How can this happen to a supposed homeschool kid?

Question

So my boyfriend's parents did drugs and lived in nearly abandoned houses with 7 children. When he was in 8th grade, and his sister was in 10th they asked them if they wanted to stay home (they told them it was homeschool) so they could watch the other children.

Anyway, they probably didnt have a correct address to their house....and my bf basically didnt have any schooling past half of 8th grade. Now that he isnt a child anymore, he really regrets it and despised his parents for letting him ruin his life.

I dont understand how they could have gotten away with it?

K, he is second oldest and his parents are divorced now (his dad is in jail and his mom does pot still).

Anyway, the oldest sister got pregnant at 18, has no GED, been married + divorced already...and doesnt look like she is going anywhere.

My bf wants to have a future, but at sometimes feels he HAS to take care of the other kids too to give them things he didnt have. Im currently making him study to get a GED and have made it where he wants to attend college for engineering.

The next oldest is in high school (10th grade) and the mother has considered letting her homeschool.

And most all the kids are failing school, and she always has the older ones (well, the one still living there is in 10th grade) watch the younger ones (4 yrs old) and miss school all the time.

I mean, one of them is 8 and cant even count very far or read basic words!

I feel so helpless because I think she shouldnt have the kids, but I cant say anything cause then I wouldnt have my bf. Help?

K, and we are not kids or anything. We both live together, but it seems like he will not move away because he feels the need to be here for his mom and siblings.

Yet, I think everything would be easier if the children got away from the mother. But I cant say anything due to the fact, that the whole family will be against me and I'll lose my boyfriend in the first place.

I mean, the mom will spend a few days at her boyfriends house. Or he will stay in their 2 bedroom trailer while they have *** together, and the rest of the kids have to pile in the one other bedroom and living room. I mean come on! Its driving me crazy how pathetic she can be.

Answer 1

When you go on an airplane, with kids, one thing they tell you is that, if you are asked to put your oxygen on, do yours before you do your kids, because, if you can't breath, you can't help them.

So he is definitely doing the right thing taking care of himself, getting a good education, finding a good job.

It won't help him to despise his parents. Maybe he can even thank them for the fact that he is alive.

I know what it's like to feel responsible for a large number of children. I completely understand the responsibility and the pressure when someone inadequate is in control. [( I am the oldest of eleven children. My mother, who is mentally ill, left when I was seventeen. My father is crippled.) I didn't however help out at home or anything because I had to. I did it because I wanted to, because I love my little siblings and my dad and I wanted us to stick together. I didn't want anything to break us up.]

Your boyfriend sounds like a really great guy, but if he feels it's time for him to leave and start a family of his own. He needs to do whatever it takes to get someone else taking care of those children, be it children's aid or whatever.

If he doesn't feel he could stomach radding on his mom and he wants to be the one bearing the responsibility.

He needs to hold a threat over her head. Do this... or else. Send Joey to school or really homeschool him or I'll call child services. Get your act together or I'll call child services. Go to a rehab clinic and stay clean or I'll call child services. I've had enough of your irresponsibility mom. This is it. You asked me to stay home from school in grade eight and do your job. Guess what, "Unless you get your act together I'm doing all of it, including deciding where the kids are going/how they're going to school."

Truth be told if the kids are behind in school and they aren't motivated to work, the school probably isn't going to do much to help them catch up.

Still, that doesn't sound like the primary concern at the moment. The primary concern seems to be for him to build himself a livelihood, and or delegate the responsibility of raising these kids to someone else.

Hope all works out! Blessings!

Answer 2

Why not just educate your kids in your own language and see that they take some classes that will help them speak english well? As far as the idea that public schools are the only place to find socialization, well, unless you live somewhere very isolated or plan to lock your kids up in the house, the idea that they will have no outside interaction as a homeschooler is ridiculous. There are scouts organizations, co-ops, community centers, parks, playgrounds, library programs, 4-H clubs, church activities, summer camps, sport teams, volunteering, making friends with the neighborhood kids-- soooo many things kids can do. I'm beginning to feel really sorry for the people who think schools are the only place to socialize or learn or work with others-- they must not take their kids many places besides school, or maybe they didn't get to do much else when they were young. Kinda limited compared to all the homeschoolers I know who spend so much time out and about in the world in so many different settings. MSB

Answer 3

It is a sad situation, however it is not what happens to you in life, but how you rise above it.

There is nothing stopping them from pursuing an education now.
There are adult evening classes, vocational re-hab centers, classes at job service centers, all these places can offer assistance, or send you in the right direction, as well as have you attend classes while working.

This situation does not fall under home schooling, but rather under neglectful parenting.

You can however leave school when you reach age 16, and have finished the 8th grade, as far as I know that is the law.

So now it is time to concentrate on where they need to go from here, not dwell on how did this happen.

