I have 3 y/o fraternal twin girls. One acts like a princess, the other like a boy. She dresses like a boy, runs like a boy, likes boy things, etc. I don't by any means encourage this, but I do allow her to wear shirts with baseballs on them and jean shorts, allow her to play with tractors, etc., because that's what she likes. She does have dolls, play dress up clothes, but she doesn't really like them. A lot of people seem to think that I should take all of the boy things away from her and make her act like a girl, but I don't see that this will have any effect on her but to cause confusion later on in life. If she is 3 and has been doing this since she was 2, I think it was inherent, and I just feel that taking away these things from her will do more damage than good. Any thoughts or suggestions?
2007-05-27 06:24:44 · 18 answers · asked by Wendy R 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
People are weird and their priorities are all wrong.
Who cares if your daughter acts like "a boy", a princess or something in between. She's THREE years old. She's a little girl, and some little girls prefer to play with cars, get dirty and wear pants instead of dresses. it doesn't mean she's going to have a bad life or be a bad person. It means she doesn't want to play with dolls or wear dresses. that's it.
I hated dresses and barbies when I was a child. I collected cars and plastic animals. I didn't like dresses until i was older and even then I didn't like frilly dresses. The only and absolutely only thing my parents had to accept is the fact that I didn't want a big wedding with a big expensive wedding dress. They were happy to pay for a more modest and less princess-like wedding dress.
My daughter is the same way as I am. She prefers to play hockey and play with the plastic animals that I had collected as a child and then gave to her. She's a good girl, she's had crushes on boys and she's genuinely a wonderful person to be with.
Taking away your daughter's toys will only remove her identity and make her sad. She's not like her sister, she's her own person. Tell those people who don't like her identity that you love her and appreciate her for who she is. My guess is that if you support your daughter as she bucks the princess trend, she will become a far more secure person than if you force her into the plastic world of barbies.
2007-05-27 06:49:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one, but here it goes.
I don't think that allowing your daughter to indulge in "Boy" things is going to hurt her. She's going to play with the things she likes, and in the end, might end up with a more masculine essence, regardless of what you do. But until she grows up, moves out, and gets the final say on where her life is going to go, you have a lot of say as to what she does.
Look at things along the lines of encouraging behavior, or tempering it. So she'd rather wear jeans than dresses? OK, buy her jeans, but buy jeans with a feminine twist to them. She wants baseballs on her shirt? Fine, find a pink shirt with baseballs on it. And, whenever you feel it is appropriate, and once in awhile just for good measure, make her wear a dress and nice shoes.
Keep in mind that for all her likes and dislikes, you are the parent, and have final say on what she wears, and to a certain extent, what she does. If you believe she should dress a certain way, it is perfectly within your right to insist she do so. You are raising her (hopefully) to have values similar to your own. When she gets much older, you will probably give her more leeway to make her own decisions. For now, you have the right and responsibility to make those decisions for her.
Just remember that behaviors like this aren't inherent. My daughter was the same way at 3. She wore mostly jeans, and shirts, and had a tendency sometimes to push the boys around to take away their trains. That being the case, she was expected to wear dresses to church, and at special functions and occasions. We would give her choices sometimes as to what dress, but when we said dress, dress it was. Now, at the age of 6, she is definitely more feminine. She plays more with dolls, but still likes legos and blocks. Her favorite activities involve running around outside, which requires jeans (I can't count how many pairs of stretch pants she's ruined!). But whether jeans or shorts, shirts or dresses, everything has a feminine twist to it. And now she loves dress up!
2007-05-27 06:51:47 · answer #2 · answered by LT Dan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What exactly are they worried about? I was always climbing trees and always mucky and wearing jeans. Total tomboy. I hit a girly stage. It just didn't really happen to me till I was about 21 lol! My daughter is shaping up to be the same. She is only 18 months old and already has no interest in the dolls she has. She would rather sit with her dad when he is working on his car or play with her toy trucks and stuff. She will be what she will be. If this is what your daughter prefers to play with then surely she will be bored and a little upset if all this was to be taken away from her. Tell the people who don't like it to rack off lol.
2007-05-27 06:33:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
aww thats so sad:[ i'm gonna pray for your girlfriend. Well, you could do lots of things. You could go to the beach, the park, the movies, take her out to eat and stuff like that. Things that are safe. Some days she may not be feeling too weell ,so take that into consideration. Try to spend as much time with her as possible but give her time to her family and herself. Make her feel special and tell her that she is beautiful. Any day could be her last. Dont treat her like she is sick and try not to be negative and sad. Take pictues and videos to remember her later on. Also i think that you could talk about it when she is ready, but since it hasnt been too long since shes heard i think you could wait.Its gonna come up eventually. You could say something like "Whatever happens just know that i love you and your a great friend and i'll miss you" good luck. hope i helped:]
2016-05-19 01:13:01 · answer #4 · answered by kimberley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, leave her be. If she prefers trucks to dolls that's her preference, not a threat to her womanhood in twenty years. If you take her favourite toys away you will only make her angry and sad, and jealous of all the other kids who have those toys. Being a little rougher in play than the average little girl (a tomboy in fact) is not a crime, a perversion, or an error, and won't stop her from discovering boys and make up later. Let her have fun.
2007-05-27 06:51:51 · answer #5 · answered by Cabal 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think there's a problem letting her play. seems to me she is turing out to be a tomboy, and thats not really a bad thing. I was a tomboy growing up, and now I am a married woman with 4 children. Your daughter is just exploring. I have a 7 year old that refuses to wear earings, brush her hair, or wear clean clothes, where my 2 year old loves earings and her hair put up and dresses galore. It's ok, let her play.
2007-05-27 06:43:21 · answer #6 · answered by lilmissblossom 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
let her be her, i had 3 brothers and i was a tomboy, i also had dolls and stuff, but i preferred the "boy stuff" so what, i am a married woman with 5 kids, i wear Levis and dresses, i am very feminine looking, i would not worry and let her be herself, i can't imagine why people would tell you to take away her things, would you take the dolls away from your other daughter?
2007-05-27 07:00:48 · answer #7 · answered by melissa s 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should just let her continue to play and dress boy-ish. There's no problem with a girl acting like a boy. It could just be a phase. Well I hope everyhting works out.
2007-05-27 06:31:50 · answer #8 · answered by . . . 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are ridiculous! Ask these people "what is your favorite hobby?" - no matter what the answer is then say "well...I don't think it's appropriate so don't do it anymore". WATCH THE REACTION ON THEIR FACE! Now tell them that is exactly how your daughter will be if you don't let her enjoy what she prefers. It's not harmful..it won't turn her into a boy, it is just happy enjoyment! What is wrong with that?
I would be glad she is learning to not want ONLY what her sister wants. Ya know what I mean?
2007-05-27 06:32:56 · answer #9 · answered by Rebecca A 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
so she doesnt like girlie things who cares. not all girls play with dolls and wear dresses. i was very athletic didnt like dresses and stuff til i hit puberty. who cares and to the last answer shes not a lesbian she is 3. ever girl is different so shes a tomboy. big deal. let her be, my son is four and loves playing with dolls theres nothing at all wrong with it
2007-05-27 06:50:27 · answer #10 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