resons parents give away their child?(adoption)?

Answer 1

some birthparents don't "give away" their child and don't consider them "mistakes" as everyone else is saying. i didn't give away my son, i placed him in a home with parents that could offer more than i could. i still get and send letters, pics and we always arrange visits. i know my situation may be different that some other birthparents, but it really bothers me when people say i gave away my child, like he was a pet or something that i grew out of.

the reasons i chose adoption (and no it doesn't make me a bad person like some of you idiots think): i wasn't some poor, pathetic drug abuser who had a one night stand. i was an adult in a relationship for 1.5 years when i became pregnant. i had just graduated from hs and was heading off to college. i didn't feel like i had the resources to raise a child (money, time, etc). none of my family members pushed me nor did any of them not support me. the father was also fully supportive, even though we were not together anymore. we both made the decision to give our child a more stable life than either of us could provide at that time in our lives. but we didn't just want to "give away" our child, so that is why we chose open adoption. no one in my family regrets what we did, nor do i. i am doing very well in school in hopes to provide my future children the life my son lives now .

Answer 2

Most frequently one hears the following very valid reasons:
Too young and experienced
Not financially secure
No family or coparent support
Prefers a two parent household for their child
Prefers a a stay at home parent for their child
Wants their child to have a better, more secure life overall than she can give him/her at that time

Unfortunately, there is another side. Many women are coerced and pressured into relinquishing by their family, or the childs father, even though they do not want to do so. Without support they may feel incapable of raising their child, and society unfortunately adds weight to this enormous pressure. Many, many relinquishments are against the mother wishes and she may feel lifelong depression and post traumatic stress because of it.

Some do make a well thought out, freely chosen adoption plan, and feel it's for the best -but not all...maybe not even most.

Answer 3

Total Recipe hit the nail on the head.
I am in this category and exactly why I gave up my newborn when I was 16. I was promised that it would be an "open adoption" and that I could stay in her life. I didn't have the means, education or ability to care for her at the time.
Everyone said it was best, etc...As soon as papers were legally done and adoption was final, everything changed.
I am not a fan of adoption and I can tell you first hand all the problems that come with it (from all sides). People like to say "its the best thing for the child" etc...But that's easy to say from the outside, right? I get upset when anti-abortion people dont have a solution to what happens when the child is born. Support and direction is not there for a young and confused teenage mother.

Answer 4

I have three adopted cousins. They have been one of the best things that has ever happened to our family. Two of my aunts were unable to have biological children due to medical issues and receiving an adopted child was a gift from God. My oldest cousin (who is 21) recently found her birth mother. She is a wonderful woman who actually lives two cities away! She explained that she chose to give my cousin up for adoption because she was too young and didn't have any support from her family or the father of her child. Today she is married and has since had three other children. My cousin visits them frequently and has really enjoyed fostering a relationship with her half-siblings.

One of my other adopted cousins was a premature drug-baby who was removed from his mother's care by protective services as an infant.

I am not sure about the history of my third cousin because he has never been interested in learning about his biological parents.

Answer 5

I think the main reason is social pressure. Very few people are actually unable to take care of a child, but our society pressures those who are young, single, or somehow seen as unsuitable to give their children away to parents who are viewed as more suitable. I have many friends who are adopted, and who had great adoptive parents, but it was still really hard on them, harder than it was on my friends who were raised by just one of the people who actually made them.

Answer 6

A few reasons parents would give their children up for adoption are physical, mental, emotional and financial inability to provide a safe, secure and supportive family life. Sometimes they can't support themselves let alone the expense of a child. This doesn't mean they don't love them. On the contrary I believe it takes a monumental love to relenquish a child for adoption.

Answer 7

We are taking an adoption class and these are some of the reason children are given up for adoption -- (some will make you sick)

- Got pregnant too young couldn't take care of a child.
- Got married didn't want previous children from other life
- Mother was sexually abused and child is the end result
- Mother was raped.
- Unplanned pregnancy had too many children already.
- CPS took them away due to abuse/neglect/needs and parents couldn't work the case plan to get them back.
- Drug Related

Answer 8

To give the child the opportunity to live a better life, with better conditions, stability and a loving family. Sometimes a person cannot provide that for a child, so adoption is the best for the child.

Answer 9

i can only say form my experience, my birhtmother put me up for adoption because she was 16 and had a family history of incest (not how she became pregnant with me, that was the first question i asked when i found out)

she knew she couldnt take care of me on a day to day basis and knew if she wasnt able to defend herself against this she wouldnt be able to protect me. she said she would rather give me to a home where i would be safe and live with her decision forever than to live knowing she i was enduring the living hell she did for so many years

all i can say is thank you to her. she was brave and selfless. she is a strong woman and i praise her for the choice she made. i had a stable home with everything i needed and almost everything i wanted. now i am a parent and have the full understanding of what she did. she gave me the ultimate gift any parent could-a life

Answer 10

Coercion by society, family and one's self. So many people believe that adoption is a win-win scenario because the baby gets to be born, given obviously better parents and the birthparents get to move on to continue on with their lives. Awful things get said to people in the midst of crisis pregnancies. They are told they are young, stupid, lazy, slutty and unfit. They are verbally smacked down repeatedly in the heat of the crisis and that's when the adoption koolaid is fed. "Look at what a wonderful gift you could give your child." (you are not enough)
"Adoptive parents have been preparing to have children for so long..." (you have only thought about this since you realized you were pregnant, that is not enough)
"Once the baby is born you can get your life together and then have children when the time is right" (except that the loss of one's child is overwhelming and feels like you have been hit by a truck. It takes serious time and effort to get to a place that the pieces come back together and life goes on. But it never moves on past what happened.)
"It's the loving thing to do." or "It's the selfless thing to do"

So here's all these people kicking you when you are down, and there are another set of people who are spoon feeding you a way to redeem one's self. They honestly seem to care. They are very kind. And the way they talk about adoption, it does seem like a good answer even if it will be hard. And they know it's hard, that's why there are so many stories about the awful birthmothers who change their mind just after the baby is born. They know it's hard and it's why the hard sell how wonderful the adoptive parents are compared to what the woman has in her crisis pregnancy.

It's one gianormous mind f*ck.

At least that is how it seems to go for willing domestic US infant adoption.