Edit:
In your updates you do say that the others are still in school, but failing, so the real question here should be, "how come the school has not intervened here, they are normally pretty fast with pointing the fingers at the parents"?
Where are the truancy officers now?
It seems to me; if this is all accurate; that the mother is in need of an intervention as much as the children; you, and you boy friend may want to contact a drug rehabilitation center, and ask for advice on how to proceed.



Good luck.

Answer 4

Number one, they were not homeschooling, so lets not associate that with what millions of normal people do with their children. What that is called is neglect.
I'm confused how the children were enrolled anyway to PULL out of school, if they didn't have a correct address and lived in abandoned houses. I know from my volunteer work that homeless children have to go through a huge deal of paperwork to get enrolled into schools, and you have to show all kinds of utility papers and such.
This whole story sounds crazy, and I'm sorry for that. This question should probably be in higher education, because there is a lot of potential for him to succeed. He needs to get passed his anger at his parents and take charge of his own life. There a many, many teenagers who have their own children and get into college. There is no reason why he can't 'keep an eye' on his siblings while achieving his own dreams.
You might be surprised to hear that it doesn't take much more than an 8th grade education to pass the GED, but he could get one of the prep books (which usually have their own shelves at the library, check it out for free), contact a local community college and take the test there. It takes two years to get an associates, so by the end of summer he could be in school, and be on his way. IF he's willing to work hard and stop blaming his parents. Sure, they screwed up, but thinking your life is already ruined is one way to ensure that it is.

Answer 5

The reason why neglectful, abusive cases like this happen is because those who witness it don't get involved. When cases like this are encountered and nothing is done the neglect is condoned. Your boyfriend probably feels helpless but does not want to abandon his family to advance himself. It is difficult when you are in a stressful mess like this to actually get perspective and see a way out. So the mess continues. If the mom had a physical illness that prevented her from caring for her children everybody would love to help. Because she has a psychiatric condition coupled with drug abuse everybody looks the other way. Talk to a counsellor or mental health/addictions service/child protection service if you really want to help this family. Your boyfriend could be a part of helping his siblings escape this situation. The damage being done could be permanent, if your boyfriend loves you he will welcome your help and encouragement. Remember, it happens because no one stops it.

Answer 6

It's child abuse, but the best thing he can do is try to put it behind him, work on finishing his education (GED) and try to make a difference in other kids lives.
Also, hard as it might be to forgive them, it is better for him than letting hate for his parents ruin his life. Don't forget, just forgive for his own sake.

And, his life is not ruined! He just needs to try to get back on track, figure out what ever positive lessons he can learn from this experience and show the world that no matter what life hands you, you can overcome it if you are willing to work at it and have a positive attitude. Other people have been through much worse and turned out good. He can too!

Answer 7

I sincerely urge you to discuss with your boyfriend the need to call child services, for the sake of the young siblings. It's just not fair to put them through this, they are the victims here now that can be helped, and the ones that need protecting the most. It is admirable your bf is going for his GED and pursuing educational options; he sounds like he's grown up to be responsible and realize what's best for him, but if he really cares about his siblings he should do what he can to help them. Wanting to help and protect his mom is admirable, too, however an adult who has made bad choices should not be protected at the expense of children's lives and futures. He can still offer her his love and support come what may, but shouldn't let his siblings suffer for it.

Good luck
MSB

Answer 8

My first curiosity is: What are you doing to help his situation any better? (Other than encouraging him to continue his schooling) Are you in some way, able to connect with his siblings? If either of you two were to take his siblings out somewhere, even for just a short trip beyond of their mother's reach like a visit to your house let's say, do you know how she'll react? Or would she just not care?

It's obvious that he will not get far if he is hesitant about this problem he has. Might as well find a way to assure him that his siblings will be fine while he'll busy himself studying to finally graduate and have a good future.

He needs to know that he won't be of any use to them unless he helps himself first. That way, he can now give his siblings a suitable lifestyle as well without worrying about himself.

He's the only one who won't give up, in contrast to his sister you described.

How they got away with it? Either they were good at hiding their actions (such as teaching their children to lie or threaten them) or those who could've gotten them busted were too lenient on them ~ or careless.

Answer 9

You need to stand up and be a voice for these children! You need to call Child Protective Services asap! Tell them what is going on and keep badgering them until those children are out of that dysfunctional and horrible home. Even if you lose your boyfriend because of it, so what? You will have saved the lives of all those other children and that is worth most anything.

Answer 10

How did your boyfriend do in school? Was he and his sister getting good grades? Did the authorities in the school know that they were living in those conditions?
I'm sorry to ask so many questions in response to your question but there are students at our local public school who live in terrible conditions. It can happen whether a child is 'home schooled' or public schooled. Children rarely ask for help and if they do not ask for help, it is almost impossible for responsible people in the government schools to 'intrude' in their private lives.
I'm sorry for what happened to your boyfriend, his sister and the other 5 children. I could happen in home school or public school and it does happen.
Please tell your boyfriends to start from this day forward and don't let the past "ruin his life". Get an education. Start now.
It is not too late.