My boyfriend of a year and a half just revealed to me that he feels like I am his close friend more so than a girlfriend. Although he says he still wants to be with me. I ask him why and he says because I don't do things as far physically as he would like. I am saving myself for marriage, and feel like some of the things he wants to do might put me in compromising positions. So although I like to hold hands, kiss, cuddle, and hug...things of that nature...always letting him know I love him, he still feels as though that's not enough. I asked him if he felt he might want to date other people if he was unsatisfied with me, and it took him awhile to answer...but he eventually said no, he loves me...he's just frustrated at having to wait. I feel like I haven't the slightest what to do. We are in our mid 20s. I don't want to compromise my values, but I can't figure if he truly thinks Im what he wants. He is also afraid that if we get married Ill not change.
2007-05-27 10:55:17 · 9 answers · asked by Heather L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What a girl like me to do?
2007-05-27 10:56:07 · update #1
Wow, difficult situation.
Since you are in your mid 20s, why haven't you talked about marriage? Or have you?
Build your relationship around the right things, and you will not focus on the parts of it that seem to drag at time. Good luck
2007-05-27 11:00:01 · answer #1 · answered by mysti_gal11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure that everyone would agree with me on this, but it seems like you are a person who doesn't believe in premarital sex and he's a person who believes it's not morally wrong if you are in a committed relationship. This is a question that has no "right" or "wrong" position...two people can morally hold different positions that are right for each. Unfortunate consequence however is that only one of you gets to have it the way they want. The person who has to compromise is not going to feel good about it...doesn't matter which way the decision goes. In my experience this is a hard difference to have, one that may doom you two as a couple. You don't want him to marry you sooner than he'd otherwise want to in order to get his sexual needs met. In order to determine whether it's worth it for you two to continue to struggle through this difference, as a couple, together take an inventory of all the areas where you as a couple has had one person make a compromise to accomodate the needs and desires of the other. You need to do it as a couple as each of you may be somewhat ignorant of the sacrifices and compromises being made by the other. Look to see how much you are individually compromising. Then look to see if there is an imbalance of compromise....is one person doing it a lot more than the other, or for that matter, a lot more than they'd like. You see, I think there's more going on here than just the sex issue...it has to do with the bigger issue of how do the two of you handle differences of opinion on important matters. Does one of you always cave in and then sulk? Does one of you get angry, loud and intimidating? Get drunk/stoned? Passive/aggressive? Sometimes people handle unresolved conflict through emotional withdrawl, and maybe that's behind his recent comments. Final thought, a friend of mine stayed a virgin until marriage for religious reasons, and was upset that her husband had had sex with a previous girlfriend before marriage. She now wishes she'd had experience with others prior to marriage. Ya never know...
2007-05-27 11:26:35 · answer #2 · answered by Pat D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never compromise your values for some guy! I would just give it a good effort to try to make things special. I had this problem with an ex, it turned out we weren't meant to be, but I tried to do special things for him to remind him how much I loved him. That's really all you can do, if that isn't good for him, you should try to find someone else that will respect your values and be happy with you.
2007-05-27 11:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sould stick with your beliefs. BUT, you should reassure him that you are holding out for marriage and NOT because you don't desire him. Make it very clear that the desire is there, but you are afraid to take things too far. He is probably afraid that after so long, you aren't giving in because you don't want it or don't want HIM sexually. I think you need to ask for an honest answer from him regarding whether or not he is willing to stand by you and your values.
2007-05-27 12:31:26 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your bf is tryin to run a guilt trip on you to get you to expand you sexual horizon, you sound like your scared to try something unconventional and that's okay, but, what are you missing ? How much closer will you be if you and your bf get a little wild in the sex department? You should say I understand you want to do more but telling me your friend feels bad is lame why don't you go to bed with him if his opinion on your sexual appetite is so important?
2016-05-19 02:47:12 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your boyfriend also a virgin? It sounds to me, he does want some sexual activity from you. But don't let him pressure you. You have set a great goal for yourself and have respect for yourself. Don't forget that your needs for yourself is more important then anything. If sex is what he is trying to hint at, because it does sound like what hes doing. But it does also sound like his love for you is real. But like any human, sex is a normal to feeling anyone would want. I would just stand your ground and not give in. But find other ways of pleasing him. Before I gave myself to my sons father we did other things. And it doesn't always lead to sex. It just helps take the pressure off the person...and their needs. So if you feel comfortable about doing that, you can try that.
2007-05-27 11:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both are afraid of change but its okay everyone makes mistakes, and those happen when you rush into things, after marriage comes responsibility you are also free to give him your virginity, reassure him after marriage things will be okay.
With waiting there comes alot of patience.
2007-05-27 11:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by brisghettofab 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stick to ur guns. i respect u for not wanting to have sex. this is obviously what he wants. in ur mid twenties is an age to consider marriage. talk to him and tell him that sex is for married couples. he may understand and to say that u will b like that during marriage is a cop out. u want to b comfortable and not a loose woman.
2007-05-27 11:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by david w 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your savin yourself he should respect that if he puts pressure on you dump him because he's not worth it...GOOD on you for that by the way
2007-05-27 11:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