A safe, biblically-based spanking?

Question

I am pro-spanking, but never liked the idea of using belts etc or just lashing out at kids. I saw this quote from Lenora Hammond, a Christian missionary, which seemed to make a lot of sense: 'If physical punishment is due, it should occur in the privacy of a room. Wildly whacking out at a child walking past is never a good strategy. Take the child to a calm place, explain what the offense was and ask if they understand their guilt. Ask your child to willingly submit by bending over onto the bed and use a slipper with a rubber sole. This has enough flex in it to not bruise the child, but has enough of a sting to be felt. After the spanking, spend time hugging your child and remind him of your love for him.' The whole controlled spanking with a slipper thing seems to make a lot of sense. Anyone use this approach? What do people think?

Answer 1

If your husband took you into the woodshed, told you to willingly bend over so that he could administer your punishment, you would call this abuse. You might even call the police.

How is spanking a child any different? It's abuse in it's worst form because it is delivered by a supposedly loving parent.

I've raised 3 decent, respectable kids without ever raising a hand to them. It can be done but the parent has to be willing. Lazy parents strike out. Dedicated parents teach.

***I love how refusing to spank my kids always gets me an unbelievable number of thumbs down. Let's see if we can beat my personal best of 37.

Answer 2

The bible says make it clear that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. I think it's very important to understand a spanking is not a beating nor a torture, but it is to inflict pain as a result of disobedience or wrong doing. The bible also makes it clear that the child's BUTT is where that spanking should occur, no where else. Your butt is nothing but muscle and tissue. You will not break a child's buttcheek by spanking them. Also, it's important to not spank a child in the heat of a moment, but to calm down first, and explain why the child is going to be spanked. After you do, I think it's a great idea to explain why you had to do it so they understand, and also show them that you love them dearly. Spankings when done correctly will only have positive results on a child. I bet the majority of the kids on those talk shows like maury never got a spanking ;)

Answer 3

Pro-spanking? Is that like, "pro-war?" You're in favor of it?

Laura, no offense, but you need a retread, girl.

The notion that a calm and quiet place and a forced confession followed by pain applied by a trusted and presumably loving parent makes NO sense. As one of your other respondents noted, how'd you react to trip to the woodshed?

I got some whippings when I was a kid, and deserved every one of them. They came when:

A) I had seriously violated a trust, and
B) I knew I had done so, and
C) words had been tried and didn't work, and,
D) the spanking could be applied IMMEDIATELY

My parent's reaction was one of righteous indignation. There was no 'splainin' to do -everyone knew what had happened. And while it did NOT, literally "hurt them more than me," it was very painful for them as well because the last thing they wanted to do was apply the force of discipline to a kid they love. We BOTH hated it. They were not "pro-spanking."

Ask your child to willingly submit? Are you kidding me? There's no asking -if she/he has it coming, guess what, it's coming!

And that's where you have a problem. If the kid really doesn't "get it" that a serious violation has occurred, you don't explain it to them and then hit them! They need to know what the problem is and THEN when they cross the boundary AGAIN you apply whatever discipline is appropriate.

And I don't care whether it is spankings, time-outs, exclusion, removal of privileges, being grounded or whatEVER -any "punishment" that is not already connected, in the kid's mind, with the transgression makes no sense.

And that leaves the kids who regard the effort of punishment as a game or an attention getting device or a statement of their self worth. Proceed with caution.

Did someone say, "Never spank in anger?" Ridiculous! Its all about the anger, about some violation that was so god-awful it made mommy or daddy really MAD AS HELL. Otherwise, application of physical pain becomes a calculated decision, sort of like picking out what clothes to wear today. Its a mind game the kid will always lose until he or she adapts to it and consciously accepts the soft-slipper session in exchange for going across the tracks -again. And that forces YOU to hit harder next time, doesn't it?

So, being angry means you might do REAL damage -you'll go out of control, impart physical injury? If that's what's in YOUR head, you are already a threat.

If there is no emotional component, Laura, there is no meaning for the kid.

Spanking is a rare thing, and happens only when the most serious and premeditated assaults on deeply held values and expectations occur. Its not in your usual tool kit of disciplinary techniques. For some personalities, its not even in the cards.

Did someone say, "spanking out of love?" I'm going to go crazy! You spank when you are angry over SERIOUS premeditated behavior; it is possible that you may never, ever spank, it is so rare. But you damn well better be mad. Why are you angry? Because you've been terribly hurt by the child's action. Anger comes of your own hurt -anger ALWAYS comes of hurt. And why are you hurt? Because you love your kid, that's why. If you didn't have the love, you wouldn't experience the pain, would you? That anger is SUPPOSED to be there! Tell someone you love them and then hit them? Say "Hello" to the next generation of sadomasochists!
Go read a different book. Dobson, schmodson.

