This makes me angry! I hear so much about negative attitudes on adoption?

Question

Such as, it should be a last resort, only in certain circumstances, always have contact with birth family, etc etc.
Why can't people realise that just because a child is born to a family doesn't mean they belong there if they not well looked after. Any idiot can get pregnant (l'm not bitter, l have childen), it's the easy part of having a child! Children DO NOT have unconditional ties to biological families, they have ties to their family, the people who raise them well! Blood does not bind people together, blood simply carries oxygen around a body. My point is, if people are stuffing up their kids, they should be given to someone who can give them a real upbringing. What are others thoughts?

Answer 1

As an adopted child, you are certainly preaching to the choir! :)

What I hate is the people who think it is bad to adopt internationally because "you should take care of your own".

I'm sorry, but even the poorest of the poor here in America have something that people in certain places in Africa and Asia do not - opportunities. Being raised in America, even orphans get a public education, can work and study hard and earn scholarships that give them a college education - and education is the key to overcoming poverty. Do the orphans in Africa and Asia have that? Do they have adequate health care and food in their bellies every day? How many of them are able to overcome their social caste?

Think about what you are saying. America is the richest nation in the world, and if you think that our children are as bad off as some of these other children in other nations, then you exist in a bubble.

So many people who speak out against adoption have never adopted a child themselves, period, so maybe they should put their money where their mouth is an go ahead and adopt ANY child.

Answer 2

I believe that adoption should be a last resort because it causes so much pain for the child. My husband is 25 years old and still cries to this day wondering why his mother did not want him. He asks me why he wasn't good enough to keep. He wonders why when she first saw him she did not feel love that a mother should. He is extremely hurt by the situation and is completely against adoption. His adoptive parents are great but they have never been able to fill the void that his biological mother and father could. He knows nothing about his family history. He even had one guy ask him how old he was when his parents bought him. This is soooo horrible to me!! You would be surprised to know how often the subject comes up and how often he is reminded of it!

Answer 3

As an adult adoptee, I completely understand where you are coming from, and agree with much of what you are saying. In general, people who do not understand adoption should keep their ignorant comments to themselves.

However, and this is my opinion... blood DOES bind people together, it is not simply oxygen around in a body... adoptive family relationships are not "equal" to and do not "replace" biological family relationships.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that biological parents should receive "preferential" treatment in abusive or neglectful situations... and I do believe adoption is a wonderful thing, and would adopt kids myself in a heartbeat... but adoptive parents have flaws just like biological parents - and with the exception of situations where the child is unwanted, the parents cannot care for the child (e.g. due to age), and neglectful or abusive situations... who is put a value judgment on what kind of family is "better" than another kind of family? Is a rich family better than a poor one? An educated family better than a "noneducated" one? A child needs to feel ATTACHED to their parents... and blood is one of the strongest and most significant social boundaries in existence.

I bring this up because of my personal experience. My adopted parents are fully committed to adoption and had biological as well as adopted children (it was not a "last resort" for them)... however, as an adopted child, I would give anything to understand my biological history, medical and genetic information, and the "story" of how I came into existence. It does not mean that I love my adopted family less, or that they love me less. It just means that nothing can replace biological relationships - they are unique.

Answer 4

So many people are just uneducated about the entire concept of adoption, including proper adoption language. The thing is, it's a personal decision and no one should criticize the decisions that have been made by others. Provide support to them, but keep your personal opinion out of it unless it's asked for. That's my opinion. We need to educate people on REAL adoption, not the Madongelina type.

Answer 5

Its my thought that what is best for the child, is best for Society!

Rotton parents does a child no good. I have seen on the News that parents killed thier children because they were "unfit" as adults to even have children, yet, they had them and killed them through neglect, and all the children were eventually taken away from them!

Drug addicted parents are "not" good parents! They should never have children because they cant help themselves, nor the child. They dont give enough love and attention to the child, when they are under thier addiction.

In my opinion, adoption agencies do a wonderful job of placing children and "special needs" children in loving care, (most of the time), but, there are still cases where, as in Ohio, the parents caged the children...

So, no matter what, your going to have the nut jobs, having children and those children will grow up just like the parents, (they have no other role model), and turn out to be bad parents also.... Its a vicious cycle and its hard to end it.

I wish you well...

Jesse

Answer 6

I agree that if children arent being looked after properly by their biological family they should be given to people who can give them the love and affection that they deserve.
However if, when the child is older and wants to get in touch with their biological parents they should be allowed to as by not allowing them to can cause upset and animosity to the adopted family.

Answer 7

I understand your point,but when children are adopted,they have no say in that matter at that time,so i think once an adopted child is old enough,and wants to have contact with the biological parents,he/she should be able to do so.Please understand what i said,if the adopted children want to,not if the biological parents.

Answer 8

I agree .. I don't believe that blood is thicker than water ...I think that children need to be loved & cared for and if the biological parents can't do it then they should not have the right to keep screwing up the kid just because they gave birth to them.

I am adopting an older child and its not a last resort for me I want a larger family and unfortunately I waited too long to have my own and I turned to older child adoption because they need love and security as well.

Answer 9

I agree with you 100%. It is not adoption that I am against. It is adopting children from other countries. Angelina Jolie couldn't find an abused child in Detroit or a crack baby in LA? I think you are absolutely correct in your thoughts on birthing is not the same as raising a child an just because you give birth does not mean you are a good parent. Do you know you have to have your house inspected to adopt some dogs? But any idiot can accidentally get pregnant and they "have rights"!

Answer 10

i feel u completely. my friend had a similar question like yours and im gonna tell u the same thing. its not the babys fault the way he or she is born into this world. only the parents can decide if they want a positive environment or a negative one. children are a gift from god, and people who help a helpless child are touched by god.