How can I stop him from calling me at 4 in the morning....Any solutions?

Question

Well, I just started dating him since a week. I am partly at fault here since I told him he could reach me anytime, even in the middle of the night. Basically, that was my way of saying that I am always there for him (what I forgot to add was that only if it's urgent or an emergency). He said he was "touched" when he heard that. So now, he is out to a conference in another city, and since the last 3 days, he has been calling me at 3-4-5am in the morning just to chat and brief me on what's going on. I am sure he knows I was asleep, but he doesn't make any attempts to hang up. Is this selfish behavior. The problem is once I take a call, I am unable to go back to bed. I have started to feel resentful about him.

How can I politely tell him to stop calling me at these hours, without him taking me wrong? He has shown respect, caring, affection, and concern for me in many other ways though.

The thing is, I usually don't turn off my phone at nights, because then I might be missing other urgent calls (if at all anyone from family or close friends need me).

Answer 1

Well I say that he is not showing you respect by calling you at 4 in the morning. You only call at that time if something is really wrong. I would let him know that when he calls at that time you can't go back to sleep and you would appreciate it if he wouldn't call at that time. Tell him what time you get up and maybe you have a few minutes to spare before going to work or school. If he can't accept that then you need to tell him to move on because he sounds as if he is going to be a needy person.

Answer 2

Tell him. His response will show you if he is really showing respect and concern for you or if the phone calls at 4 am are a true showing of selfish colors. Is he in another time zone at his conferrence? If you just tell him next time he calls that you really love talking to him but it is ___am and you have a long day tomorrow, could he call you in the morning or after work? Either he will be all offended and show you it was an intentional disrespect, or he will say "oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize it was so late/ so early there, I'll call you tomorrow". If he still doesn't take the hint shut the phone off until you get up in the morning and just tell him you really needed to get some sleep.

Answer 3

Tell him that you're happy that he calls you and you understand that he's busy with his conference and everything, but maybe he can call you at a more respectable time to chit chat and leave the 4 am phone calls for emergencies only.

You work too and need to get your sleep. He needs to understand this now. I'm sure he can understand this. If he can't, then he has a problem.

Answer 4

I would tell him that you are touched that he wants to talk to you and that you want to talk to him as well but that the early morning phone calls are wearing on you because you aren't able to go back to sleep. If you really do like him and want to talk to him then ask if there is another time that might work.

Though I would be a little concerned by the fact that you have only been dating a week and he needs to talk to you every night. That seems a bit clingy to me.

Answer 5

You might just turn off your phone at night and if he asks, just say, "I get so many calls at night, I can't sleep." Or you might just tell him the truth and how you wanted him to know how much you care but it's hard for you to wake up later. He will understand. It's kind of cute how seriously he took you. He sounds like he really likes you. It's just that he doesn't understand. Some people are like that, you got to be careful and say only what you mean.

Answer 6

Turn off your ringer.

If there is a true emergency, your important friends and family will know how to get a hold of you.

Plus, you can discuss with them how you would like for them to reach you in an emergency, other than a phone call.

Answer 7

I would tell him that I leave my phone on at night so I dont miss urgent calls. Calling to say hi isnt urgent.
Just say something like " After i get woken up at 3 or 4 am I just cant get back to sleep" or "wow when the phone rang at that hour I thought someone died or something"
But let me tell you something.... this guy is controlling and insecure. Before the relationship moves on straighten this up before it gets out of control.

Answer 8

Don't answer the calls. And when he asks you why you didn't answer, just say as politely as you can, or as nonchalantly as you can I was asleep. Or that it wasn't an emergency, you heard part of the message, and you just had a harder time fully waking up when you realized it was not an emergency. He will stop after two or three attempts. It's called conditioning.

Answer 9

Tell him, that you need your sleep, and that when you had told him he could call you at anytime, that you meant anytime past (whatever regular time you go to bed) to ONLY call in case of emergency-not to call to chat. Then, if he still keeps calling at those hours, just to "chat", call the cops on him, or something, maybe a restraining order-and ending it with him will give him the hint. Take care.

Answer 10

since he's all understanding, if you tell him in the right way, i'm sure he'll get it. just tell him that you've been having a pretty hectic couple of weeks, and that you'd appreciate it if he'd call in the morning at a less ungodly hour. tell him if it's anything really urgent, you're there for him, but otherwise, you'll catch up with him in the morning, and also tell him he can text message at 3am you instead of calling.

it's not your fault for feeling resentful, his behaviour is a little out of line. just set him straight, i'm sure he'll understand :)