Should I tell my wife that I no longer find her sexually attractive because of her weight gain?

Question

She eats twice as much as me on every meal and snacks all day. I feel repulsed when she kisses me.

Just for the record, I am in perfect shape. I go to the gym 5 days a week, every week. And have for the past 10 years. She wont go, she hates the gym.

Answer 1

yes, just be as kind as possible....tell her that you miss the way she used to look and want to help her get back to that...being honest is always the best policy.

Answer 2

This is a minefield. No matter what you say or do it could explode with a single misstep. Being gentle will either be too vague and she'll miss the point, or she'll understand perfectly and reply "So you think I'm FAT?!??!" Really not a situation you can win.

Maybe you need to find out why your wife is doing this first. Most women don't just eat all day for nothing. Is she depressed? Is she eating to avoid some other stress?

As to trying smaller healthier meals, tha't not much help. She'll likely just cook herself extra food and will still snack. If you remove all the snacks, you're controlling her and she'll Just get more.

Bottom line you need to motivate your wife again. It might be really hard, or even impossible, but you have to try.

Good luck.

Answer 3

There are too many hidden questions in your question. If you lost all your hair and she was repulsed should she tell you? If you were spending all the money from your bank account and so she didn't find you attractive anymore should she tell you?

Marriage is suppose to be for better or for worse, something we have forgotten over the years. Why is she overeating, is she secretly depressed? Is her hormones off balance, making her crave foods for energy? Other than your being repulsed maybe you should be more concerned.

If you really love her (her weight shouldn't matter) talk to her about going to the doctor and seeing what is going on with her body and emotions. Let her know you are concerned about her health (not your eyesight).

Answer 4

You don't have to tell her what she already knows. Real sexual attraction cannot be faked. I've been the woman who gained too much weight and my man asked me to lose only 10 pounds for myself, and my health, not for him. ( really need to lose about 25.) He helped me by eating healthy foods himself, bought me a big bag of almonds to snack on, suggested some fun outdoor exercise we could do together. When I lost a couple of pounds he was so proud and encouraging, it made me feel good about myself again. I never felt humiliated and our sex life didn't skip a beat. I do think you have other issues besides her weight if you can say that you are "repulsed" by someone you love. If her hair fell out would you feel the same?

Answer 5

There is one thing you never need to tell someone...and that is that they have gained weight. They know it. Instead of being so judgmental, how about helping her. Go for a walk in the evening together. Don't eat out. Maybe make food on the grill together. Help her. I'm sure you have "mentioned" this to her and that is why she is compulsed to eat more and snack more. It's sad that you don't love her for herself. You are just attracted to her body. Sounds to me that you have a girlfriend on the side and are just trying to justify what you are doing in your own head.

Answer 6

No, you should tell her that you're concerned that, as a couple, you aren't in the best health. Then make changes together....this means you cannot eat pizza while she eats carrots. Join a gym and go with her.

Do not ONCE mention her weight.

What is the goal here, to have a healthy satisfying marriage, or to bring her down?

Answer 7

That's a very old excuse that is used to go after another woman. Your wife is probably doing emotional eating because she knows that you aren't paying her enough attention.

You have some serious issues of your own and the Question board is not the place to deal with them. TALK TO YOUR WIFE and be intelligent enough not to tell her that she is sexually unattractive to you. You need to find out what's eating her; not what she is eating.

Answer 8

Remember when you were asked if you would take her for better or for worst? For richer or poorer? In sickness and in health? till death do us part? You said yes to all these questions in the eyes of God and all that were present. So why criticize her for something that you might be able to help her with, as you rightfully should. She was a gift from God to you and you accepted it when it was good in your eyes, why not respect it as such. Remember, there may be things wrong with you that she lovingly lives with because she does not want to hurt you, for the same reasons mentioned above....Love her and help her and don't allow the Devil to break up what God put together......KECK

Answer 9

No, never do that. Tell her instead that you want to change the way the family eats and eat healthier meals. Tell her you would like to have just enough food during meals so that you don't feel tempted to go back for 2nds. Do you see what i'm saying here. just use yourself somehow. Tell her you want to start walking more now that the weather is getting nice and would like her company.

Answer 10

Oh yeah, that's really gonna help her lose the weight....please. The best thing you could do is just pack up and leave. I guarantee you she'll start slimming down as soon as you're out of the picture. What do you do, sit there and watch her as she eats? What a man!

Answer 11

Come on, she's your wife, you need to tell her that excessive/over eating is harmful. Ask her why she eats too much ?

Take her to a reputed dietitian and act on dietitian's advice for a healthy diet.

You need to tell her that you don't find her attractive anymore ? Don't sit for excuses that she would control her diet. A good dietitian is a MUST