Im 17, and part of me wants to have a kid..now what?

Question

im 17, he just turned 20, we've been goin out since he was 19, my parents are totally cool with the age thing. i havent said anything to him about having a kid, but part of me wants a kid, but is afraid cuz im gunna be a senior in high school next year, and than am plannin on becoming a wedding planner..

Answer 1

Please wait...I'm sorry, I know I dont know you but your 17 and you have sooo much time! I had my baby at 22 and I was not ready at all despite being married and happy.....it puts major strain on not only your life but your relationship......you have to really be ready......dont get me wrong, it is an absolutely amazing experience to have a child, but it is very overwhelming and requires a lot of time and even more money......more so than you could ever imagine....

Answer 2

You are still a child your self. Grow up first, then wait until you are married. You have no clue how much a baby will change your life. Your time and your life will not be your own any more once you have a baby. Babies are a 24/7 job. When the baby first comes home from the hospital you are up every 2 or three hours around the clock feeding them and this goes on for months. Changing diapers, dealing with diaper rash, dealing with fevers and coughs, crying and no telling what else. That is if you get a healthy baby, there are no garantees about that. If the baby needs special care or medicine you need to have health insurance that will help you pay for it all. The baby comes first and all your stuff is put on hold. You can't just go off and do what you want anymore because you have to stay home and take care of the baby. You don't know what you are trying to get your self into. If you want to go on to become a wedding planner you will find it quite hard to be a mother and do that too.

Answer 3

First I wanted to remind you that you are still in high school. It may not seem like a big deal now, but if you ask anyone who had a child during high school they most likely wish that they had waited. That being said, you might feel as though you want a baby now but can you imagine how much more work it will be to go to school and raise a child? You are still young and knowing from experience of getting pregnant the summer I graduated, I wish I had waited. Not that I would trade my daughter for anything now but it really change my whole life, I waited longer to go to college, and im still not finished...so I still have no career. Not that being a mom is hard it is just easier when you have everything all planned out. You also mentioned that you havent talked to your boyfriend, maybe you should, if he isnt ready dont push it, you might lose him, or scare him. You have to make sure you have support, going through a pregnancy and a delivery will be very hard without it. I dont mean to sound rude or judgemental but high school is truly the best time of your life, make the most of it..wait until you become a wedding planner before you plan on having kids, it will be well worth it in the long run! I hope you make the right choice.
God bless you!

Answer 4

Sounds like you've already got plans for the future. Having a child will have to be your number one priority....no longer yourself. Even though there is the urge for a child(ren) you should totally fixate your mind on your career and get training for what you want to do and maybe an internship or be an apprentice. You won't make much money at first with no experience and that should be ok because you have no one to support YET. Learn who you are...and build your relationship with your boyfriend. You can maybe be the best aunt you can be or involve yourself in a "Big Sister" program. Been there...done that...I had a child young and was ecstatic and though I LOVE him I was restricted in what I could do. Although college was a priority at first...it was no longer an option....let alone anything else. You are still unmarried and haven't made that huge commitment...why get yourself into one of the most significant of all commitments. I'm sure you and your boyfriend love each other but things can change once a little one arrives. If you love each other that much you should love each other to hold off and get yourselves on the right track. If not the child can suffer soon..or years later 'cause one of you is wanting the other to put more time in the child so you can get your own things done. In my situation I got married...because I wanted to not because I was forced. I look back and thank the Lord that he got me through but looking back I wish I would've waited at least a few years. I'll I'm saying is give yourself some time to build independence and time to think and enjoy who you are. If something happened to your boyfriend you need to be able to take care of yourself and this child!

Answer 5

Wanting a baby at your age is something that many girls go through, especially when there is an older boyfriend involved. Several girls close to me have had babies at 17. My cousin was one of them and her "baby" will be 20 in July. She did graduate high school, marry the baby's father and have 2 more kids. Now she is a divorced single mom, working as a house cleaner because she was never able to continue her education in cosmetology. She has no insurance, always drives a beater car, and has spent all her life trying to feed, house, and clothe her kids. I have 2 nephews and 1 niece who have had babies young plus several cousins. Every one of them is no longer with the person they had their baby with, all struggle financially (having a baby is VERY expensive), and none are following their dreams but simply doing what has to be done for their kids. Having a baby changes your life forever. The part of you that wants a baby does so because it seems glamorous and romantic. Realistically, a baby is best brought into a relationship when both parents are mature and stable. Getting married first and having a baby later seems to be less and less popular these days, but there is a lot to be said for doing it that way. Your parents may be "totally cool with the age thing", but I think they will be less than enthused about becoming grandparents! I suggest you graduate high school, do some living, find yourself, follow some dreams, THAN become a wife than a mom.

