Recently i threw parties for my teens. My sister showed up at each of the parties, invited some co-workers my teens didn't know (nor liked and they brought their kids), called other people to come pick up heaping plates of food, and also took food from our party to the adjoining bar for patrons of the bar, who we did not even know and weren't invited. Should I have confronted her at the second party when she did it again? Is this behavior normal? Should I wait till next time to say something or should I tell her something next time I see her? Any advice is appreciated.
2007-05-28 10:24:02 · 20 answers · asked by johnmayer 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You are the hostess. Set your sister straight, now. The guest list is for your teens, not her to socialize at your expense. Apparently for your sister - it seems as though its going to be a habit if you don't let her know your feelings. Yes, unfortunately there are people like her that take advantage of people and situations. That's what she is doing. If you are having a party for your teens - it should stay a teen party. What kind of example is she setting with the atmosphere she is bringing in? It sounds like you are being a responsible parent and trying to give your kids as much as you can and its a win win. They get to have a party with their friends and you are able to ensure the environment is safe without worrying about them. I'm afraid if your sister keeps getting away with her stunts - you may lose that relationship with your kids. They may come up with another party idea and then you're not going to have the upper hand that you have now. Don't let her come between you and your kids. She's on her way of doing it now.
2007-06-04 06:55:10 · answer #1 · answered by want2bhomewithfamily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wouldn't you like someone to let you know if you were doing something that she found to be inconsiderate or rude?
If you find your sister’s behavior rude a first time, and you said nothing to correct it, and she does it a second time, then your behavior is part of the problem and not the solution.
It is obvious that you two are not on the same page, and you are the one offended and silenced. How could you resolve something that offends someone else if you’re not being told your behavior is offensive?
Your sister’s behavior so far has caused no reaction that motivates her to make changes because you’ve chosen to say nothing. She will continue using her “own” judgment-no matter how rude it is- because you’re not voicing your discomfort.
If my sister had done the same thing, although we're very close, I would have nicely asked her to consult with me ahead of time, so I can plan accordingly. I wouldn’t have waited for a second time or third before bringing it up, unless it is something that doesn’t affect me.
Keep in mind that there are many things we do unaware of how they make others feel- I'm not defending your sister- but pointing out that she may not be doing it purposely.
Finally, in the event you decide to talk to her about this, I wouldn’t recommend that you accuse her of being rude, or labeled her behavior to avoid bruising her ego and making something bigger than what it is. I would simply tell her (nicely) that you would prefer if she didn't ………….. (Fill in the blank with what bothers you: uninvited guests, sharing food.). Tell her how much you and children really enjoy the time you spend together and that she's very important to you and children.
Best of luck!
2007-06-05 08:10:40 · answer #2 · answered by MG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have confronted her at the first party. How rude does a person have to get for you to say something. She was so wrong, I just can't even believe it. On the other hand, you let her get away with it. TWICE! Don't you think she's going to assume that it's ok with you if she acts this way? I wouldn't bring it up out of the blue, but next time you plan a party for teens, you should tell her that if she intends to behave the way she has in the past, she is not invited, and her friends are not invited either way.
In the future, I suggest that you deal with a situation the first time it crops up, rather than wait and let it fester. It's always better to clear the air immediately, but quietly. Pull her aside, out of earshot of others and speak your mind. Or in the planning stages, simply speak to her.
2007-06-03 15:56:01 · answer #3 · answered by cactus bloom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-06 05:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should have waited to confront at the second party. You should have said something right away. If she was not an invited guest then she should have not been there. To make matters worse she brought people with her. I don't how some people have the balls to take advantage of others.
2007-06-05 00:25:23 · answer #5 · answered by mloinc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Using tact I would call her on the phone and ask to meet with her. When you do meet I would explain what she did was not right, and the party was for your teens and not the everyone in neighborhood, or the local bars. That she was more than welcome to come with ONE of her friends and no one else. Tell her that you only prepare enough foods and purchase beverages for people that she knows were invited. If she doesn't like that, so be it. Tough Love.
2007-06-03 07:39:13 · answer #6 · answered by Butch. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect is very important. The golden rule simply provides an explanation to this answer: "Do unto others, as you want done unto you."
Your sister has not respected you, nor has she respected your daughters. Common courteousy would be for your sister to ask your permission for these other uninvited guests to attend the party.
I would suggest that you talk with your sister and let her know that you'd like for her to ask if it is okay to invite other people who are not on the invite list.
If she cannot respect these wishes, then maybe you might have to stop inviting your sister. Then, I am sure, she will get the point.
2007-06-03 10:11:02 · answer #7 · answered by Trojan 1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your sister you're talking about? You must have a pretty tense, distant relationship. If either of my sisters had done this I would've said something the moment they walked in the door the first time. You know, something honest and real, like,"What the heck are you doing? I didn't invite your coworkers?! For heaven's sake, ________________, what are you thinking? Are you going to pay for the food? " You know, the way real sisters talk. I think you've got more going on in your relationship than this incident.
2007-05-28 12:54:59 · answer #8 · answered by Haylebird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say something now. It's common courtesy not to impose on someone else's party. You should let he know that you didn't appreciate all the extra people she invited to your party. It's ok to bring a guest or two, but absolutely inappropriate to invite so many people who had the nerve to invite even more people.
2007-05-28 10:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by Lil Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a chat with her maybe she's lonely and feels comfortable round her work mates , if they were causing trouble or being a nuisance i would say something , but as for the food i wouldn't have a problem with it theres usually shed loads of food left over after these parties wouldn't want it going to waste now
2007-05-28 10:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by ♥BEX♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