Shouldn't a 3 1/2 year old be feeding herself?

Question

My friend's daughter eats finger foods on her own. But if the food requires a fork or spoon, her parents feed her. Her Dad told me she drops food and makes a mess. Should they give her a bib and teach her, until she can do it on her own? I have worked in Pre-school before, the teacher had the children feeding themselves at meal times. Is it possible she may have a learning delay in a certain area of development? Help appreciated.

Answer 1

The child needs to learn self help skills. If the parents don't allow her to make the mess while she is learning to feed herself, she will never learn how to do it right. All children make a mess while they are learning to use utensils. In my opinion the parents are hampering her growth. Even if she did have a learning disability, feeding herself at the table is still a necessary skill to master.

Answer 2

Her learning disability is her parents fear of messes. yes, a 3 1/2 year old should be feeding herself, and if her parents have never let her feed herself with a utensil, then naturally she'll still be making messes when she is given the opportunity. Her parents need to be smacked upside the back of their heads, given some plastic drop cloths for a week and let their daughter go to town learning how to use a spoon and fork. My 20 month old eats a lot better with her fingers, but does pretty well with a spoon. Sure she makes a little mess - but not nearly as bad as 2 months ago when she really got interested in using a spoon.

Again, once her parents/learning delay actually parent and let her do it herself, she'll catch on really quick (because she IS 3 1/2) and she'll be fine. Are they going to feed her until she's married off or something? Why on earth do her parents think doing this for her is helping her? grrr - sorry that makes me irritated!

Answer 3

It sounds to me like the parents just don't want to clean up a mess! The only way a child can learn to feed herself is to let her do it herself. It is possible that she has some fine motor delays, but learning to do it herself will help this. I have a son with Down syndrome who was feeding himself with a spoon AND fork by the time he was two years old. We just let him do it himself. A splat mat underneath her chair will help to keep the floor clean.
Tell them to get some bibs (Bibsters are great!) and give her the spoon. Also, a spoon with a thicker, curved inward handle will be easier for her to grasp, especially if she has a fine motor delay or reduced grip and the inward curve (like the ones here: http://www.baby-wise.com/product_info.php?products_id=1712) will help her get the spoon to her mouth more easily. If she can eat finger foods then she should be able to learn how to use a spoon quickly.

Answer 4

In any learning process one must tolerate "a mess" to get to success. The first attempt at anything is "a mess".
Her father won't tolerate a mess, so he'd better be prepared to feed her, and do all those other skills that are learned latter on that are based on the skills learned in using a spoon and fork (writing, drawing, any fine motor skill).

Quite a task he's set himself.

Answer 5

First of all if you're ready to preserve breastfeeding!! I could breastfeed whereever I desired in my apartment. Look I am certain your MIL has obvious breasts earlier than. I could aid your 3yr ancient attempt to appreciate what you're doing. There is not anything unsuitable with displaying your 3yr ancient that you're breast feeding and inform her that she used to do this whilst she was once a child. You too can attempt to make it a unique time along with your three 12 months ancient through studying her a publication. Have your three 12 months ancient sit down close you (at the sofa) and be the publication holder as you feed your child, then you'll be able to learn the publication to her. Then I could speak to her approximately the entire matters she will be able to do as a significant sister. Have her hand you a diaper whilst you're exchanging the child, or get a blanket for her little sis and be certain to specific what a first-rate significant sister she is. I could additionally attempt to squeeze a few one on one time in in your three 12 months ancient. This is wherein you'll be able to positioned your MIL to well use. Once you're performed feeding child ask your MIL to preserve child at the same time you spend 30 minutes or so gambling along with your three 12 months ancient. Make certain you attempt to do routine that improve her significant lady popularity. Maybe a craft or serving to mother within the kitchen or move to the park. I am certain your MIL simply desired to aid. I appreciate wherein you're coming from. I had a identical drawback, however earlier than I had my child I made it transparent that no person could be staying with us. If they desired to seek advice from throughout the primary month they would, however they could must keep a few position else. I mentioned that this can be a time wherein we wanted a few individual time to regulate to being a household. But considering she is there and it sort of feels like you're caught with that - make it give you the results you want. You can endorse matters she will be able to do to be able to deliver you extra time along with your children. She can blank, cook dinner and do laundry. Mostly I am certain her middle is within the proper position.

Answer 6

It sounds as if her learning delay is her parents! How can she learn to feed herself if they are afraid of her making messes? Give her a spoon and let her go at it...she'll get it. Yes, she should be feeding herself. Her parents need some parenting lessons!

Answer 7

Children make mess on their way to developing certain skills, just like children make mistakes when learning the alphabet and numbers. The parents are being too strict and restrictive, not good for their daughter at all at all

Answer 8

yes she should be feeding herself and it is very likely and right on target that she will make a mess...most 3 year olds do....I have my 13 month old feed himself as he wants to and I think it is good fine motor skills for him.

Your daughter's friend should be eating on her own...most likely her parents do not want a mess...I would allow her to feed herself when she is at your home and maybe ask the parents if they want some ideas to make it less messy for them.

Suggest laying down a cut shower curtain under her seat....maybe find a full smock for them and ask if they would like to use it....also suggest smaller utensils and bowls that have a suction cup to stick to the table to start with.....

It might just also be their culture...when I worked with children many parents would feed their children and I had a 4 year old room...it is just the way they were raised and they want to continue it....I would not worry she will learn in time and it will not hurt her.

Answer 9

Mom of many here, and also previous daycare worker. I have seen this, but younger ages in many kids/relatives...I just didn't get it.. the fear of mess? Or afraid of child to grow up?
Ideally, you should be letting your child handle a spoon when you start feeding them solids...so they can mouth it. but id you don't..you can seriously mess w/their whole development, speech esp.
Sure, I'll give my child a bite off fork, but let feed him??? Heck I recently got rid of all the toddler ware, and now kids are using our silverware/flatware and plastic plates/bowls w/every meal.
sure my 2yo still uses her hands/fingers on occasion.. but a 3.5 should not. It is slowing down the motor skills too.

Answer 10

"Should "has nothing to do with it. Her parents have made a choice that you may not agree with but it is theirs to make. At the point at which they are ready to give her a chance to practice she'll probably be fine. All kids make a mess when they start to use utensils and some parents have a low tolerance for mess. I can assure you that sh'e unlikely to reach adulthood unable to feed herself.