What helped you get through losing a loved one?

Question

My father has terminal cancer- we know he'll be passing soon. (He literally hasn't eaten anything in over a month- I don't know what's kept him hanging on this long.) I'm grown with a family of my own, but I still feel like a child when I think about losing my father. We've always been really close. I'm trying to hold it together for my daughter, but I'm really scared. How do you get through this? I think about having to go through his funeral service- and especially worry about how it's going to feel leaving the cemetery. These are things I never thought I'd worry about. I know people get back to their normal lives after losing someone, but sometimes I wonder how I'm going to do it.

My fear is not of where he's going- we're all Christians, I was raised in a Christian home. My fear is that I can't imagine going through my life without him.

Answer 1

What helped me is knowing that they wasn't suffering anymore.It's always hard to lose a loved one, when my grandmother died we all wore cream/off white outfits instead of the traditional black.We wanted to celebrate her life and we called it a home going celebration because she was going to a better place. I've since lost my father as well. The human spirit is a beautiful thing...your father may be holding on because he's worried about how you or other family members will hold up or he simply might not be ready to go. Whatever the case may be, try to make peace with it. There is no set correct way to deal with grief/death...everyone reacts differently. It's okay to grieve,it's okay to be angry.It's a process but it really does get better as time goes by. Cherish the moments that you've spent together and consider it a blessing to have had that time with him and keep him and those memories alive in your heart. He'll always be with you, try to remember that...Rely on FAITH& The POWER OF PRAYER.

I hope this was helpful,Take Care!!! :)

Answer 2

PLEASE ... at this point in time .. get the reference or referral from the Hospice or Hospital that is caring for your father at this time .. and yes, TAKE ADVANTAGE of the Support Groups that are out there for you ... your family, your mother, or other significant family members/others ...

AND .. when needed .. yes, DO ask for a referral to a support group as well.

Right now .. CHERISH the time that you still have with your father ... and if he is able to communicate with you and/or family members over the past few months -- WRITE those things down. His memories, his thoughts, the words you all shared ... they will bring PLENTY of comfort and solace to you over the next few years.

You know that you will NEVER (ever) FORGET the loss of a loved one .. and that is true no matter whether the death was sudden (and my parents passed in a car accident when I was a very young adult on Active Duty with the US Armed Forces), or whether you know that he has cancer and the disease progression has allowed you to share additional time with him ....

TAKE YOUR TIME ... remember, some folks go through the stages of grief/loss rapidly .. while others take much longer.

YOU will have your memories .. and write them down as well. SHARE those memories with your children ... as they grow into young adults and are able to process what you are saying more appropriately. Intertwine this with your own knowledge -- about the same times you shared with your father while you were your children's age ... that will sure get them to LAUGH a bit too.

AND ... don't forget .. the children will also need the time to go through the GRIEF process as well ... and the length or help that they will need to deal with the loss of a beloved grandfather IS going to be different than yours! So .. yes, they may also need support groups as well ... for youth their age.

Answer 3

It'll be seven years September 10th since I lost my mother. She was my best friend. I'm a grown adult, but my mother was way too young. She was only 46. She was in the labor room with all of her 16 grandchildren and held them before me and my sisters ever got a chance to. I don't care what anybody says...if you are close to your parents, it's not something you get over or get through. You may think so now, but when it happens, you won't want to and you'll understand. You keep those memories close to your heart honey. You think of him often and you pass the stories on to your children so that grandpa will always live on for them. When my mother passed after nine months in a coma (bad car accident), the memory of her last breath stayed with me for a very long time. I walked around in a daze because I could not get that image out of my head. Then my husband did something un-imagineable. He brought out all the old videos of my mother and the photo albums and made me go through them. I never cried and laughed so hard in my life. It erased the horrible image of my mother so sick those nine months and reminded me of the beautiful soul she was. You are going to need something like that with your father. You don't want to remember him ill, you want to honor him for the life he led before the illness.

As far as the fear? Honey, please don't be scared. I'm not sure if you are religous or not, but he's going on to a better place where there is no pain, no fear for him, etc. And I know you want him here, but if this is how he's going to be for the rest of his life, in your heart, you know that it's okay for him to go. In regards to the cemetary....you'll be okay. Your time to say goodbye is now while he's here hon. By the time you reach the cemetary, his soul has already gone onto a better place. It's just his body...not him. And if you believe it, he will always be with you. Just pay attention to the signs.

Answer 4

When my Father was suffering from MS and was in his last days,
We actually had a conversation about the soul and how he needed to go trade in this body for a new shiny one;)
I know it sounds so simple, but if your belief system allows it, think of it as his body passing away and that you will meet again.

God knows, it's never "easy" to grieve the loss of a loved one in "your" life, but remember that "life" does go on and he will still be with you in spirit.

I still miss him, but I find I'm grateful for having loved him. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.

Answer 5

My husband died of bladder cancer six years ago. It is hard, very hard. God helped me tremendously. It does get easier as each day passes. Make sure you tell him you love him, and try to be close by, if not right beside him when he passes. It may sound morbid, but it isn't. People do not like to die alone.

Answer 6

i lost my dad in september it hurts for a while its like you are in a daze but you have to grieve and then you will start to feel better pray about it and peaceful feeling will start coming in in time you will feel strong again i really miss my dad but trust in the lord you will see him again your father would want you to carry on live take care of your family smile again in time it gets better i am living proof god bless you be strong and yes the funeral is hard but lean on your family and friends that day they will help you get through it again god blessyou be strong

Answer 7

I lost my son he was 28yrs and the third of seven ,you have to think of your father and how much he is suffering ,maybe he is holding on for you all ,think of all the pain he is in and how his body will welcome death ,as for how you will get through faith ,tears and one day at a time