Should we homeschool?

Question

When I was married to my ex husband I homeschooled my step son with fantastic results. Now I'm remarried, and no longer a stay at home mom. My own son HATES the school he goes to, and for the first time he is having problems and will probably be held back this year. He has always liked school before, and was in a gifted program in his other school, but since moving here with my new husband, he's had problems. He doesn't get along with the teachers, and the kids bully him a lot. I am not happy with the school here either, and would love to homeschool him. However, when asked about it, he said no, he doesn't want to be homeschooled. I'm torn. I want to homeschool, but I'm not sure I could do it, as I work part time and go to school myself full time. Plus if he doesn't want to be homeschooled, how could I? I just hate to see a once bright kid who liked school being held back this year.

There are no other homeschools in the area that I could send him to, and this is the only middle school in the community too, so I don't have the option of sending him to a different school.

sharla, if you are against homeschooling, why are you in this category? There is no evidence that says homeschooled children do not develop socially. There are scouts, sports, church groups, and other things in the community that they can associate with their peers with. How about opening your mind and doing your research before bashing homeschooling?

Answer 1

You definitely need to find out what's going on with your son. Moving to a new area or getting a new "dad" can be difficult enough, but doing both at once is really tough. He may also feel you've abandoned him during this difficult time because of your own busy schedule. Talk to him in a non-threatening manner - don't criticize ANYTHING he tells you, just accept it with a "HMMM" or "OK". Allowing him to "vent" to you gives you the opportunity to hear what he's REALLY saying (read between the lines).

Once you ascertain what the real problem is, you'll be better able to determine what course of action is appropriate. Talk WITH him about the options and the pros and cons of each. Allow him to say all he wants to, then state your case. He may be less defensive if he feels you've heard what he has to say, so make sure you restate what he tells you instead of defending your point. Say he argues that he won't have any friends. Instead of saying "Homeschoolers have lots of opportunity to socialize!", restate what he says without copying his words: "So, what you're saying is you think homeschool will be lonely."

Homeschooling may or may not be the best option. I wouldn't leave the decision completely up to him, but I wouldn't make it without his input either. I don't allow my boys to do certain things because I know it won't be good for them, but I do require them to do certain things just because they should. They are still under my care and, while they do have some freedom of choice, I am the parent and need to guide them in these choices until they are capable of making wise choices on their own.

You sound like a parent who really cares, so I'm sure you'll do the right thing (whether your son agrees or not). Best wishes!

Answer 2

Ummm.....homeschooling should not be you locked in a basement somewhere or chained to a desk. Real world activities can be the best part of a home based education. We garden and visit parks and farms. We attend various lectures and my daughter was inspired to do some photography this winter. My daughter likes to bike in the afternoons, sculpt most mornings in the sun, go with friends to the library, go shopping and to the movies on weekends and we both take in art shows whenever we can. We use city buses and trolleys to get where we want to go. We bike the greenbelt and hang out at the skate park for "gym class". If you hate the kind of homeschool you currently have, change it completely! There are as many ways to homeschool as there are homeschoolers. Currently my daughter and a friend are getting together to watch a weekly PBS special on Native Americans. They watch and discuss while they have Rocky Road ice cream and enjoy each others company. If my daughter hated how she schooled, I'd tell her that was her fault for lacking imagination and gumption, because we school according to her tastes, talents and plans. You should try that too.

Answer 3

I'd spend the summer talking it over with him a lot. Ask him what his specific feelings are about being homeschooled, about being in school. Have him think out advantages and disadvantages to both. Ask him where he thinks he'd be happiest and why. Address those whys if they are based on misconceptions ("I won't be happy homeschooled because I'll be at home all the time.") Make sure you let him know that you're not trying to convince him about it, but making sure he understands both options really well to make an informed decision.

As for the logistics, I'm sure there would be a way to work it out for him to get his work done. Where there's a will, there's a way!

Answer 4

He may have a dark view of homeschooling because he hasn't done it. He may fear isolation and stigmatisim. Has he told you just what has him not wanting to homeschool?
Try starting his work over the summer and joining a homeschool group now so he can get an idea of it works.
I work and I am homeschooling my son. We have a weird schedule but he is doing school year round so that we may have a more relaxed approach and take time off when we need or want it not when the school board says we may.
You are the parent and must make the final decision as to what is best for for him.

