Should I ask for a conference with this teacher or let it go?

Question

Some background...my daughter is an 8th grader and has always been a straight A student. She takes accellerated English classes and also takes Geometry with high school sophomores. She's involved in extra curricular activities and until now she has NEVER had a teacher that didn't like her.

This year she has gotten an A- for both semesters in one class. It's an 8th grade class and will not affect her high school GPA next year. Our school has an online gradebook that I can see all my daughter's scores for the whole year. The ONLY thing she scores low in for the class is "participation". ALL other grades are high A's. She doesn't understand why she is getting a low participation grade because she always does what she is supposed to do, but she thinks that the teacher doesn't like her because she isn't "girly" enough (hasn't started wearing make-up, wears jeans & t-shirts, etc.). An A- isn't a big deal to me, but she is upset because she works so hard.

This teacher has actually made comments to her about the clothes she wears, mainly because she will occasionally wear a politically related shirt (school approriate) and her views are very different from this teacher's. My daughter is outspoken and when the teacher has made comments she has stood up for her beliefs. She DID ask after the first semester how she could improve her "participation" grade and her teacher told her that the grade was "at her discretion" and could not give her any specific advice on how to improve it. I should also mention that this is a creative writing class and their class periods are spent typing on a computer, not listening to lectures and asking/answering questions.

This is definitely not a case of racism or sexual harrassment. The teacher is the same race and gender as my daughter.

My daughter has very specific college and career goals that are going to require a near perfect GPA, so her grades are extremely important to her. If this grade would affect her high school GPA then I would definitely be more worried about it myself, but since it doesn't, I'm trying to decide if it's worth bothering with, especially since my daughter won't even be in the middle school for any classes next fall.

Answer 1

If it is affecting your daughter then yes I would. It will show your daughter that you believe in her and will give her closure on something that is bothering her. At the very least call the teacher and talk to them. Don't let your daughter's confidence get hurt because of this. She sounds like a young lady with the future in mind, doing her very best to achieve the most, don't let her feel like this doesn't matter to you if it does matter to her.

Answer 2

No.
She tells you she is always participating, doesn't mean she is. Who are you going to believe, an eigth grader, no matter how smart hard working and good she is, or a teacher w/ much more knowlege experience.Teachers are human, they're not going to like some people. Also, you complaining to the teacher isnt going to make her like your daughter more. If she doesn't understand, boo hoo, it will make her stronger. Thats the kind of thing everyone has to deal with. She also has to learn to solve her own problems, if the teacher doesnt like her and is treating her unfairly, she should have a conference w/ the teacher. SHE IS A BIG GIRL! how is she ever going to deal with problems if her mum is always carrying her through life. You should be telling her," An A- is still great, but if you are disapointed, you need to work harder." Think of it as a disabillity when a teacher doesnt like her. People with diasabillities are often very successful, and they work harder than most. They have no choice but to make do w/ the cards they are delt. My mum never carried me through life, she helped me but in the end i almost always solve my own problems and i think that that is the best thing she ever did for me. Do her a favor, tell her to deal w/ it, and to stop feeling sorry for herself. No matter how intelligent/hardworking you are, you wont get anywhere if youre always moping around blaming your problems on others(teacher)

she may also end up having narcississtic qualities if u keep agreeing w/ her wen she insits nothing is her fault


Read your additional details.
Wow that sucks, i agree, but just because its not fair doesnt mean u shud be fighting her battles. And maybe if she only wants you to figure this thing out for her, SHE SHOULD RETHINK her "career plan". If she cant do this herself, maybe she isnt the type of person for this job. You know how many people cant get in to a college because their grades are not good enough. I assure you taht many of these people are extremly hardworking. So tough luck. News Flash, not everyones gonna like you, if you want something work for it and never take no for an answer (meaning she should stop feeling sory for herself and make a greater effort, and above all LIFE ISNT FAIR. Never has been never will be. The sooner your daughter and YOURSELF learn this the better. You are doing a diservice to your child if you dont teach her these things.

Answer 3

This sounds to me like your daughter's insecurities about "girlyness", rather than what the teacher would care about. I can't imagine that the teacher cares about a students' make-up or clothing! What stands out for me is your comment that "she does what she is supposed to do", which to me as an instructor is what one gives a C, not an A, for. Participation is pretty specific. Have you spoken with your daughter about her class participation? If she is insecure, she may be one of those kids who sits quietly on the sidelines and tries to be invisible. The teacher may, by giving her an A-, be trying to encourage her to come out of her shell a little more.

In eighth grade, unless your daughter is very immature, I would start to encourage her to talk to the teacher herself (if she does so, and the teacher insults her, that is time for you to step in). You can coach her in saying, in a non-confrontational way, "I noticed that you gave me a low participation grade, and I was wondering how you might suggest that I improve my performance in that area." Then she should actually listen to the feedback she gets, rather than assuming that the teacher doesn't like her (I don't like some of my A students, even if their work is unassailable, but the fact that a student gets less than an A in my class does not mean that I don't like them. I'm still good friends decades later with students to whom I gave B's, C's, and even D's - and because of those poor grades, some of those students were motivated to change and have now finished graduate school.

Answer 4

Is it possible that she isn't raising her hand to answer questions, or participating in class discussions as much as she should be? I doubt that a teacher would withold points simply because she dresses casually and doesn't wear make-up. However, if the trends continue and she really is bothered by it, I'd send the teacher an e-mail. If that doesn't work, then I'd ask for a conference or a talk on the phone. Good luck!

Answer 5

Wel since your daughter is upset , and rightly so, I would go ahead and set up a meeting with the teacher and speak to her regarding this matter. Let the teacher explain to you specifically what your daughter isn't doing right so that she can correct this problem and get the grade that your daughter feels that she is entitled to and earned. Nothing bad can come by it so give it a try.

Answer 6

2 Things:

1) You are not always going to be able to fight your daughter's battle. Maybe she should be the one to discuss this issue with the teacher?

2) Why is she upset over a (-)? In the big scheme of things, life is bigger than grades. It sounds like she might be on an unhealthy path about her grades.

Answer 7

Welcome to life.

Those that do what they should are not always rewarded for it.
Let this be a lesson for her. Don't get involved, it won't help.
Participation is subjective. What she thinks is grade A, he may not.

BTW...you sound like you are just about to become the parent who cares too much about her "final grade" (the fact that you brought it up sort of proves that). Education is a process. If she is learning, and she is learning how to learn, and she is learning a love for learning, then she is fine. Final grade means nothing.

Answer 8

You need to tell the teacher whose boss. Tell her to give your daughter and A,or you'll report for sexual harrasment.

Answer 9

yes you should ask for a conference.this teacher is either racist or he is just mad beacause your daughter is smart