dont know how to deal with it?

Question

Silence , this is all what i have , he is sick and in very bad shape , and we have been through so much together and this is how things are working with us getting rid of problem to have bigger problem ..he is sick i feel i have to love him more support him more and tell him things would be better and this is only a period that will end ..but i myself dont believe that ! i feel things would never end and i would live in that hospital all my life long ..i need to give support but honestly i have nothing to give but silence ..i try to force things and do what i have to do ..but now i feel numb and silence , am I bad a person ? sometimes i sleep thinking that one day i will die and i will be relieved from this pain and the idea that one i will die makes me feel good.

in nature i put people i love before me so dont ask me to leave him behind ..

Answer 1

You need to give yourself more credit than you are. The fact of the matter is that you ARE doing what is necessary through a very difficult time. Its draining you, and it should be, but as long as you are meeting your obligations, don't feel guilty if you feel overwhelmed or even a bit cheated by the situation. Nobody "signs up" to have a sick mate at the outset, so kudos to you for doing the right thing.

Answer 2

I am so very sorry for your pain and your situation. Not only is your friend sick and in need of support, but it seems the illness has taken its toll on you also. Do you have other friends, family who can comfort you and talk with you? I know you probably feel that you are abandoning your friend, but you are not. Sometimes it is just hard to watch the pain in someone else, and you know you are suffering too. Don't feel that you are alone. When you do visit - take a book of poems with you, or the Bible and read some passages that will fill up the empty spaces of silence. Say a prayer and then leave. You need to be strong for yourself as well. I get the impression that you think your friend might die? If you need to break away from this relationship, you have to do what you feel. It might not be the time to say this to him, but you can ease yourself away. Surely he has family and other friends that are visiting him as well. Restrict your time to a few days or one day a week and involve yourself in other activities. You must begin to feel alive and worthy of your own self during this time. Then, perhaps you will have something else to share with him. You don't need or have to feel guilty. Do what you can, but also know that you must take care of yourself.

Answer 3

What is the person's actual condition? Do you know if he should get better medically or has he been given time on his life? Are you his girlfriend or dating him? What is your status with this person? You don't have to say anything when you go to visit this person. Your presence is support enough. You don't have to go to the hospital every day either. Once or twice a week is enough. Is the person able to talk? Instead of going to the hospital you can call on the phone. There are many ways to support a person when they are hospitalized.

Now you are not a bad person for feeling the way you are feeling, you are human and you do have your own life to live. If you can't handle the situation, the best thing to do is to be honest with the person about how you feel and let him know that you can't handle or deal with the situation. Or if there is counseling for family and friends for this situation, go because you will benefit from it.

Answer 4

Why must you die to be relieved from anything? Anything you do is useless if not done whole heartedly. If all you can do is give your support for an hour then that's all you can do! You can't perform miracles & you need to accept that & stop believing you have too or that you need to maintain a hope that you don't even believe in. To be honest w/yourself doesn't make you a bad person, to wish death because you've lost faith does! Don't give up on yourself so you don't give up on anyone else! Take care of yourself before you take care of anyone else!You are first, then others:-)

Answer 5

You are in a bad place. Seek help!! Nothing, NOTHING you are going thru has not been gone thru by others! You have to seek help and support for your own well-being. All flesh is grass. Long illnesses are terribly draining on the people around the patient. Everybody is so focused on what the patient needs, but life goes on. Be part of it.

Answer 6

Your question is not very clear but lets see if l understand this correctly: you are tired of being there in and out of hospital by your lovers bedside giving support to him with no signs of recovery and you feel wasted,tired and helpeless. to me this is normal you sound like you are a nice person going through a traumatising period in your life, advise you need professional help ti cope you cant do this here and get the right answers so please contact a psychologist before you get extremely overwhelmed

Answer 7

Dont worry about it. I dunno if you watched Dawson's Creek but there was a few episodes where Jen's Grams was dating Mr. Brooks (Dawson's idol in old school movies), and she knew he was sick and all. But they never talked about it because they wanted to live every day like it was his last. When he finally passed away, she said that as long as she has his memories with him that he will always be in her heart forever. So like even if your guy does move on, always know that he will love you forever and you him. I mean I hope nothing happens to him and I wish him all the best. And if you just be there for him and show him the love that he has for you, then things tend to work out in the end. As they say "The Lord works in mysterious ways."

Answer 8

a lot of people that are sick only want moral support... not conversation most of the time when you are close to someone that is ill they sense the meaning of your support. you are not a bad person... you don't know how this is going to work out... there will be doubts through this whole ordeal... go with your heart on this one

Answer 9

it happens that the gloominess of someone influence you...
you may feel like leaving him would be a bad thing to do, but don't let this desperation drains the life out of you.
if you wanted to stay with him, go out, have fun with friends and when you feel better you could be beside him with a better condition and help him in emotional support.

be strong, you deserve a time out!