Moved out at 15 - now what do I do?

Question

Hi, I'm like 15, but I will be 16 soon (this summer). I felt like I was going to burst, I was suffocating at home. Some times I want to run back home to my parents & other times I get so angry thinking about them that I make my mind up all over again not to. My mom and dad say they love me, but I often don't beleive them when they say it. I have had a lot of blow outs with my parents (they keeping telling me what I'm to do and not to do- I'm so tired it) . * If * I move back home, not sure, how would I go about it, I'm just so angry with them and like... I guess I'm hurting inside. Should I bide my time until I'm 16 and then stay moved out? I don't want to move back in and then feel like I'm going to burst all over again, so how do I deal with my parents so *maybe* we can be a family again? Frankly, I don't think I could move back, I'm just so... ur... umm... upset with them. Please feel free to e-mail me [e-mail]

I haven't quit school, not yet, but I'm struggling with my schooling. I'm staying at a friends house. No, I'm not pregnant, my parents haven't let me even have a boy friend never anything else (it's stuff like that, that really upset me). I don't think home was a harmful enviroment, not really in all honesty, I kept thinking it was because I would have it out with them, maybe the occational smack if I was really getting out of hand (but this is extrememly rare, can only think of 1 or 2 times). Basically, I don't want to move back in and then spend the next 2 years, until I'm 18, having it out with my parents endlessly day in and day out. I want to be able to do what I want to do and I do not want them telling me what I can and I can't do. I'm old enough to come and go when I please and wear what I want and do what I want- what is it with them any ways... you would think they are trying to ruin my life or something.

My parents want me to go see a family counsiler with them (ya right- not), but I think it's just a trick and they are trying to get yet another person on their side to have me following of their restructions. I'm sure seeing a family cousilor is the right thing to do so we can maybe work this all out, but I'm too upset with them.

Answer 1

Hi Madeline,

15 years old is too young to live away from home. Are you seeing a therapist or is your family attending a family therapist?

Therapy or a school counselor would be the first place for you to seek support. There are programs available for runaway teens to seek counseling that also educate the parents to establish boundaries with their troubled teen and rules for the teen to follow.

If you are being physically, sexually or emotionally abused that would be cause to move out of your parents' home. However, if that is not the case and its just a case of rebellion, I think you are too young to be living on your own and should move back home and try to re-establish some type of healthy communication with your parents as they are your financial and emotional support system until you graduate from college and start to carve your own path.

If you suffer from depression or eating disorder there are medications, programs and treatment centers available through your parents' healthcare which you should be covered under.

Moving back home and seeking individual and/or family counseling and some medication should be your goals for the next year. Take each day as it comes and try to live in the present rather than stagnant in the past.

If you have a good friend you trust, confide in that friend for emotional support for whatever issue you are dealing with as the more support you have the more successful you will be.

While you need to be true to yourself, you also need to see your parents' point of view and where they are coming from, even if you completely disagree with them. An important lesson in life that will help you is to see everything as an opportunity to learn something about yourself or about life. Take the proactive versus reactive approach and you will have more control over your perceptions of the world. A reactive stance will only force you to be in a constant state of stumbling backwards, stuck in a negative emotional state that clouds your perceptions, judgement and decision making abilities.

It helps to pray too, whatever your religious background.

Talk to a counselor. Talk to your parents. Move back home and work together with them to establish a routine and healthy boundaries and communication that will benefit everyone.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Hey mate.

I have been through the same situation. I ran away from home at 15 because of complications with my parents and their divorce, break-down etc. I had a lot of fights with them and felt like they didn't love me too, I am just as head strong as you are.

Although I learnt a good lesson from my actions however bad they were. I learnt when I moved back with my mother that I took a lot of things for granted and realised that I actually wanted their guidance, I wish I didn't have to go through all the horrible things I did to know what I know now.

I didn't like being told what to do either and rebelled just like you are. At your age it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo important to be with your family. If the restrictions really bother you, you need to have a good, hard talk with your parents. Sit down with them and explain the whole situation, let them know that you are growing up and with this you need more space, show them that you are as mature as you know you are not just when having this conversation but by looking after your self at home and in other areas aswell.

