My father's cancer has returned after 9 years/vacation?

Question

My father's cancer has returned after nine years and it took awhile to diagnose this recurrance. My mother wants to delay his treatment so they can go on a planned vacation in three weeks. This really bothers me because he is in a lot of pain and I'm concerned about his health. When I mention this she gets angry. Already one doctor has said they must cancel the trip, so she is going to try to talk his other doctor into it. Should I stay out of this? The tumor is partially blocking his throat!

Answer 1

With a tumor in the throat that is already causing a partial blockage then your father has zero time to waste. If he waited and went on the "vacation" chances are he would be in constant pain and unable to eat or enjoy himself.

Tell your mother to go on the vacation by herself and then you can offer to help your father get to his treatments and surgery. He probably needs either surgery or radiation starting tomorrow if he is to have a chance at survival.

Your mother is being very selfish and shortsighted. For her the planned vacation is traveling up denial river. good luck

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Answer 2

No, dear. First off, I'm sorry you're in this position, as I've been in it myself. It sounds like your mother is in the first stage of grieving, denial. It's a sort of, "If I pretend it isn't there, it can't really be there" state of mind. It's very common in cancer patients and those close to them. The second stage is anger, which is probably why she's as easily upset as she is. The thing is, when it comes to it, it isn't her decision, it's your father's, and everyone, your mother, and even you, have to respect the decisions he wants to make, even if you don't agree with them. The best course of action would be to sit down with both of them and not get up until you get to the heart of it. It will be very, very hard, but it's better than the alternative, right? Check out the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross for more information on the stages of grief. Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.

Answer 3

undeniably your mom is not thinking clearly. perhaps, though before thinking she is trying to do your father harm, she is trying to squeeze in that last good memory and not just for her self. If your dad is able to have a good time those memories may aid in his recovery. Your dad is a grown man, quite capable I'm sure of making his own decisions. If the pain is that great and the cancer that aggressive then I feel certain that common sense will prevail. Sometimes when people are scared they do things that they don't even realize (i.e. your mom insisting on going forward with vacation)

Answer 4

This is a sad situation. Your mother is WRONG for this. The ball is in your dad's court. He and his doctors should be the ones that make the decision when treatment starts, NOT your mother. Tell her to go on vacation by herself and you stick there with your dad during the time he needs you. You will be in my thoughts.

Answer 5

i would make your opinions clear to her. she is being pretty selfish.

however! if this is what your father wants, what you can you do? can't force him. if it is what he wants, then i would encourage him to make his decisions for himself.

doctors know what is best. she can not talk a doctor into saying that it will be okay for him to take a vacation. doctors do what is best for their patients, to treat them. the doctor will say that he needs to begin treatment immediately. your mom is j ust wrong, dont know what her deal is. some people react differently to grief. maybe she doesnt even want to deal with the fact that his cancer is back. who knows.

im sorry to hear about his cancer. i hope he gets the treatment he needs.

Answer 6

Cancer treatment works by beginning treatment immediately and continuing uninterrupted - Your mother is wrong!

Answer 7

You're a member of the family. You have every right to get involved.

Answer 8

Im going to pray for ur family