crazy! She's mean, angry and verbally abusive. It makes me want to never take her calls again and certainly not her visits. But she was abused too and neglected. If I never talk to her again, I'm afraid of how hurt she'll be and feel like no one loves her and always leaves her. I know how that feels and don't want her to feel that way. But at the same time, she's abusive too! How can I do the right thing but stop BEING abused?
2007-05-26 10:27:11 · 7 answers · asked by TopLessOne 1 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I'm 27 years old now. When I was 14, I was raped by my neighbor. It was very violent and after it was over, he held a knife to my throat and told me that if I ever told anyone what happened, he would sneak into my room and kill me. Not only did I deal with emotional pain, I suffered constant physical pain as well. It wasn't until almost a year later that I found out that he'd given me Chlamydia, which turned into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, which had scarred my uterus to the point where I would never be able to carry a child.
I dealt with alot of anger myself. Not only was I angry, I was cold, rude, insensitive, and demanding. I felt like the world owed me something and I was out to take a little of it back from everyone. My friends got tired of it pretty quickly, and none of my boyfriends were willing to put up with it for long, either. So when everyone left, it made me even angrier at the world.
It was also what made me realize that I couldn't keep acting this way forever. There was only person who was responsible for what happened to me. Just because I couldn't take out my frustrations on him didn't mean that I had to take them out on everyone else.
Pray long and hard, then talk to your mom. Tell her, "Mom, I love you and I'm sorry about what you had to go through, but I can not allow you to continue taking it out on me. If you want to get counseling or go to church or pray about what happened, I will be here for you, but I refuse to be your emotional punching bag any longer." Sometimes you have to hit bottom before you realize that even though someone else did something really terrible to you, YOU are the one who is ruining your life.
I wish you the best of luck and will be praying about your situation.
2007-05-26 10:31:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is a very tough question. My father was/is abusive and I have forgiven him and told him that. But in a letter....at the same time I told him that I was setting limits because our relationship was toxic to me. I set specific guidelines of what I would not tolerate....such as I would not allow him to curse at me, talk bad about my children or my upbringing of them, talk bad about my diseased mother, their marriage or the church. If he was not able to keep himself from doing those things I would not have contact with him further. I also told him that I loved him very much and always would but that I was very serious about these things. I was very kind in my letter but set the limits for my own mental health. If I had not....then I would have enabled him to continue hurting himself actually....and allowed him to make me unhealthy. This is really hard....and scary. Feel free to email me if I can help you.
2007-05-26 10:40:38 · answer #2 · answered by bethybug 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one should subject the body of Christ to abuse unless one is able to love the abuser. Someone who accepts abuse without being able to return love commits the sin of hatred. This hatred can be directed outward or inward. Either way, it is a sin against the 6th commandment, Thou shall not kill.
Jesus made this clear when he said, "You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, 'You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgement. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement..."
My advice to you is to separate yourself from your mother when she starts to anger you, then pray. Perhaps you can write to her instead of call her. Writing can separate a person from sinful thoughts and feelings about others. Also, it can allow a person to be careful about what and how things are expressed.
Remember Jesus says "pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father..." (I say this not to imply that you see your mother as your enemy but to reinforce that Jesus wants us to pray for everyone.)
I had much abuse from my mother from infancy. I am 50 now. She is 87 and dying. After many years of Christian worship and practices as well as much therapy, I can honestly say my mother and I have been friends for the past 20 years.
She has never changed. She is still very abusive as often as she can be. Don't count on your mother changing.
Good Luck
2007-05-26 11:02:21 · answer #3 · answered by Grace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not the only in that situation. I don't know everything about u but it's always good to have a relationship with your parents. If that seems like it is not an option, you should find a better relationship with you heavenly Father. He is the ONLY one that can fix your problems. Hang in there.
2007-05-26 10:32:24 · answer #4 · answered by NeshaNae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I have both been able to reconcile with our abusers That's one of the wonderful things about God's grace Through it, we were able to forgive these people
2007-05-26 11:57:10 · answer #5 · answered by †Lawrence R† 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
child of GOD..if you jump in the campfire..are you going not get crazy or worst?
IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF>.depart from evil doer.
they are possess..or brainwash..and don't know what they are doing..which is logical..but you allowing this abuse to bother you..again and again..what growth will you have..what full recovery will you have? barely any..beyond where you are now..protecting self..is vital..for your full recover..and having LIFE and have it TO THE FULL.
depart from your mother is wise..allow just a sliver of interaction..one a month? but only by phone..that is unlisted...so that you can contact..when YOUR ready to deal with sharp tongues..ect.
surrender mom..in prayer..do not talk about her much anymore..let the DEAD BURY THE DEAD...mom deliverance might come to pass..when YOU..stop placing self in harm's way..and allowing her..to continue to sin against you and against GOD.
if you LOVE MOM..tough love is..mom..practice self control..if not..i am going to have LIFE without you.
so..that means mom..i might not talk to you..till special holiday..my email..my mail ..happy mother day..birthday..ect..your duty is your responsiblity before GOD..and that is getting soundmindness..in your..through the washing of the words..and pray in faith..that GOD..will help you..as well help your mom..find herself.
right now..you found yourself and see what not right..and desire a better life..praise the LORD..now..let GOD take care of GOD..you take care of SELF..GOD is LOVE..apart from LOVE..is darkness..and satan is the god of darkness..
so what good is unite with darkenss in your mom?
till mom is HUMBLE..and desire to be delivered..self control..deliverance..ect..forgiveness..is the key of liberty of the past.and satan can't do a damn thing about it..when you bury the past hurts..forgive and forgot..20 years..40 years has gone..but..you want a life..so LIVE IT..if mom want to remain in the past..that is HER CHOICE..every day is a NEW DAY..yesterday is gone..we can't worry about..gripe about..or change it..so bury it..forgive it..forget it.and smell the roses..today..and seek love..peace..joy..in christ..so that when christ come in the cloud..your heart full of love..vs bitterness of the past.you heart being right..you';ll zoom up to him..vs full of bitterness..be left behind.
2007-05-26 10:44:06 · answer #6 · answered by blessedrobert 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not an easy situation that she is going through. Perhaps a Christian psychologist or psychiatrist may help your mom.
I will pray for you and your family.
GOD bless
2007-05-26 10:34:06 · answer #7 · answered by Exodus 20:1-17 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