Answer 6

While having a child is an amazing thing, you want to have one w/o regretting your decision. Being a parent is tough. I was nineteen when I had my first and although I have loved her since day one, I have sometimes wondered if there were more things I could have done, travel, college, save for a house or start a business. Those options are not as easy to attain when you are living life with a kid in tow. Even with a boyfriend there is no guarentee he will help or even stay, then where would you be, probably having your parents babysit and that is not fair. I had two more kids at 25 and had more patience and really was able to spend more time with them (with my first I had to work full time). My advice to you is to slow down and enjoy your life, finish school, start your wedding planning business. There is plenty of time to settle down and have kids. Being a mom is a full time job and should not be spent stressed out about finances and what ifs. I love being a mom and being here for all my kids.

Answer 7

I'm not going to preach about abstinence or even waiting until you're married to have a kid- I figure it's not my place. However, you asked a question about wanting a child. Let me answer it to the best of my ability-

DON'T DO IT!

Listen, I was just like you. I wanted a baby so badly (I've worked with them for so long, I just knew that I'd be the best at everything that went along with having one of my own...). Let me tell you...that was then, this is now. I'm now 23, I've been married for 3 years, and I have a 4 month old. I love her to death, but she is HARD WORK... and that's between myself, my extensive experience, AND my husband. And let me tell you, if you haven't brought this up to your boyfriend yet, DON'T. That would be the end of the relationship lickety-split.

As for your career as a wedding planner... no way. It's hard enough having a job and introducing a little one into your life...let alone having a little one, trying to continue education, AND finding a job.

But let's get to the most serious part of your question-
You say "part of me wants a kid". When you're ready to be a mom, it's not "part" of you that wants a kid... all of you does.

I think you already know the answer to your question- you're just looking for confirmation. I'm confirming it; don't waste the best years of your life. You're still young. Party hard. You've got about 20 more years to decide when the right time to have a kid is. Wait.

Answer 8

You are just going through the maternal instinct. This is why it is helpful if people live in extended families. When this happens there are always some small children or babies to relieve those desires. Babysit, work at a nursery part time- this is why new couples get puppies.
Wait to have children until you are educated, married, and have the resources ( experiences, support systems, money) to raise a child. Becoming a parent is for the rest of your life. This connects you to the other person for the rest of your life as well.

Answer 9

Sweetie i am 21 and i had my son at 19 and i was a senior in high school. i did want a baby at that time but it just happen like that my life has tot tally ch age so much with a baby u want be able to do the things u want and u have to take the baby with u every where u go and Ur friends now that say they will be there for u want so the best thing for u to do is just wait until u are really ready and that is what u really want

Answer 10

When I was 15 I was jealous because I wanted a baby and my friend was pregnant. I am glad I did not act on my feelings. I was unaware of how my tastes change as I got older. I am now 28 and looking back I feel for my friend. I was able to go to uni (college) and travel, party and live on my own. I was able to set my own life goals. My friend unfortunately has always struggled to find money to feed her child (who is now 13) her boyfriend left her when the baby was 1 and she has not found a man who she has settled with. She has never gone to uni, travelled or done anything other than care for her child. She regrets her decision and is always struggling.

If I was you I would wait until after school and get some life experience that you can pass on to your children. Also you have not been with your boyfriend that long, there be things about his character that have not appeared yet. Just be careful.

Answer 11

Wow part of me wanted a kid at 16, but now at 19 i have a 7 month old and 23 wks prego. Glad i waited.

Wait till your out of high school and at least know for sure if he wants this and also for you two to have enough stability on money and a place to live.

Just wait it out ok. It will pass for a bit, but a education and a stable place to live is what you need first before you get pregnant OH and a guy who will stick around and help