Answer 4

Having raised 3 and helping to raise countless others in foster care, day care and helping to raise 3 grandchildren, I also agree that there are many disciplines other than spanking. However, I believe that if you are going to spank your child you should NOT use your hand. Your hands are for blessing and loving your child, never hurting your child. I love the idea of the soft soled slipper. You only need to get a response from your child with the spanking, not beat them. Never spank in anger, never use more than 1-3 swats on the back side. Tell your child why they were disciplined, then cuddle them, kiss and comfort them afterward.

Answer 5

I have never used this approach since I do not have children but the underlying principle here makes plenty sense and I am happy that it is in harmony with God's word the Bible.

Children need discipline of course and it does not always take the form of corporal punishment. There will, however, be times when it does. We read at Jeremiah 46:28 where God told his people "I shall have to chastise you to the proper degree." Very often children require only a few stern words or perhaps punishment in the form of no television.

But when corporal punishment is necessary, children should never be spanked in anger. Thus that eliminates "wildly whacking" as Ms. Hammond says. Also, explaining to the child why he/she is being spanked is very good. The child should understand that what he did was wrong and the child should understand WHY it was wrong.

Post-spanking hugging is good too. The child should be convinced that his/her parent is disciplining out of love and that no way does the spanking mean the child is no longer loved.

I'm not too sure about asking the child to "submit" to the spanking. What does the parent do when the kid spits out a resounding "NO!"?

At any rate, I agree with the fundamentals here. Kudos to Ms. Hammond who is underscoring the beneficial teachings of the Bible.

P.S. I was spanked as a child and so was my sibling. So were all my cousins. We all came out perfectly fine and it was hardly to be considered abuse. Nowadays, kids don't have a clue; as one poster mentioned above, they run roughshod over everyone - including their parents and they have absolutely no respect for anybody. If a child was raised fine without corporal discipline - all well and good. But let it be known that quite frankly, some kids need corporal punishment. Period.

Hannah J Paul

Answer 6

Prov 10:13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding.

Prov 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.


Prov 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Prov 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

I have been spanked and whipped by a belt. I have spanked my child also. However i have found that my tone of voice works too. However you have to spank them sometimes. But i still make sure that my child knows why she is being punished and that the reason for the punishment is because i love her and i want her to do right.

Answer 7

What is a "safe spanking". The psychological reseach tells us that spanking is not safe. It tells us that spanked children have more psychological problems and behave worse, not better. Don't take my word for it - look it up. You wouldn't give your child medical treatment without considering the advice of doctors, so you should want to consult the advice of psychologists before you spank them.

Also, anyone who doubts the strong connection between spanking and sex should google the word "spanking" and see how many porn hits they get. It is not a good idea to do something to a child that a huge number of adults do for sexual fun.

As for Proverbs, I love the way that people quote the Old Testament selectively, taking the verses they want and leaving the ones they don't want. It rather suggests that they have never actually sat down and read the book, doesn't it?

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 says that a stubborn and rebellious son should be stoned to death. Do you do that?

Leviticus 15:25-29 says that a menstruating woman must sacrifice two turtles or two doves in order to cleanse herself. Do you do that?

Deuteronomy 23:2 tells us "A bastard may not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even unto the tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord." Do you ban the children of unwed parents, down to the tenth generation, from your church?

Or do you just follow the Old Testament instructions that you feel like following?

Before you answer that question, you had better ask your husband what your opinion should be because right in the New Testament, Ephesians 5:22-24 says that a woman should submit to her husband in the same way that she should submit to God

5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Answer 8

As a parent, I have some concerns about using anything more than my hands.

My sister used the same philosophy as you are suggesting with her own kids when they were small,, but what she taught me is that you don't use another instrument other than your own hand. The reason being that even a slipper with a rubber sole can create harm.

The idea of discipline is never to punish. Instead, it's to remind the child that there are consequences to bad behavior. I prefer to talk with my kids and explain what was wrong and to work with them to correct wrong behavior.

Answer 9

Dr. James Dobson (focus on the family) believes spankings can be utilized as well. You must make sure that the spanking is out of love, not anger.

Answer 10

I think that's sick in any context. Hitting your child then hugging and comforting him won't do any good.

I think that a better solution is to deny privileges. It will probably affect your child more than being hit with a slipper, and won't cause shame or embarrassment like spanking does.

If you were my neighbor, and I knew you were doing this, I'd call the cops in a second.

ADDITION: I was never spanked. Not once. And I am a normal, well-behaved citizen. My parents raised me without religion, but with strong morals and a strong sense of right and wrong. I got good grades in school, have more than one degree, and have never been arrested.

Answer 11

Sometimes kids need to be spanked. When they are young, talking to and reasoning with them doesn't always work. Bad behavior has to be "corrected" and it can be done with a spanking. This doesn't mean beating the tar out of your child, but simply getting their attention and saying, "No!" very firmly if they do something wrong. After a while they will learn the meaning of why you are doing it and will stop the behavior.

You will never get a child to willingly take a spanking. And it shouldn't be a prolonged thing. One or two quick swats with the flat of your hand is all they need. No objects or belts or anything like that.