I am pregnant, and 21. What should I say to my boyfriends mom in a nice respect ful email?

Question

She is way against having this baby. And I want to have it. She is really stressing my boyfriend out as she over exaggerates things and dramatizes them. She called me and was very mean to me. And this is a lady who used to love me, but now blames me. in fact she even went as far as to claim I planned this and it is a conspiracy against her son. I want to write her a nice, respectful email, asking her to please let us decide and not to keep interfearing. And to just ask her to respect my/our decisions and not put in her two cents. And letting her know I want this baby and that just because I am being optomistic doesn't mean it was planned. What should i say???

Answer 1

Try this:

You have every reason to resent me. You have every reason to be hurt and scared and worried for your son. I am all of those things too, but what seperates me from acting on those feelings is my belief in God.
He is for life and not death and in my heart I know having this baby is his will. It will not be easy and that is why I need you. You play a very crucial role in your son's life and that will naturally place you in my and the child's life. You don't have to like this decision or support it, but your respect is everything to me.
I would never intentionally create life at this age. I know right now you are hurt. I know that. But I will give you your time to be hurt. I love you and you are a future grandmother. Whenever you are ready to come around please email me back. I will embrace you with open arms and forgive and forget all of our fallouts! i need you! We need you! I love you.

Answer 2

First, you are not alone; not only have MANY other women been in your shoes--you probably know at least some--you are never alone because of God. Since I'm saying that, I'll say that I personally believe that a pregnancy, scary though it *is* on many levels, represents a new potential human, and that it is a precious gift from God. If you were not scared, you'd be a bad mother; your first kid, esp. when you are younger, should make you think soberly about your options. I don't know if the statistic is accurate, but along the highway here (I-94 in Michigan) one county's "pro-life" group quotes a high number of people who had an abortion and wish they didn't (something like 90%). While a child is a huge challenge, it is also a huge responsibility, and that life growing in you is not just dead tissue, it's a real proto-person! :-) Don't let "liberal" or "conservative" or "pro-life" or "pro-choice" people dictate to you your beliefs...but don't allow them to confuse the choices, either. You *can* keep your baby. And if you feel strongly about this, you need to talk with your mother (and father?) about this and begin *now* to look for all the organizations and programs which will support you in this. People can be great mothers at 21 or 51...it really depends upon whether or not you are ready to take that kind of interest and time in another young being's life, because the love will come with the child, as you hold it in your arms for the first time (this happened to me with my niece :_). But if you are going to do it, please consider getting hooked up with a good local church, because you'll need love and support, and a good church will give you love that will help lighten your load. Love and peace!

Answer 3

I don't think this is really e-mail material. You might be better off writing her a real letter saying what you want to say, and not forgetting to point out that (while you value her wisom and advice) as adults, you and your boyfriend must make your own decisions. This has to be a cooperative effort on the part of both of you, by the way, and both of you have to stand together in the face of his mother's unhappiness. Try really hard not to be too hurt by this kind of reaction - history (not to mention literature and the movies) are full of these kind of stories for a good reason..
You and your boyfriend put your heads together and make the best decision you can together - seek advice from people you know and respect, but make the decision yourselves. Then go on from there. You may make a good decision or a mistake, but all you can do is the best you can do and remember how it works out for if you run into any similar situation again.
You're young, but you're an adult, and therefore legally entitled to screw things up just as badly as any of your parents ever did, if that helps at all. And whatever you do, don't take out any of this on your boyfriend - God knows he's going through just as much strain and uncertainty as you. You both need all the support and affection you can get, and you're going to have to get it from each other a lot now. Welcome to the joys and responsibilities of "couplehood", if not marriage and parenthood - it rarely comes when you're ready, but we all stagger along the best we can. Good luck, and remember one hug and cuddle can get you a whole lot further than a lifetime's worth of nagging and fussing...

Answer 4

I'm 21 also and expecting in July 2007. The best answer that I can give you is that it is you and your partners decision to go through with the pregnancy and the mother should just accept the fact that her son is going to be a father regardless of how she feels about the situation and how it happened. The most important thing right now is to be focused on the health of your unborn child because depending on how far along you are your stress, aggravation, and worry could ultimately affect your baby. By the way congratulations. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 5

Nothing. If you are sending her an email to ask her to stop interfering and being mean to you, all you are doing is feeding into the idea that this is her decision to make and not yours. Just continue on with the pregnancy and take care of yourself very well for the baby's sake.

As far as her allegation that you got pregnant on purpose: you will never be able to prove that you didn't plan this, even if you didn't. Your boyfriend's mother has already made up her mind and will not show support for your choice. That said, temporarily cut or reduce contact with her to avoid stressing yourself out. Until the baby is born, communicating with her will be your bf's responsibility. Seek out people who love you and support you. Congratulations on the baby and good luck.

Answer 6

You need to tell her mind her fn business! Nah, but seriously you need to let her know that you and her son are adults and both knew the consequences of unprotected sex while you all were doing it. But it was a surprise to the both of you when you found out you were pregnant. You also need to tell her that this is yalls child and whether you keep it or not should be a choice you all make together. Besides, you two will be the parents, not her. You just need to tell her you want the baby and you don't feel like you should get rid of your child because she wants you to. In all reality if you abord this child it will haunt you for the rest of your life and you will regret it. And the worst part of it is you can never bring that child back. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what your child would have been...you make the decision...keep it...

Answer 7

Don't write an e-mail. E-mail may be the most non-respectful way to tell someone something. Tell her to her face everything you just told me. Not on the phone, e-mail, or a letter. And don't put it off till it's time for the baby! Also, you should talk to your boyfriend about all of this. How does he feel about having the baby and how his mother is treating you. I'm thinking you are about to need to have a lot of talks in the next few days.

Answer 8

You know what if she thinks of you as the problem then the question is how did you get pregnant? Did you do it all by yourself , so let her stop this nonsence of making you feel guilty her son is just as well to blame and she should be the adult here in thinking about the feelings towards you . As I see it this is between you and her son not you and her. As she was not in the room with you on that night. Nor is she there to plan with you guys. She does not deserve an email from you if this is her attitude.

Answer 9

You should have to tell her anything. Your boyfriend should be the one talking to his mom, especially about not disrespecting you.
If you just really want to send her something, then what you said is fine. It doesnt have to be long or mean. Tell her that her negativity is not going to prevent anything. If she doesnt agree with what you two have decided you respect her opinion but thats all it is... her opinion. Tell her you would like to continue the good relationship you two had before, especially since you'll be having her grandchild... but the way shes acting now is only going to cause a hostile situation and theres no need for drama with something as precious as a baby coming into the world.

Answer 10

Don't write an email tell her in person that you are having the baby and that her opinion doesn't matter just yours and her son. Tell her she can either get on board and enjoy the coming of her grandchild or be ostracized from the child's live. Tell her its her decision. If she continues to be negative do not concern yourself with her anymore whats important now is you and your baby. Stress will hurt your chances of having a healthy baby. Now is the time for you to be strong for you and your child because nobody (including the child's father) will do it for you.