Help me with my soon to be 4 year old!?

Question

My son will be 4 in July. He is well mannered and says his please's and thank you's and all that... but what gets to me is the lack of listening. He is constantly throwing stuff at my hubby or myself and saying very hatefully "take that!" I guess he must have got it from nursery school as we have never said that to him. So we tell him not to do this and put him on the naughty step for 4 minutes. We dont' talk to him while he is on the step and then he has to apologize when time is over. The problem is ... he goes right back to doing it. He can sit on the step all day for all he cares. As long as he can throw something at us. Or he will come and jump on your foot, or bit you in the behind, or head butt your back while you're walking. He laughs when he does these things. But time out's don't phase him, spanking doesn't phase him, taking toys away does nothing. I have tried ignoring bad behavior and praising and rewarding good behavior but he'll just revert back. I am in tears

Answer 1

He's just trying to assert his independence at this age. Have you tried a reward chart? They usually work. Maybe if its toys that hes throwing at you , you could take all his toys away and tell him that since he doesn't know how to play properly he will not get to have them. If he watches TV take that away from him to. You have to show him who is the boss take EVERYTHING that he likes away one by one and then make him earn everything back. If he is good he gets his toys back and so on . I'm sure in a week or two he will understand that it is not exeptable and if he wants to keep his things he will have to behave~~ Good Luck

Answer 2

Some of this type of behavior can be contributed to certain food allergies; namely that of red dye or processed foods. Talk to your doctor or just do some dietary changes, such as no more sugar or processed foods. Try this for a few weeks to see if his behaviors adapts.
You might also want to consider having a nanny instead of daycare, or switching daycare so he has more pro-active role models.
I would also suggest changing the timeout to a rug away from tv or radio or anything. This signals to him that this is serious. And he goes into timeout EVERY TIME he misbehaves. Even if this means he's spending most of his days there. Trust me, he'll cave in and behave. Its a battle of wills, and it sounds as if you're the ones losing.
Also do more than just take away what he throws at you. Take away ALL toys if he persists. You only have to do this for a short time, and GOOD behavior earns them back. He might even lose them again.
Best of luck

Answer 3

Hi don't be upset i know how frustrating this is! Does he watch power rangers or pokemon or somehting with violence ? If so stop that! Does he have an older brother who has a ps2 or nitendo ds with violent games? Is he allowed on the pc playing shot em up games? If so stop all these!
Have you spoken to his nursery and found out if he is leading this behaviour or following it! If so perhaps they can displine this at school some how!
Does he have any known food allergies, is he on any asthma or simular medication that can make kids behave badly?
My son was dreadful on ventolin and well words can't tell you how awfull he was on steroids!
I have 4 kids, 15,12,5 (the only girl) and 19 months!
I used to be pulling my hair out with my eldest son, he is now an angel and has been since he turned 10yrs!
Please just try and keep calm, i know it's hard, just check there is no juice or additives you are giving him to make this worse! My 12 yr old is not allowed coke, as it used to send him barmy! Even no sugar robinsons juice has artificial sweeteners that could be affecting him! Don't worry he will be fine, just keep on and stay calm! Good luck!

Answer 4

Yes, I agree, that behavior is unacceptable. It may take some trial and error, but there is always something you can do/take away that will make for an effective punishment. Trust me, its out there, you just have to think hard and try some new things. Every kid has an achilles heel, you just have to find it. Try taking TV away completely, no playing outside for a day, no desert/treats, going to bed early, timeouts in his room, no bedtime stories, no playdates, etc... (not all at once, try one at a time). I'm sure it will be punishing for you as well, but hey, aren't all punishments hard on the parents as well? :)

I hope you can find what works, the above were some things I tried with my boys that I found effective. Just be consistent and hang in there! I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you're having problems, I really can appreciate how hard it is for you - I have a 4 1/2 year old and he has driven us daft fo 4 years.

Sure you've heard it all before, and I had it from friends and family, but REALLY, until you relax your little boy wont - sometimes it becomes a battle of wills - I know - believe me, my husband and I have been at breaking point with our little boy - we tried the naughty step, corner, room - all he did was scream the house down and we'd leave him for up to an hour at time with no benefit to either of us.

We spoke to health visitors, who did try and help, they recommeded the book based on the series, The House of Tiny Tearaways, by Dr Tanya Bryon (check spelling) - We really would sit and watch the programme on Sky night after night after night, got the book, trailed websites, shouted at each other, hated each other, shouted at our little boy....

I really got annoyed when parents would tell you to 'chill' - I'd want to punch them and say - you don;t understand what were going through!

Believe me, last year -after 12 months of unrest and not enjoying life at all, something just clicked in us, as a family, and I know this will be hard for you, but please try and go with it, ride the storm, because we have the most wonderful time with our little boy now and we look forward to the time he spends with us.

Don't know if ive helped - it really is hard and I think the suppernanny thing etc works when suppernanny is in your house- in desperation we even e-mailed her to come to our house and help.

I really wish you the best of luck x

Answer 6

Most of the things I was going to suggest, you have done.
Have you spoken to the nursery? I would ask them to deal with this behavior strictly if it happens. If they wont, change nurseries.
Also do a behavior chart. Ask him what his all time favourite thing to do is. Give him stars for being helpful and polite (which should be easy) and then take them away for every time he is aggressive. If he gets the set no of stars then he gets to do the cool thing.
Apart from that, I really dont know. You seem to be doing the right things, you may just have to get stricter and stick with the punishements for longer. Good luck

Answer 7

Ignore him, no matter how hard it may be, bear with it. You see he will have noticed that when he does them things he gets your attention. So get down to his level & tell him how naughty that was & that you don't want to speak to him until he can learn to stop doing whatever he is being punished for, get up & walk away, remember after the initial encounter, don't even make eye contact with him. He will soon come around. My little terror who is also 4 in july ( the 12th to be precise ) has it took a while but it worked. Good luck my friend.

Answer 8

I used to work with small kids and you just have to keep going, you do not say how long this has been going on. You will get sick of it long before he does, but you are the adults so stick it out you are doing all the right things!!

Talk to him when he is on good form, be nonconfrontational and best of luck, it's quite normal for a child this age!

Answer 9

Wow, my words exactly with my 3 1/2 yr old son. This has worked great for us, I hope you will have luck!!

The next time he does something you don't like, tell him only ONE time to please not do it again. For it to work you have to tell him calmly and nicely. If he does continue- the next time he asks for something, or wants to play with something you tell him " No, I am sorry I asked you not to (what ever) and you didn't listen. Maybe next time you will listen to me"
Then DO NOT give in
Think about it, if someone asked you to do something but you were busy or didn't want to do it so you said "no", then you asked that person to do something for you and they said "no because you did not help me", it would really make you think!!
Another thing that works well is not to cradle his fall if he bounces off of you. He will get hurt then he will be more careful.
By the way, now do you realise why they call them bouncing baby boys? They bounce off of EVERYTHING

Answer 10

Take all of his toys and character themed bedding out of his room as part of his punishment. It's mental punishment that he wont really understand but it will irk him on some level. Also try making him stand up on a chair for his time outs. If the chair has a back, make sure he doesn't lean on it. He has to stand straight up for his entire time out to get down.