Would it be disrepectful to want to have your wedding on the date someone close to you died?

Question

I want to get married on the date my father died. Would it be considered disrespectful because I want to have a happy feeling on that day?

He died 10 years ago, and my parents were legally seperated. I have no siblings to contend with, only his 2 brothers who have never been there for me anyways...

Answer 1

It would be to your dad's honor to marry on his day of passing. I just found out this past week that my grandmother died on my Birthday. And I felt so honored that we shared this day together. A double birth of sorts is how I felt about it. I think it's a splendid idea.

Answer 2

I get the happy memories piece of the date I really do but I know it's been about six years since my father died and some days the date is no problem and others I am in a deep funk. Do you want to run the risk of being moody and upset every other year or few years on your wedding anniversary? I couldn't do it but you might be stronger than me. And I don't think it would be disrespectful I just don't think I'd make it through the day well.

Answer 3

I don't think it's disrespectful at all. Since your father would be the one to normally walk you down the aisle, it's kind of showing that he's with you on your day even though it is the day in which it happened that he could not literally be there. (Sorry to not have a sugary way of putting it; but I do feel your sorrow in this issue in the most true sense.) Unless he died only a year so prior to the wedding, then the pain won't be brought up as much.

Do mention at the ceremony in your toast to your guests that you chose this particular day because, although it was the day on which your father passed, it is also now a day of joy and family, which is what he would have wanted all days to be.

Answer 4

It depends on how well you have processed your grief. If you found some way to honor your father during the wedding to show that he isn't forgotten (I'll be putting a stem of my moms fav flower on a empty seat from my bouquet when I walk down) it may be thearputic for EVERYBODY to have that happy memory added. You cannot block out the day as "the day nothing happens" forever, he would probably not appreciate that.

Talk to your family first and explain to them that you want to add a happy memory to that sad one and make sure they are not going to be depressed, and that you won't either. Explain to them about wanting to put a happy feeling on that date instead of the sad one that is there. The only reason I would caution you is my mom died 4 years ago and I know on the anniversary of her death we all still get in wierd moods (including me) so it would not be a good party if I tried that.

Answer 5

I would say no, but make sure your mother and siblings know you have good intentions for it, not that you're trying to "upstage" that event.

I've been to several weddings where the couple will have a picture or floral arrangement near the altar in honor of a close family member that has passed on, as a way of recognizing their importance in their lives.

I think that would be an excellent touch to your ceremony.

Answer 6

I know you are trying to make a bad day better - but think about it long term. Do you really want to have you wedding anniversary forever linked to the anniversary of your father's death? Yes - it will make this day better then it would be other wise - but it will also mean there will always be a shadow over your anniversary and it will never be as happy and carefree as it should be.

Answer 7

Your mom would probably be the one to ask. Even if you feel comfortable with it, if she and your father were still married when he died, it might make her feel very depressed that you're marrying your husband on the day she lost her husband. It might also put a damper on your day to remember that you share your anniversary with the anniversary of your dad's death. Perhaps a better idea would be to have it on a different day, a week or so after the anniversary of his death, and then remember him at the wedding by having flowers and a small picture of him on the altar during the ceremony.

Answer 8

For your mother's sake change the date. She will be sad on that day and will not be able to fully share in the joy of your wedding. I am rather shocked that you would even consider that day as a wedding day. For the rest of your life you want to celebrate on the anniversary of your father's death? That just sounds odd, disrespectful to both your parents, and very selfish.

Answer 9

I don't think it would be disrespectful, but maybe you should discuss it with your family first. Many people wouldn't want to have their wedding on a day they associate with sad feelings, but if your reasoning works for you, then that's good. But you may be upsetting your family, so I'd mention the idea to them first.

Answer 10

i was thinking of this for awhile, but i want that day to be my dads day not my day i dont want to be mourning and crying on my wedding anniversary every year because a wedding anniversary is something that is meant to be a happy day, have something in memory of your dad at the wedding instead like a photo on the guest book table.