I have tried everything I know that I am the boss but I feel like I am threatening and they are always punished I am so disgusted I feel as though I am a horrible parent because of this. There fathers have nothing to do with either of them and to be honest I am quite embarrassed by there behavior!
They enbarrass the day light out of me. I try so hard! Please help!!
2007-05-26 11:04:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The first thing you need to do is establish who is the parent. Your kids are at the age where they should be able to reasonably make this distinction. Children are very smart and will manipulate and misbehave as long as they are allowed to do so.
1) Implement Structure and Establish a rountine. There should be set times for everything from chore completion to morning and evening routines.This is a must in order to gain control. Have you every seen the nanny realaty shows on TV. Believe it or not, implementing structure and a routine in your home will do wonders.
2) Reward positive behavior and ignore the negative. My guess is your kids get the most attention from you when they are misbehaving. Implement a token reward system. #1 and #2 could be used together on this one. Give your kids an incentative to follow the established routine.
3) Be firm, fair and consistant. There will be some resistance to the changes, but if you follow through with it...you and your kids will have a better time together. You are the parent and you are in control of your actions and how your children relate to you is based on how you handle things You don't have to threaten or intimadate them to get them to behave. This will become a learned behaviour, much like, misbehaving to get your attention.
4) Trust and believe in yourself. Raising children is not easy and beating yourself up for not being a "good" parent is not going to help you and is not going to benifit your kids. You have to find what works best for you and your kids and go with it.
5) Listen to your kids. They are trying to tell you something. From your question, I sense they may be missing a positive father figure as well.
If you would like email me and I can give you some ideas on how to do #1 and #2. I was a counselor in a residential treatment facilty for children. Most of these kids had behavioral problems and the structured environment worked for most. You can email me at raynebeau2000@yahoo.com . Good Luck!
2007-05-26 11:33:38 · answer #1 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Besides punishing them them take the things that means the most to them like their games, cell phones, sleepovers, anything that makes them have fun until they realize that you are not to be played with. I have a 12 year old and everyday she gets punished for fighting in school, talking back and hitting her sister and cousin. She will stay inside for the whole weekend and even when she come from school, and now since I punish her so much she has better control and she asks me what she can do or if she can come outside and play games. The more you punish they will learn. I did. And every once and a while put the belt to their butts.
2007-05-27 01:16:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is in their nature to rebel and test their boundaries. It is YOUR job to love them, keep them under reasonable control and to teach them how to live in our Society. You must be consistent so they know what will happen when they act up. The punishment must be severe enough to make them regret their actions while not being vindictive.
What are the most important things and activities that your kids value? Take away TV time, video games, toys, allowance, MP3 players, cell phones, outings with friends, team sports, favorite foods, favorite deserts, shopping privileges, etc.
Tell them that they will lose their luxuries until they obey you. Return items and privileges slowly as their behavior improves. Take away more privileges when they act up. They will be unhappy for a few days but will soon fall in line.
Reward them when they are unexpectedly good.
Good luck!
VERY IMPORTANT: Do not cave when they cry or throw a tantrum! It is only a test! You will LOSE if you cave!
2007-05-26 18:46:42 · answer #3 · answered by ssbn598 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be tough now so it wont get worse later. My daughter is 11 and her classmate got so bad he didn't go to school,swore all the time etc. The mom (who's a friend) was so scared of him that she let him do what he wanted.And it just gets worse. Fix it now, don't let them get away with anything, punish them, take privileges away,also try to get them interested in something productive like karate,an afterschool program. My daughter's father is not around and she (for the most part) is a good girl. You can do this, turn it around...email me if you want. I've seen how bad it can get and what giving in does...Kids want rules and discipline, structure and someone to teach them right from wrong! Perhaps they are seeking attention from you they just don't know how to go about it...
2007-05-26 18:17:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard. You see a show like "The Nanny" or something and it seems so easy to fix. I have a 21, 14, 6, & 4 year old. My 21 yr old son helps me alittle with the disipline, so being by yourself has to be very trying. I could only suggest looking into some kind of group or something that could show you how to make better disipline choice. Matter of fact..I see them offered in my area sometimes, I should probably go too!!
2007-05-26 18:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by briddy29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just face the fact that you've created the situation. Set your standards and stick with the consequences that you expect!! You've probably not had the "heart" to deny them what they want and waivered on your standards! At 11 and 7, they are young enough that YOU are their only RESOURCE and access to things that they want!! Write out your expectations and the rewards available IF they adhere to your expectations!! IF not, GROUND THEM!! You should be in total control of their transportation AND their allowances!! BE THE PARENT YOU NEED TO BE!! DON'T let them get you into an argument!!! REMEMBER: You are the PARENT!! Stop TRYING and DO!!!
2007-05-26 21:37:11 · answer #6 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've learned so much from the nanny shows too. I recommend getting their book from the library. What I noticed works best for my 11 yr old boy is taking privileges away. Kids have to earn them. Also, praise ANY effort they make. They need love and your time, if they cant get the positive attention from you, they WILL get the negative. My mom always told me what I did wrong and I was a spoiled brat. I met my dad when I was 13, he always told me what I did right and I listened to him, and not just cuz he was a man. He was just there to teach me and be there for me, and told me why it was to MY advantage to do the right things. My response showed me what works.
2007-05-26 18:34:53 · answer #7 · answered by karen s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put your foot down an be a parent! it is ok to punish a child if they misbehave as long as it's not abuse and doesn't get out of hand.
2007-05-26 18:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by Peachie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