Answer 5

If my child was really against it, I'd probably not force them unless I felt the situation was so bad in school, that his future or his saftey were in danger, and then I'd pull the parents-have-the-final-say card. However, I wouldn't expect a smooth transition-- especially if the child were against it, especially while working; I work and I know how that makes homeschooling a challenge, but my kids love homeschooling so at least they are with me on making it work.

Have you looked into if there are other local homeschool groups or co-ops in your area? Maybe if they have some things going on this summer you could try and get your son involved-- maybe if he met some other homeschoolers he'd get some insight. He might just not know what to expect, or just be frustrated altogether with education, and apprehensive about trying something different.

Good luck
MSB

Answer 6

This is a tough question and you have already received many good answers.
The new home situation could be a factor and relationships are an important factor in teaching and learning. It sounds like you understand home schooling very well but possibly your son needs to investigate on his own.
We started home school when our son was in 8th grade, 2 years ago. We, my husband(a stepfather)and I, both work for the public schools in classified jobs. Our son was very much in favor of home school but he has friends who home school so the concept was nothing new to him.
I would recommend that you give your son an assignment of investigating what his options are for getting an education. If he chooses to stay in public school, help him find ways to adapt. By the way, I doubt they will really hold him back. Talk to his teachers about that. It is probably a 'scare tactic' they are using to get him to do his best on EOG's.

Answer 7

It sounds like school is not working out that well. I have two gifted & special needs children and I was gifted and attended public school as well, and I think school can be tough for gifted as well as often a waste of time. It sounds like it might be like that for your son as well.

It could be the fear of the unknown, his not knowing what homeschool is like that makes him hesitant to home school. TV and the movies always make home schooling out to be weird and sometimes worse! If you haven't already you may want to go into more detail about what kind of curriculum you would cover esp. if you would let him pick out some of the curriculum or themes and let him have some input into what you would be studying and pick out the books he'd be reading; that might help him become more interested in home schooling. I usually can't keep my 13 year old in enough books & he reads about one a day! I don't think he'd read that many in public school (he's dyslexic also).

Your son might also have some concerns like not being able to play sports anymore if he starts home schooling. There are about a dozen states though that allow home schoolers to participate in after school sports and activities, and even if you aren't in one of those states, most towns have home school sports and city leagues you can participate in for free (or a very tiny fee). They also have private sports programs you can participate in (although I find they are usually ready to prepare your children to go to the Olympics)!

If he still wants a bit of the school experience, he can also do cyberschool. My son is starting cyber school for middle school this year which is free in our state for residents of our state. Many states have cyber schools now. Later on, I plan to put both children in part-time community college when they are 16 as well.

We did the same thing, starting home school on a temporary basis with my son and that was 6 years ago. He insists he wants to home school until he is in college!!! Good luck!

Answer 8

That is tough.

I kept talking homeschooling up to my son before he finally decided he wanted to try it. He was miserable in school, but didn't want to try homeschool for some reason. We did pull him out, and he LOVES it. He never wants to go back, and is thriving academically, socially, spiritually, and musically.

Pray about it, and if it's really what you think you should do, keep telling him about all of the perks. If you want him to agree to it before you try it, just keep working on him. When he talks about things at school that bother him, tell him, "If we homeschooled, you wouldn't have to deal with that right now." Or if he's interested in something, "Yeah. That's really cool. You know, we could spend a lot of time learning more about that as part of our science if we were homeschooling." You know--just take every opportunity you can to get a plug in for homeschooling.

In our family's case, we all agreed that we would try it for one semester. That was it. Just a one semester commitment on all of our parts. It turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. :)

Answer 9

Maybe you should try talking to him first see what the problem is, see whats bothering him. And since you'er no longer at home it might not be such a good idea to homeschool becuase there might be sothing he needs help with or doesn't understand. Just see whats happening in his life try to talk to him like you would a friend. About the bullying well some kids are just JERKS!!!!

Answer 10

sounds like you should take him to counseling because for a kid to change that quick there is more to the story,,sometimes things happen or are going on that we never get to know about until its much to late ,,this child must come first before everything that is going on,,,someone at school could be hurting him in some way and he may not tel you for fear of you or him getting hurt and a counselor will be able to find out this info from him because she is trained do this right away so there is time over the summer for him to learn to trust her enough to talk ,,,dont delay