Christians: Can you please explain what's bad about premarital sex, assuming both partners are disease-free?

Question

Sex is a great, positive thing. It feels good and it's good for your body. Having sex with someone you care about is a wonderful pastime, and if you're not focused on "marriage first", you don't have to worry that you're marrying someone out of lust rather than love.

I knew a LOT of Christians in college who married because they thought they were in love, when they were really just horny. After the sex wore off, so did the marriage. Statistically (or so I've been told), divorce rates are higher among Christians.

If both partners are tested and disease free, and if condoms and birth control are used, sex is safe. So why is it bad / immoral? And why would you expect (assuming you do) your spouse to have saved him / herself for you? Many people don't get married until their mid-twenties, which is well after our sexual maturity. Why would we miss out that experience?

Answer 1

I see sex as a natural bodily need, like eating. You can eat almost anything and survive, but why not eat good-tasting, nutritious food? In the same way, you can masturbate and wait for some perfect marriage partner all your life, or you can find nice, worthwhile people and have safe, memorable sex with them. Why not?

As for saying that it's like taking drugs in the 70's, I'm not aware of any studies / evidence that sex melts your brain, so that's not the same thing, duh. (Although it would be funny for commercials. "This is your brain. This is your brain after sex.")

Answer 2

If we look at sex as just a wonderful "pastime" then you may well be correct. Animals don't worry about such things as marriage, and chastity. They don't think about morality or whether God had created them with higher expectations. But we are not alley cats or birds and bees. We are made in God's image, and as such are morally responsible. You are right that most today do not marry immediately when they hit thier sexual maturity, but that doesn't mean having become mature we should start fornicating just because it feels good. There are a lot of self serving things that we could do and should not. If we are left without direction, we would be just as you have said I suppose, but God has not left us without direction:

"The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body...Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them...For it is said, "The two will become one flesh"...Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1Corinthians 6:13-20)

There is a spiritual dimension to uniting sexually with another person, and it is reserved for marriage. God wants us to be pure and self controlled, and then to find a mate. Sex is a benefit of marriage, not a reason to get married.
It feels good. So does having a lot of money, but it would be wrong to rob a bank just because you don't want to wait and earn it. On a more practical level, birth control does not always work, and many actually kill a conceived child.

One last comment from God:

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4).

Answer 3

My Christian Answer: I believe God meant sex for marriage, for 2 to become 1 in a blessed union.

My Secular Answer: STDs (Are you sure they are disease free? For how long?), Potentially disturbing attachment, Clear conscience, Peace of mind, emotional baggage, It's a fact that persons and couples who have premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well, No comparing or being compared sexually in future, Premarital sex often fools a person into marrying someone who really isn't right for them (which you agree to already) , Significantly better chance in having more satisfying and more stable marriage, Pregnancy (birth control fails...I have living proof)

You can’t control what your future spouse does. You can only control yourself. And only you are accountable to YOUR God.

Also, I believe in earlier days, people married much younger, so there wasn’t so much adolescent horniness. Pornography was not so widespread and people dresses more modestly.

Answer 4

Sex without love isn't as good, and can lead to confusion and awkwardness. Sometimes I feel bad after having sex outside of a relationship, like I'm sharing myself when I shouldn't.

But I agree with everything you said, especially the horny young marriages, I'd like to see the average age of marriage between virgins and non-virgins.

Answer 5

Well, now, "disease free", that changes everything, don't it?
Of course, if we followed the Christian way from the beginning
there wouldn't even be any talk about disease. Funny how we make problems and then justify the cause and then try to justify the cause of the cause, etc.

Btw, you forgot about the emotional part, guess that doesn't matter, either, right? Divorce rates are higher among Christians, that is true. Since Christians are about 85 to 89% of population of the US, that is a, "no duh?"

Answer 6

1 Thess. 4:3-8: “This is what God wills . . . that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God; that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother in this matter, because Jehovah is one who exacts punishment for all these things, just as we told you beforehand and also gave you a thorough witness. For God called us, not with allowance for uncleanness, but in connection with sanctification. So, then, the man that shows disregard is disregarding, not man, but God, who puts his holy spirit in you.” (The Greek word por·nei′a, translated “fornication,” refers to sexual intercourse between unmarried persons, also to extramarital relations on the part of married persons.)

Eph. 5:5: “No fornicator or unclean person or greedy person—which means being an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.” (This does not mean that anyone who in the past was a fornicator cannot enjoy the blessings of God’s Kingdom, but he must cease that way of life in order to have God’s approval. See 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.)

Answer 7

Book, "Good News about Sex & Marriage" by Christopher West:

"13. Why is the Church Obsessed with Sex? (Pgs 41- 43)

Questions like this usually refer to the Church’s keen interest in upholding sexual morality. To be sure, the Church does feel an urgent need to uphold the truth about sex. Why? For all the reasons we’ve noted about how important the issue of sex really is.

Sexuality is not just something biological but concerns the “innermost being of the human person. “ To the extent that our understanding of sexuality is skewed, so is our understanding of ourselves. Think how intertwined sex is with the mystery of life. Without sex there would be no life.

