEEL

2007-05-28 11:21:46 · answer #9 · answered by confused 2 · 1 0

tell them to put thier child on therapy

2007-05-28 11:20:07 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1 0

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