Should I buy the engagement ring before or after speaking with her father?

Question

I am 24 and she is 23 and we live in Texas. She and her family are very traditional and conservative. Obviously, I've never proposed to a woman before, so I don't have any experience. Would it come off as presumptious if I bought the ring before asking for his blessing or do I bring the ring with me when I ask so I can show him what I will be giving to his daughter?
Any original ideas for a memorable proposal would also be helpful...however, ideas like "put the ring in a dessert," are too cliche. Thanks for all of your help, everyone!
-Psalm 37:4

Answer 1

I've got an idea!!

I just looked up that verse...
Psalms 37:4
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

How about this idea?

Take your Bible with you to meet with her father, tell him from your heart (in your own words) just how much his daughter means to you and how you plan to make a COMMITMENT to her. You see, yes he wants to know you love her, but he is more concerned about what happens after the initial giddiness of love fades. He wants to know what plans you have to care for her and how devoted you are to her. Tell him what is on your heart and show him this verse.

Now, for the marriage proposal
Does she ever read the Bible with you? I hope that she is in agreement with you spiritually.

Now if you are sure that she is going to say yes, then here is an idea for you.

Take her to a park now that it's nice weather and take a picnic lunch with you. Bring your Bible with you after you have had a nice meal. You might want to practice this move a few times before hand so you can do it smoothly as you might be a little nervous. Then tell her that you want to share something very special with her and this verse is so special to you. Then when she reads the verse, place the ring on top and ask her if she knows what the desire is of your heart.

If she wants to marry you, and you are sure she wants to, then I have no doubt she will love this proposal.

Answer 2

Ask her father, then buy the ring. When you go out to buy the ring jewelers will be happy to help you, but do some diamond/metals research if you haven't already. A proposal is as individual as the couple. You don't have to spend a bunch of money and go way over the top. Is there a favorite/romantic place of yours? Take her there, have a good time just the two of you, then surprise her with the ring in front of a beautiful sunset. You know her and what she likes better than anyone so focus on that and you will come up with a great idea. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Ask him first. He might be offended if you show him the ring and say, " Well you bought the ring, obviously you don't care whether or not I give my blessing do you?" Honestly I think you should ask no matter what but that seems to be a real concern for you. As for a proposal idea....don't do anything obviously special, she'll know something's up. Try to keep it a surprise. I've got a silly idea: Prank calls for 4 days. The first day, get a friend (block the number) to call. Ask for Will. Call a lot of times and ask for Will. Day 2 with an Asian accent do the same but this time ask for Yu (you). On days 3 and 4 ask for Mary (marry) and Mi. By this time she will be complaining to you for sure about all the wrong numbers she's gettting but she may not figure it out yet because of the time elapsed. Ask her then to say all the names of the people out loud and she'll say something like, "Well someone called for a Will, a You, a Mary and a Mi". .....it's original LOL.

Answer 4

My dad is the same way about asking permission beforehand. If I was the guy I'd go ahead and shop for the ring to your hearts desire until you find the one you want to get her, then talk to the dad. If he says yes you can go purchase it but still can tell him what you are getting her so he knows you have though about it really well. I think if you walk in there with the ring you run the risk of sending the message that you are going to propose no matter what he says and asking him is just a formality.

Best Proposal I've heard was mine, it was fun and romantic at the same time:
Fill the room with balloons (he had 25) in her fav. color. Inside each one have a reason why you love her or a special memory that you share. One of my finacees was "remember the goldfish?" another was "I love you because you can't cook" They can be really simple and personal. Have one balloon probably in the farthest corner that has the ring in it. Have her cover her eyes and bring her into the room. Give her a kiss and a pin and have her start popping balloons finding the messages along the way. When she gets to the ring get down on one knee and propose. It was so romantic that he put that thought into personalizing it I couldn't help but say yes.

Answer 5

well if you have been in a stable relationship with this woman for a while....and have a good relationship with her parents and you have talked about getting married then yes, go ahead and buy the ring. if not then i would ask first. i always thought it would be romantic to be up in a hot air balloon or something and have "will you marry me" written in a field or something. but that would take alot of work, and would cost a pretty penny. it would also be romantic (although maybe too cliche) to go to a very nice resteraunt and have them bring champagne or something and have the ring in the bottom of the glass when it is brought out. tasteful music (you might find a place that has a violin player or something) and a nice resteraunt are what serperates it from being tacky though. just a thought! hope it helps

Answer 6

I would do it after the fact, just to be safe. Helpful ideas...hmmm...Do it when she's least expecting it. My husband had taken me to the gym, so I thought nothing of it. After we left, he proposed to me in the car. I wasn't expecting it, but I said yes. The first clue I had was when we got back in the care I accidentally saw the receipt from the jewelry store. Here's another idea. Don't go in debt to get the ring. $100-$200 is a good plenty to spend on it. You can even go cheaper. If she loves you and is a decent person, she won't care if you got it out of one of those machines at a gas station(just kidding). But $25 or so will be good as well. What she'll love is the fact that she'll be engaged to YOU. The price of the ring won't really matter. My ring cost $99. We spent maybe another $150 on our wedding bands together.

Answer 7

I see no problem with buying the ring beforehand. Good for you for respecting her family. I am sure her father will be impressed with you.

As far as proposal ideas go, think of how you to met, or a special moment you had together. Try and incorporate that into the proposal. Take her to the place you met or a place that you both love. If you don't have a place in mind, pick somewhere beautiful that you can return to on your anniversary.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You should buy the ring before you ask her but don't show the FOB (father of the bride) it might come off materialistic. It should not matter what you give for a ring but what you promise to give and be for your future bride. Her father probably wants to hear about how you love his daughter and promise to take care of her, and will always be there for her ectera...
As far as proposal advice...impossible... proposals are personal and unique to each couple... try to be ROMANTIC... try to incorporate who you are, who she is, favorite colors, places, flowers... maybe a dream... like being in 2 places at once (propose on the border to 2 states). Make it a good memory...

Answer 9

I would buy the ring and then ask her father for her hand in marriage. This way you can show your intentions are true and impress him with your maturity.

I would not do the whole dessert thing either ... that is tacky ... but maybe do something you both enjoy doing or if you'd like to do it in front of her family & yours ... have a nice big dinner at either house and before dessert recite a poem to her and get down on one knee and ask her to marry you.

Answer 10

My family is very traditional too and so I made it clear to my boyfriend that if/when the time came that he wanted to propose, he was to ask my father's permission. He bought the ring and went to see my dad. He asked for his blessing in asking for my hand in marriage and showed him the ring. My dad was super impressed that my honey was so respectful of our traditions and said, "Welcome to the family, son".
He proposed later that same day, at home. He put the ring on the collar of a new puppy that he bought for me. When he gave me the dog, he told me to see what her name was and there was my ring. It was special and private and just what I always wanted. We have been married now for 3 yrs, together for 11 yrs.
Make the proposal something unique to her or your relationship together. Good luck!