The deepest truth about sexuality actually reveals the deepest truth about life. It’s this: we are called through the gift of God’s grace to share in God’s life by loving as he loves - and this call is stamped into our very bodies as male and female; it’s stamped into our sexuality. Paraphrasing John Paul II: rediscovery of the nuptial meaning of the body always means rediscovery of the meaning of the whole of existence, the meaning of life. That’s why it’s such an urgent matter.

The sexual urge taps into the most powerful drives and desires of the human heart. Depending on how they’re directed, these drives and desires have the power for great good or great evil. In short, as created by God, the sexual urge was given to us as a “love instinct” that leads to life. But when it’s cut off from the source of love and life (God), it tends to become a “lust instinct” that leads to death.
Sexual attitudes and behaviors then have the power to orient not only individuals but entire nations and societies toward respect for life - or toward its utter disregard. To be sure, when lust is woven into the fabric of a society, that society can be nothing but a “culture of death.”

Sounds exaggerated? Our nation alone murders over four thousand preborn babies every day
In order to satisfy its lusts. And that’s only the beginning.

Disordered sexuality is the “Pandora’s Box” that unleashes a host of societal evils: from the poverty of “fatherless” families and the staggering proliferation of sexually transmitted diseases (some fatal, such as AIDS), to newborns found in dumpsters and increased violence among teens - all these can be traced to the breakdown of the sexual mores that hold the family intact as the fundamental cell of society. As sexual attitudes and and behaviors go, so goes marriage. As marriage goes, so goes the family. As the family goes, so goes society. Paraphrasing John Paul II: human life, its dignity and its balance, depends at every moment of history and at every point on the globe on the proper ordering of love between the sexes. "

Answer 8

You assume a lot. First that both of you are disease free.. Just how do you know for sure? Another important issue is unplanned pregnancy. This is the number one reason that children grown up in poverty. I would say by the sound of your question that you are not mature enough for this kind of activity.. Jim

Answer 9

It means you care more about the flesh than obedience to His Word. I would question your Christianity if all you were doing is looking for loopholes rather than Jesus being Lord of your life.
I was a virgin until 33 when I got married. I didn't explode, nor did I suffer any ill effects. You glowing picture is the same argument I heard in college for using drugs in the 70s. I chose to be obedient while many of my friends suffered physical damage.

Answer 10

from Sex at the Edge of Night by J. Budziszewski

We're designed for wholeness. You see, in sexual self-giving the hearts and minds and spirits of the husband and wife cooperate with their bodies. They are united not just in their bodily dimension, but in every dimension. This unity also helps prepare them to be parents, and the hope of children joins them in solidarity with every past and future generation. That takes you out of your Self too."

"But you just admitted that love involves emotions," said Mary. "Didn't you say that love is not a feeling?"

"I said that love can't be defined as a feeling; I didn't say it doesn't involve the feelings and all the other things. Of course it does."

The red-haired guy spoke up. "You've missed something, Professor T. If its 'all the other things' that people want, then they can enjoy them now and settle down to a commitment later."

"You think so?" I answered. I snagged the waitress as she slumped past the table. "Miss, do you have some tape by any chance? I need something sticky." She found a roll of silver-gray duct tape from a nearby shelf, slapped it on the table, and drooped off.

Don was amazed. "How'd you know she'd have that?"

"In a place like this they use duct tape for everything," I said. "What do you think is holding the cash register together?" Heads turned.

"Now, Red," I said, "give me your arm."

"My what?"

"Your arm. Roll up your sleeve." He gave me a funny look, but obeyed. Everyone watched intently. "Nice and hairy — good." I tore off a six-inch piece of duct tape and showed it to him. "Tell this tape, 'Don't stick.'"

"Don't stick, tape!"

"Let's see whether it obeys." I pressed it down on his arm, then counted "One, two, three!" and ripped it off.

"Hey!" he gasped. Everyone laughed.

"Hmmm. Let's try it again." Rip! "Better that time?"

"A little," he grimaced. "How many times are you going to do that?"

"As many as it takes for the tape to obey." We did it five or six more times. Each time the tape was a little less sticky.

"It seems that the tape has finally obeyed," I said. "Now tell it to stick."

"Stick, tape!" said Red. I pressed the tape on his arm. It fell off. I pressed harder. It fell off again.

"Do you get it?" I said. "Your sexuality is like that too. The first time you use it you're going to stick to whoever it touches. Sex can't help sticking; that's what it's for."

"So if you rip yourself loose — " said Glasses.

"Then there's going to be damage. Something in both of your hearts will tear. Not only that, when you do get loose, your sexuality won't be as sticky as it was before. What happens when you pull it loose from one person after another?"

"Eventually it won't stick any more," said the tall girl.

"Right. Your sexual partners will seem like strangers; you just won't feel anything. You will have destroyed your capacity for intimacy. So there's your answer, Red. You can't have 'all the other things' now and commitment later."

"But how do you know if you have a commitment?" he asked.

"Easy," I said. "If you're married, you've got one. If you're not married, you don't."