Should I be upset that my parents didn't even suggest paying for my wedding?

Question

I have two older sisters. Both are married, and both were payed by my parents. Now it's my turn, in fact almost here June 9th!! We are paying for 99.8% of it. They have payed MABEY 300-400$. Now i understand that being the last child it could be harder for them to pay for it, but it has been 14ish years since my oldest sister has married (10 years older than me) and around 4 1/2 since my other sister married(1 1/2 years older than me). Am I just acting like a spoiled brat? Or being unreasonable for thinking they would eventually suggest taking some of the financial burden off of us? We have been living together for 3 years, but so had my oldest sister when they got married. Just want to know your guys opinion...Thanks!!

Just so you know they are not on a fixed income, my dad makes much more money now then he did when they got married. Also they did have some reservations about my hubby, but they have worked through them. I guess i'm really bringing it up now because i got into an argument with my mom today and she said i was being a spoiled brat about my wedding. I am "being bridezilla" because i didn't want pink, my colors are blue and silver and she kept insisting on putting pink in there. I gave that fight up months ago, just to keep peace...but two weeks away and i'm being spoiled... that really got to me.

Answer 1

When i saw the first sentence, i was inclined to answer this question with a NO. But after reading the additional details, i have to say, yes, i think you are right in being a bit upset. It makes it look like your parents are taking sides or something. As if the 2 older sisters are more important and worth paying for but you are not...! I think at least you have the right to be disappointed.
BUT, i say forget about it. If your wedding is in 2 weeks, just be the better person and put your chin up. Look how much better YOU look at the very beginning of your marriage doing it on your own.

Answer 2

WOW! This is a tuffy not knowing the relationship between you and your parents and also between you and your guy it is very hard to answer this question and I certainly can understand how you would be hurt by them not offering financial support.
Also, have they had financial set backs in last couple of years or lost of job or did they make a big purchase recently like a summer home. If all is good relationship wise and no big purchase then why don't you ask your Mom and Dad but not in a accusing way. Because if you don't know the answer this will really bug you for a long time. And no you are not being a spoiled brat if they paid for your two other sisters then they should pay or help you with yours.

Answer 3

Honey, it's really hard for some parents to let go of their full-grown adult children. That's just the breaks. So how to deal with this? You be very gracious and kind. Smile and say, "Oh my! I'm sure Lydia's photos are lovely - but we've already hired Sam's Shutters to photograph everything - and he's even going to do on-site editing for a great slide show - and there's no room for anything else at the venue." You say this for everything you've already taken care of. Now the law of averages states that at some point, they will make a great suggestion - such as some little out-of-the way chocolatier to make your wedding favors. To which you give them a big hug and smile and say that they have come to the rescue! Wow! XYZ-Chocolatiers - you'd never thought of that. But everything else you either say, "Gosh, that's been taken care of already..." or "Oh. Hmm. Let me think about that" and go about your business. or "Wow! You really saved the day! Great suggestion - I'll look into that right away!" Of course they are going to exclaim that you never take their advice - but by being gracious about it they'll be much quicker to get over their anxieties. They're just anxious about their little girl getting married and all grown up and all that stuff. Just be really gracious.

Answer 4

This probably isn't going to be what you want to hear - but it depends on your parents' financial circumstances. If they've retired since your sisters' weddings, chances are good that cashflow is a lot lower now than it was then. Should they have been budgeting to help pay for your wedding? Sure. But with the fluctuations in the stock market ten years or so ago, lots of older people lost a LOT in a very brief period.

So to answer your question, no, I don't think you should be upset about it. I do think you should have a talk with your parents about it, to let them know you're disappointed and see what they say. I'd be careful not to sound petulant - and you don't want to sound like you're trying to make them feel guilty - but parents generally don't like to share their financial issues with their children, since the parents are "supposed" to have all the answers. Hopefully, your relationship with your parents is strong enough that you can have this kind of open, honest conversation with them. This will clear the air, and everyone will feel better about your looming wedding date.

One other consideration is that perhaps your parents don't care for your fiance, or don't think the chances of success for your marriage are very good. Could either of those reasons be the cause of their not offering to pay for your wedding?

Finally - you sound like a mature, intelligent woman. Parents paying for the wedding is an antiquated custom, from the days when daughters were a burden, and parents paid to get rid of them to someone who would feed and support them. I know how expensive weddings can be, but I felt a lot of pride and independence in paying for my own. (My parents paid for the first one, which didn't last - I paid my own way this time, and it's lasted, which I think is just good karma. ;) )

Good luck to you, and ENJOY your wedding day! Money is just money, and although it's probably tight right now, it's not what's important.

Answer 5

Maybe when your sisters got married things were easier for them financially.I know you sound hurt but you have to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Since they did pay around 400.00 they likely did the best they could.They also likely feel badly that they can't do more and don't know how to approach you about it.
Don't let this make bad feelings between you and your parents.You would always regret doing that.Just be happy you still have them here to attend your wedding.
One day they may be able to help you out in some other way and I'm sure they will.
Have a wonderful wedding day and all the best to both of you.
Congrats!!

Answer 6

Wow, that's a really tough situation, and I'm sorry you're putting up with extra stress before your wedding! Perhaps they had a financial burden that you don't know about, and they didn't want to worry you by telling you how strapped they were for cash. I think I'd probably feel hurt if I were in this situation, but since the wedding is so close, you should probably try to let it go and focus instead on marrying the man you love! You can't do anything to change what's happened, but you can always change how you respond to things.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I hope it's beautiful!

Answer 7

Hey there:) First - for the pink thing - if you don't want pink, you are NOT being a spoiled brat for sticking to that.

As for the money thing - your parents are not obligated to contribute in any way. Yes, it sucks that they did that for your sisters and not you, but in the end, you are a grown woman and hey - since you are paying for the wedding, you have even more right to insist on NO PINK:) Look on the bright side - if they were paying, they would have a lot more control over those details.

Answer 8

Talk to your parents. Maybe they think because you are paying for everything without asking, that you can afford it more than your sisters could. You should be upset, but start with yourself. You should have talked to them when you started planning. Ask your parents how much they are going to give you. They sound like they don't know you expect it or need it or want. Communication is usually the answer to most of life's big troubles. Remember that when you are married. I think your parents will contribute when you let them know you want them to.

If however, it would burden them financially and it obviously would not burden you since you seem to be doing OK without them, then please don't drain them. If they are in the same financial situation as they were when your sisters married, then the above advice applies. Good luck.

Answer 9

Tough call...on one hand you act like they owe this to you...did they ever say they would pay for or help with the wedding or did you just assume they would b/c they did it for your sisters? On the other hand...it is understandable why you would assume such considering the facts at hand. I would have a sit down convo and just talk to them about how you feel. For all you know there could be a reason that they aren't being so generous. Parents have a way of keeping secrets b/c they think we aren't mature enough to handle what's really going on. Talk it out...your feelings may change.

Answer 10

I think there are a lot of factors that could be variables to this situation which I don't know...

Are you a lot older/more established than your sisters when they married? That could make a difference to them.

Also, you have lived with your fiance for 3 years. Some parents think that living together/having children negates them paying for the wedding. Although one of your sisters had been in a similar situation.

Do your parents like your fiance? I hate to say it, but if they don't like him this might be a silent dig.

Have you sat down and talked to them about it? Maybe both of your sisters asked them for help and you didn't. Asking can't hurt, and it may clear the animosity that could put a rift in the relationship between them, you, and your sisters.