How do I handle nosy relatives? My aunt called the other day & left a message, then today she emailed me in?

Question

regards to the message she left on my machine. She was wondering if it was the right phone number since she got a man's voice on my machine. I have one of those answering machines with a guy's voice which I have no intention of changing since I'm a female who lives alone. I lead a busy life with working full time and doing other stuff. I don't think she seems to understand that I'm a busy person. I was gone a good part of the day on saturday when she had called.

When I did call her today late in the afternoon, I left a message on her machine saying I was returning her call. They weren't at home.

Oh, I should mention that I lost my mom to cancer last year and this particular relative in question has seem to have taken me under her wing. Something which I don't want since I already have a secondary mother figure in my life (another person) besides my deceased mom. The relative in question likes asking me really personal questions which I don't want to answer and try to avoid.

Answer 1

I suggest telling her you appreciate the gesture, but you're fine and your dealing with your life and you'd appreciate the privacy to do so. she should understand. if not then that relative was just really nosy and gossip hungry

Answer 2

I don't know why some people want to get their nose in to other people's lives when they weren't invited or why they try to control others. I've had to deal with that, too.

You really need to sit your aunt down for a talk, just the two of you and no phones, and tell her you really appreciate her concern but you don't want her watching your every move. You are an adult and lead a busy life so when she leaves a message, you will get back with her when "you" have a free moment. Let her know that if you need help with something, you will come to her and ask but for now, you'd like to handle things as you always have ~ by yourself. And when she asks a personal question, tell her you don't want to discuss your personal life but appreciate her concern.

My condolences in the loss of your mother. I lost my mom 20 years ago to cancer and had some family problems, too, but not quite like this. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear of your lost and I hope things will be well with you soon.
Referencing your Aunt. Explain to her that you're ok just really busy. Explain the mans voiced answerer on your machine and your reasons for it...let her know that you'll phone to keep in touch periodically when your schedule allows it and that your secondary Mother figure are meeting your needs ok so she doesn't have to worry. Tell her that you love her and that you will see her sometimes and you will let her know when. Insofar as the personal questions she ask tell her that, as not to hurt her feelings, they're personal and you choose not to answer...(you're a grown working woman not a child so you don't have to answer if you don't want to.)

Answer 4

I would redirect her by telling her things that you do feel comfortable talking about and perhaps even want feedback about....

One of her ways of coping with your Mom's death may be to try and take over the roles of a Mom with you. This certainly may chaf you especially if you're a private person - no one will ever replace your Mom. But as time goes on, you may find that - although no one can ever replace this person - you may benefit from a well rounded group of back-ups, of people who love you and (despite their methods) want to support you.

Im just saying, don't slam the door in her face but respect your own boundaris. She's probably annoying, but most relatives can be!

Answer 5

Just tell your relative that you appreciate her concern, but your life is very busy right now. Tell her that when things calm down, you will give her a call to have lunch. Next time she starts to ask personal questions, tell her that you don't mean to offend her, but you prefer to keep your personal life private.

Answer 6

Just tell her she is not your mom, and it is none of her business, if she is so rude as to ask you personal questions that are truly none of her business.