tug of love daughter?

Question

Dear yahoo anwsers could any one help me with this problem
ive met daughter after nineteen years we were getting on ok then suddenly not heard anything for ages ive tried contacting her ringing texting etc but feel shes just cut me off is there anyway you can help? this is 6 weeks gone by
i feel heartbroken i did try for custody alot but mother would'nt help and did really try me & mother split up ages ago
but i feel she has poisoned my daughter

thanks cheers appreciate it

Rolandxx

Answer 1

Write a letter.
Do not accuse her Mother of ANYTHING! You have no right to do so and it will only be perceived as negative. Patience, is the order of the day and kindness and consideration. Nothing but supportive words and encouragement are needed here. You have 19 years to make up for. How can a relationship be smooth after all that time? Be realistic!
Keep your goal in mind and don't add any burden by being aggressive. Think of the situation as approaching a deer in the woods. Gently...gently

Answer 2

Maybe you need to quit trying so hard to contact her. If you feel the mother has poisoned her, it will come back on her some day. Just dont be like her and badmouth her mother, she may feel torn between you two. I am sure your daughter is also feeling confused and maybe guilty for having contact with you. Her mother may be laying guilt trips on her. If I were you, I would wait awhile before you tried contacting her. Then sit down and write a nice letter, let her know also that you did try getting custody of her and you never stopped loving her. You also need to realize, you were absent from her life for 19 years. In a way you are a stranger to her. It takes time for wounds to heal. I do applaud you though for being there for her now. Alot of absent parents wouldnt want contact. But hang in there and dont give up, it is going to take alot of time for you to make up for all those years. But give her some space and allow her to sort things out by herself. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

Answer 3

Give her some time. If she's just met you for the first time she may be trying to figure some things out for herself. Or she just may be busy, she's young and her life keeps going and is important to her. Just keep trying to make sometime. I would however caution you about your take on her mother. Regardless of what you think her mother may be saying you don't need to bring it up. She's (your daughter) is an adult already so her decisions are her own. And......not to be mean but the state of your relationship with her is something you need to take responsibility for yourself. Your decision to not continue to fight to see your child and possibly help support her (I'm guessing here) was your decision. Whether her mother made it easy for you or not is not the issue. You we're/are an adult and are responsible for your own decisions and you have to own up to your decisions w/ your daughter when they arise to show her your can be honest and take responsibility for your actions in regards to her. I had a similar situation w/ my father. He felt my mother was interfering and in reality I just wasn't happy w/ our relationship and the visits we we're having and was unfortunately only nine years old and couldn't really express myself well enough to relate this information. The point is, that your relationship w/ your ex seems rife w/ hostilities (more so then than now) and definitely effected/effects the way view any situation involving her.

Answer 4

Suggest you just write her a letter. It may be easier for your daughter to communicate with you in writing than face to face.

It appears that you abandoned her for 19 years. Don't place any blame on someone else. Sounds like you have had problems in other close relationships.

Answer 5

Just continue to text her and tell her how much you love her.

By the way, did you forget her birthday? She may be upset over that. I know I would.