My boyfriend and I have been together for abt 2 1/2 yrs. I am African-American and my boyfriend is Arab-American. My beau and I started out as friends and then it developed into us being a couple. We get along really well and of course we've had our ups and downs, but we've always managed to work out our problems. We're deeply in love with each other. We understand each other totally. The way I feel abt him, I have never felt this way abt anyone else before. And with him, he feels the same way.
The biggest problem is his mother. She disapproves of me because I'm black. She has never really gotten to know me at all. She just believes I am all the stereotypes of how black people are. And it's just soooo not right. His mother is forcing him to choose someone from his own ethnic group. My boyfriend has stood up to his mother but she has given him an ultimatum: either he chooses me and it's possible that his mother would disown him or he chooses his family. What should we do?
2007-05-27 14:34:38 · 32 answers · asked by bnagnos 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. This is just my opinion. I think that the decision is up to your BF. If he chooses you over his family, he will be the one disowned.
I realize that different ethnic cultures have different values but to me, do you want him if he were to choose his family over you? You say what should "we" do. Is he asking for advise also?
I was married for 17 years to a woman who put her family before me. I didn't like it. She was the one who ended the marriage and come to think of it, if she put her family before her marriage, why was I surprized that she left me? She was not totally dedicated to the marriage.
It's a hard question you ask and I think that you and your BF have to answer it yourselves. I hope I have given you some helpful things to think about as the 2 of you make this difficult decision. God bless you both.
2007-05-27 14:58:13 · answer #1 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on what he is willing to do. I think it is a horrible situation, but if he isn't willing to be with you no matter what, then you don't really have a choice. Some people are just like that. I know it is horribly wrong, but unfortunately not all the world is as nice and understanding as you and I are. If my parents chose to disown me because of the person that I loved, I'd let them do it, because chances are they will eventually come around. And even if they don't, if I left the love of my life because my mom "made" me.. I would never really forgive her for it, and I would hold a grudge against her. He should explain that to his mother, and if she is still unwilling to give a little, you are kind of left at the mercy of your boyfriend's decision. It's unfair, but it's the truth. I wish you the best, and I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck, Hun.
2007-05-27 14:43:10 · answer #2 · answered by Tina W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
think about it this way....she cant tell him how he feels anymore than he could tell her how she feels, its not her place to choose who he loves. the only people that matter are the 2 of you, forget everyone else's opinions as they mean nothing. and is his mother really willing to destroy 2 families by trying to control something that is none of her business? that is exactly what will happen if she gets her way, he will be miserable, you will be miserable, you will both hate his mother and its just a NO win situation to let her get her way. you need to stand together and both tell her that you're going to be together whether or not she likes it, she can either accept it and be happy for both of you, or she can accept it and not be happy, that choice is entirely up to her, either way she has no option other than accept it.
2007-05-27 14:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by do_sctc145 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its like this when you are grown you have to start making your own decisions, not mom, not dad not anybody. they can say they don't agree but that's fine we are living in a time now that we have to make choices,he needs to ask himself do he want to be happy with the person he picks or have someone his mom picks.Think like this who will spend there whole life with this person , not mom or dad. make Ur own choices plz.it may cause her 2 be mad but she will get better u are no longer a child so u are in control.letting go of family in some cases is best anyway, so this may be a way out.
2007-05-27 14:45:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then show her what a great person you are. I know lots of people who prefer to get married in their own ethnic group, it's totally understandable, it's not because they are racist, it's because they know their type of people better. Don't think about it so much right now, try having your boyfriend explain the situation to his mom. When you get married, she can't really do anything about it. So yea, give it a shot.
2007-05-27 14:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by mnmz4lyf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why you would take the feelings of any third person into account in such a decision. She has nothing to do with it.
Instead, why not spend some time with your beau practicing to be "blacker" than any stereotype she could have already. Not just you, BOTH of you. At first she'll be pissed at the act you put on, later she'll be MUCH more pissed when she realizes how stupid her stereotypes are.
2007-05-27 14:40:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You fail to mention how old the two of you are. If you're truly in love then nothing is going to separate you. This is a decision only the 2 of you can make. Sounds to me like your bf already made up his mind by standing up to his mother.
2007-05-27 14:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by Misty Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you two should call it quits, by any means. It sounds to me as though his mother may be refusing, mentally, to let him go as her son and venture into different kinds of relationships with other women, in addition to her choosing not to accept you because of your race. I believe the three of you should go to see a family counsellor and get a few of those issues worked out; it may do you quite a bit of good.
It's your boyfriend's life, not his mother's. He should be able to live his life as he chooses without her imposing her beliefs upon him.
2007-05-27 14:40:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I dont think you should throw away all that time for a stupid reason like that. If you want to end the relationship, go ahead. But dont do it because his mother disapproves. If you two love eachother, stay together.
2007-05-27 14:38:57 · answer #9 · answered by Samantha G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends how old you both are??????
If you're old enough to live out on your own, and you're sure you're in love, he could probably manage a place by himself and you could help support him there. How much does his family matter to him?
If he chooses his family, you could go behind her back and still go out with each other. I'm sorry though about your situation. That's not right. I wish you both the best of luck!!
2007-05-27 14:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