Try to come to a resolution when you have this conversation and perhaps ask that your parents take a different appraoch when telling you or asking you to do something.

Don't get angry with them because they will not take you seriously. Have a train of thought that you are just as much an adult as they are and that they should respect that you are growing up into a fine woman.

If you need anymore advice, you can e-mail me on [e-mail]

Good luck and stay positive!

Answer 3

You need to talk to your school counselor or a good church pastor. It sounds like you are being very immature. If you run away from home and quit school at 16, your life is going to be non stop crap. You think things are bad now, just wait until you're 28, have four kids, living on welfare because you have no diploma or college to get a decent paying job. You didn't say what your fights at home are about, but I have a suspicion it's because you are staying out late drinking or whatever. If so, you better wise up. If my kids were acting immature or irresponsibly, I would try to get them back on track too. Allowing an immature kid to damage themselves is not "love." Trying to put them on the right path is.


Kent in SD

Answer 4

It's normal to be angry with your parents. I think It's part of growing up, testing authority (if you want to call it that). It sounds to me like you have a problem (and deeper one, fuguritively and literally speaking) that you are not mentioning. I'm sorry for your troubles, but if you don't mind me asking. How are you checking your emails and actually getting on answers? You're only 15 and I'm pretty sure you can't really get an apartment or a room quite yet without your parents knowing. Oh wells, maybe your situation is very different from what I'm used to. I wish you luck.

Answer 5

You are uphauling. As a parent, I would be so devasted and depressed over you. You are too young to realize what all is involved in parenting. You're parents only want the best for you. They have rules and guidelines to raise you to be a good and upstanding member of society and all you do is cause them grief. You need to move back in with your parents and respect them and their household. They work and provide you with everything you need to survive and all you do is hurt them by your actions. You are not an adult, by age or maturity. You need your parents to tell you what to do and what not to do until you are mature enough to make your own decision, which you are clearly not. Move back in with your parents and go to counseling. Do whatever it takes for you to realize that they love you and want nothing but the best for you. Quit being a stubborn pain in the butt. Most children would be grateful to have your parents.

Answer 6

As a parent who did her best and my daughter cant seem to understand that.. whatever you do... please dont quit school. my daughter did and there is a big world out there , GED is ok... but not like the whole experience of accomplishment of graduating. Give your parents a chance , I'm sure they are confused and willing to fix things. A Parents love is unconditional.. maybe you cant move back now.. that is understandable. but remember we, as Parents have to have rules and boundaries just like anything else in life, whether it be our job, religion, etc... take it slow and try a little at a time.

Answer 7

You won't even go to counselling with them? Why are you so afraid to work on the relationship? Don't be so quick to dissolve the relationship you have with your parents. This will be something you will regret later in life.
15 is a very tender age to be making life decisions. Go home and get some counselling with your parents. They care enough to want to do that and so should you.

Answer 8

Every teenager has this fantasy of what like will be like when they finally move out then reality sets in. My daughter is 16 and from age 13-15 she thought my sole purpose in life was to ruin hers. lol Now she see's everything I do and the rules I impose on her are just to protect her. I'm 35 and she is 16. I know alot more of what is out in the world than she does. She is older now and sees alot more than she did before. I had her when I was 19. So now I work in a slaughter house to support her and her brother. Trust me your mom just wants to protect you and have a good life. That's all I want for my daughter.

Answer 9

You need to move back home and ,GROW UP, every kid has problems with their parents and think their parents rules are stupid. Your parents set rules because they care about you and want you to be safe if they didin't they'd just let you run wild in the streets and do as you please. Every one thinks that their parents rules are stupid, even my 11 year old does that mean she should just up and move out of the house. GO home, finish school, and go to see this counseler they will listen to your side and not just side with your parents they will come up with a way that you and your parents can live together better. Please go home.

Answer 10

I think 15 is too young to move out, but if it was a harmful environment then I guess you had no option. Where are you staying?

You need to learn to control your anger and start thinking like an adult now that you're on your own. Learn some life skills.

First step: Forgive your parents, they did the best they could.
Second step: Get yourself into a safe and loving place and keep going to school.
Third step: Figure out your future, and go for it.