Can somebody tell me a joke?

Question

Hey, somebody tell me a joke. The best one will get best answer. Hey, I'll start us off with a little one:
Q: How did the Big Pencil Help the Little Pencil?
A: He "lead" him.

Yes, that was amazing. Now tell me a joke.

Answer 1

A little boy recieves a new bicycle for Christmas. Excited, he decides to take it out for a pin. While enjoying his new bike, an officer on a horse approaches him. He asks "Did you get that new bike for Christmas?" the little boy replies yes. The officer than begins writing a ticket to thlittle boy, and tells him "next year tell santa to put a reflector on the back of the bike." Furious, the boy takes he ticket and replies "next year tell santa that the dick goes on the bottom of the horse, not on top."

Answer 2

Man at bar had been trying to strike a conversation with a blonde leaned on the bar with her head buried in her arm. No reply from her. Starting to give up, he said, let's play a game. I ask u a question and if u don't know the answer u give me $5. U ask me 1 and if I don't know it I give U $50. You can go 1st. The blonde slowly lifted her head and ask, What is green and yellow with a blue stripe and has 17 legs? The man looked puzzled, hesitated a few moments and handed the blonde $50. That was a hard 1 he replied. Now I ask my question, What is it? Looking disgusted the blonde handed the man a $5. bill and laid her head back down on the bar.

Answer 3

Ok. Cindy may be outdated, but this is a heck of a good joke. You can stick in the name of any actress you want. You could even change the joke with a woman and, oh, some actor. It's a classic howler. The Doc zings us again. Pow, right in the funny bone!

Answer 4

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a duck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a duck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get duck."

So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."

So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."

So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"

Answer 5

har! har! har!
"He "lead" him"

Okay!
Questions:
1.) What is Iran?
2.) What is Iraq?
3.) What is Egypt?
4.) What's inside a clean nose?

Answers:
1.) It is faster than a walk!
2.) It is bigger than a stone!
3.) It is smaller than a bus!
4.) Fingerprints!

Answer 6

Divorced and Drunk

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Answer 7

A guy walks into a fast food joint with a large salmon draped around his neck.

"Do you sell fish cakes? " He asked

"No sir." Replies the assistant.

"That's a pity," He says, "It's his birthday today."

Answer 8

use this one on someone. Your so stupid you couldn't even get a job as a spell checker in an M an M candy factory.

Answer 9

The Father was saying his goodbyes
to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does, when Mary came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you so, dear?" asked the .
"Oh, Father, I've got terrible news," replied Mary.
"Well, what is it, Mary?" asked Father .
"Well, my husband passed away last night, Father," said Mary.
"Oh, Mary," said the father. "That's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did, Father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?" said the Father.
"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that gun.'"

Answer 10

How about:
Two fish in a tank one says to the other "how do you drive this thing"?