How do I stop going to church and embrace my beliefs without breaking my parent's hearts?

Question

I was born and raised in a Christian family and I even attended seminary, briefly. However, recently I have come to doubt most of my Christian beliefs. Being that I am stuck living in their house for an entire summer, how do I let them know why I'm not going to church and reading skeptical books, because they're bound to ask questions eventually and hiding this literature is only a temporary solution, without breaking their hearts? My dad is a conservative Christian, but I'm especially worried about my Mom.

Answer 1

I'm going through a little bit of the same thing. My parents are both Catholic and they sent me to a Catholic high school. That year, I started questioning the faith and I found that it didn't suit me. Junior year, I found a faith that did suit me,and I haven't told the parents. I've been doing a little online research and reading fictional literature by, my opinion, the best Jewish fiction author, and they don't suspect a thing that I'm aware of.
I'm graduating in a week and a day and I plan to keep carrying this out subtly until I'm on my own, which could be, the soonest, two years. I know I won't be able to approach them now because even though I'm 18, I'm still "a child" and, the mother especially, wouldn't understand that I believe you have to find a religion/faith that suits your personal needs and not the scare-hoax that only [fill-in-blank] religion is the right one and everyone else is going to hell.
Summing up this unusually long post, the advice I'm giving to myself is to come forward when there is enough information, a bigger confirmation to be able to be on my own and worship how I feel. And so that's my advice to you and, unfortunately, I can't give a guarantee. But since you mentioned you're still living with your parents, I would personally wait until I got out of the house and became dependent on my own.
But either way, I wish you the best of luck and hope everything turns out well for you!

Answer 2

You need to realize the truth about your situation. I do not know how old you are, but if you have gone to seminary, I am assuming you are at least a young adult or close to that age. The reality of the situation is that you will hurt your parents by telling them this. There is very little way around it, but the longer that you wait, the longer it is going to fester with you, and the longer you will be going to church under a false pretense. They will be hurt more the longer you are lying to them. Be an adult about the situation, and tell them the truth as soon as you can. However, realize this, you cannot do this in a way that isn't going to bother your parents in the least. Be honest, and be ready for questions. Be prepared to answer the questions of what do you believe or what do you NOT believe. Be ready to admit when you aren't sure about something and are just questioning or if you truly are sure about something. They will want to know why also. There is a chance they won't ask, but it is better to be prepared for the question of why before you get to the conversation. I would come up with a reason why. Be truthful. If someone can have a reason to BE a Christian, you should be able to supply a reason NOT to be one. I'm sorry that you will be going through a rough time with this, but you are an adult, and you need to understand that if you do not think your choice is wrong--be prepared to defend it at all costs.

Answer 3

The best thing you can do is be honest with them, because why fake something u don't like if u love them u will b honest with them because ur only hurting urself. In the long u will happy that u told them from know n not wait till it's 2 late cause G-d knows ur heart anyway even if u stray @ the end u always make ur way back to G-d because thats was instill in u b4 u was born, seek Jesus 4 more understanding n pray about it then listen for ur answer in a still voice. Only u can make this dession we can only give u advice about your problem but u have the last say so in what u do be bless.

Answer 4

Hey, I know how you are feeling. Coming to terms with your change in religious point of view can always upset those in a belief system. The main thing is to be upfront and honest with your parents. You are old enough to make your own decision on what to believe not them, they can't decide things for you and feed you what is right to them. I think it would be wise by first stating your poisiton currently, ask them about your doubts and see what they say, but tell them that it must be an open minded discussion and not one where they will be judging you for thinking your thoughts.

Answer 5

I grew up in a Christian home too. I remember when I told my mom that I did not want to go to church. I got the third degree. But I had to be me. I stood my ground for years. I had to disconnect with my mom because she always wants to shove her beliefs down my throat. My mom doesn't even like the man I am with because he is not of one certain religion and he is controversal.

Our parents raise us the way they want us to be. But when we get older we grow into whoever it is we want ourselves to be. I don't believe in any one religion. I lwas created to love everyone no matter what culture or religion they come from. The man that I am with teaches about God, truth, love, the meanings of life and everyday living. It is non-denominational if you would like to listen to him on the internet sometime.

Answer 6

Oh man, I hope you get a good answer. I've been hiding my Wicca books and Tarot cards for years and I'm getting really edgy about the whole thing every time my parents visit. I'm 98% certain that it would kill my mom.

EDIT: I like Saku's answer for sheer oomph and effectiveness in a fight... but I still think you should be prepared for a swarm of tears from your mom. At least, that's how mine would react. Be careful, though, that you don't go to either extreme of either (1) being aggressive to them because you're angry or (2) capitulating and believing whatever they want you to because you feel guilty.

Answer 7

Im in the same position bro. I have recently converted to atheism from Christianity and my parents don't know. The problem is that my mom is a devout Christian and shes that kinda person that would really get hurt if i told her. Idk what the hell to do............

so i haven't told anyone....yet. perhaps the time will come. i still go to church. i don't care. im leavin this house anyways real soon. i can't tell if she'd be sad, or angry or if she'd argue with me 24/7 or if she'd doubt her own faith...i really don't know what would happen.

Answer 8

At some point, you will have to act like an adult and stick up for your own beliefs. Your parents may not like them, but it is the essence of responsible parenting to teach the kids how to evaluate evidence, and then kick them out of the nest to do so.

Answer 9

The devil is out to rob ,kill steal,and destroy,and he is great on working on weakness,stand your ground on your christian beliefs,Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God,unbelief is the opposite of faith,pray and ask God for help in your unbelief for you cannot come to God except thru Jesus,he will never leave you or forsake you,dont forsake him by being decieved into another belief ,God said do not forsake the assembly of yourselves,and by not going to church its affecting your faith,God would never tell you to stop going to church,you are like a fish out of water,we need each other to grow we can not do this by ourselves,My advice to you is go back to church,strengthen yourself in the word study to show yourself approved,you are body,soul and spirit,your body is fed on nourishment,exercise,your soul is fed on love and your spirit man is fed on the word of God for man cannot live by bread alone but by the every word of God,ask God to strenghthen your faith,see repentance gives us a fresh start everytime thats the privledge of the blood,this is the only thing that will help your unbelief,do not fall away from the faith,there is nothing else if we dont have Jesus I will Pray for you be blessed and stay strong Lisa

Answer 10

If you are over the age of 18 you are no longer obligated to do what you're "told" to do. That is, you don't have to go to church with your parents if you don't want to, simple as that. You are also free to not explain yourself to them at all actually.

When we grow into adulthood, we need to let go of our fear of parental rejection and trust that our beliefs are right for us. We have to let our parents learn how to accept us for who and what we are on their own. We cannot fight that battle for them. We have to, instead, fight our own battles of finding ourselves. You don't have to discuss your changing understanding of religion/spirituality/whatever to different beliefs or even non-belief, or tell them what you actually believe if you think it may cause rifts, but you don't have to do what is uncomfortable for you anymore either. Good luck to you, from one who had to go through the same thing 20 years ago. Parents cannot stay mad "forever". ;)