My 14 year old daughter wants to lose her virginity?

Question

My 14 year old, Nina, is very close to me. We act like best friends rather mother and daughter. Yesterday she asked me if she could have sex with her boyfriend, Michael. I said I'll think about it. Michael is a very nice boy. But, I am really scared. What should I do? Should I trust Michael? Should I wait til she's older? Should I talk to Michael's parents? Someone help me please!

Wow. You guys have really opened my eyes. I realize that I should be consierned. I'm not letting her have sex! I DO NOT want to be a grandma! She'll have to wait! Thanks again!

Answer 1

She is way to young for this. As a parent how can you even consider it?

Answer 2

OK honestly, before people freak out and give me about a million thumbs down; I'm speaking my mind and answering the question; just as all of you are.

You should aways treasure that your daughter trusts you that much, believe, would you rather hear that she wants to have sex? or have her come home one day and tell you she's already pregnant?? People are being so ridiculous, she's 14, she has opinions and they count, as its her life.
As a parent and someone who wants the best for her job it's not your job to force decisions on her, but instead to help guide her and talk things through so that she'll reach good decisions (and inevitably some bad ones too) on her own, and be able to deal with the not-so-good ones she's also bound to make. First talk to her, make sure she wants to for the right reasons, also consider what your think of Michael....if he's a nice, responsible person and they're really in love than it's their lives. Make sure that if nothing else you really be there for her, answer her questions and provide birth control/condoms if she doesn't want to get them somewhere else; if you try to force her into not doing something just because you disagree than she'll be likely to do it anyway and possibly not be as responsible.

Answer 3

Genital warts can be transmitted even when a condom is used. They are painful to remove, might never go away, and can cause infertility.

That is just one reason why she should be VERY careful when she chooses a sexual partner. Many other posters have issued other warnings. Emotional impact and damage, disease, pregnancy.

Discussing real life impacts of early sex is an excellent idea. Information that comes from trusted sources, like your doctor. You could make a consult appointment and let them know you want your doc to be ready to discuss consequences of sex. Find other sources of info as to what the costs are for adults having a baby, then ask her if she thinks she could come up with that kind of cash at 14-15 years of age.

Other posters have also mentioned that it's good that your daughter has come to you, hopefully before she has sex. I agree, but I also side with what other posters have mentioned, that your daughter needs you as a parent right now, more than anything else. Open minded, fair, and informative, but as a parent, not as a friend.

Answer 4

I hope when my daughters are that age (and I've got two, with one more due this July!), that we have as open a relationship, where they'd feel comfortable coming to me with a question like that. I know what my answer would be already, of course, even though my oldest is only five: NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!

When I was twelve, I remember my mother sitting me down and discussing sex with me. I knew all the facts, of course: the mechanics of the thing, how babies are made, most of the different STD's it was possible to contract (and the repercussions of them, such as HIV and AIDS; I actually had a cousin who had just died of AIDS at that time, contracted through a blood transfusion). I'd had sex ed since fifth grade, so I knew all of it.

But, my cousin had just had her first baby . . . at the age of thirteen. And my mother was worried. She knew that there was a possibility that either of her older children could become sexually active. So, she went out and bought a box of condoms. Then she made sure that my older brother and I carried one at all times. She told me, "I'm not giving you permission to start having sex. I don't want you to, not for a long time yet; you're not ready, physically or emotionally, for that kind of thing. BUT I can't be with you 24/7, and I know that, sometimes, you guys do things I've specifically told you not to, just to do it. I hope you'd have better sense. But, if anything DOES happen, I want you to be safe. So, keep this with you in your purse. If it comes down to it, make sure it gets used, whatever the situation." I thought a lot about it, and, even though a lot of my classmates were having sex (some had lost their virginity by the 6th grade!), I knew I wasn't ready. I was 19 before I decided that I was. I'm glad I waited as long as I did, and sometimes wish I'd waited even longer!

When my daughters are older, I'll have the same discussion with them. I'll also have been teaching them, along the way, the implications of sex (pregnancy, STDs, lowered self-esteem if you end up getting used . . . and teenage boys are good for that!) at an early age. I'll be 42 when my oldest daughter turns 21; that's still too young to become a grandmother! Ideally, I'd like my daughters to wait until they are AT LEAST 16 or 17 (preferably older!) before they become sexually active. While I may not be able to stop them, I can at least make sure they are educated to the fullest, and they know my feelings on the subject . . . and that, if I actually catch them with a boy before that, one or the other won't be in NEARLY the same physical condition they were before!

Be honest with your daughter. Tell her that, while you appreciate her honesty and her respect, you don't think this is a good decision for her to be making. Give her literature on the subject. Talk to her doctor. Then, make sure she's protected, just in case!

And don't even THINK of trusting any teenaged boys when it comes to your daughter's body!!!! Trust HER, but never him!

Answer 5

Sounds like you need to be a mother more than a best friend in this situation. Your child is way too young to have sex. Young teens don't understand the emotions and risks that come with having sex (STD's, Pregnancy). If I were you, I would sit down and have a very LONG talk with her about why she should wait until she is older. However, kids will be kids, I know because I remember what it was like to be 14 almost 10 yrs ago. Listen, if you think she is going to have sex anyway, talk to her about birth control and condoms.

Answer 6

You really act more like her friend than her mom. They're not adults and should not be expected to make adult decisions, you're supposed to be there for those. It's great that you two have open communication like that, but you need to start educating her on sex and all of the effects of it. She will do what she wants to do regardless - she'll find the time for it, but if you "give her permission" for something like that, you could be outlining her life to think that sex is the only thing she has to offer. Tell her she needs to cool it down a bit - they've obviously messed around enough to reach that brink, but are you ready to be a grandmother at your age? Or deal with her emotions if something happens and they break up? Well, this is all my opinion, think about when you were 14 - was that a good age to start having sex - and for what reason? They're way too young and her innocence needs to be treasured.

Answer 7

She is still a baby!! Are you ready to be a grandma? Because, your daughter could very well end up getting pregnant. I applaud you for having the type of relationship where she feels comfortable talking about sex with you. But remember, YOU ARE THE MOTHER, not the best friend. Your job is to look out for her best interest. Is this really what is best for her? Tell her that her virginity is precious...something she will never be able to have again. Help her to realize that she is worth more than a teenage fling.

Answer 8

Here is something that all the brains in blog, you may have forgot that the young lady may decide to have sex no-matter what her mother may say. I feel that the mother needs to sit down with the children and the parents of the boy to let the children know what could happen if they were to have sex. I am talking about from having a baby, STD's, and HIV.

Answer 9

I would say no way! It's great that you are friends but in this case, it's time to be the mom. I would say no! She isn't physically ready or emotionally mature enough to have sex yet. There are also STD's to worry about. Sexual intercourse is an adult decision made by adults. This should NOT be her decision, it should be yours. I hope for her over all health you will say no. I also commend you for being brave and asking what other adults would do. You must be questioning this for a good reason because you obviously have doubts. Trust your instincts! I know at 14 I was NOT ready in any way, even though I thought otherwise.

Answer 10

The heck with the possible Grandma.. do you think good old Michael(who you never said what age he was) has gone this route before a few times and might just be carrying some time of STDs or herpes, or worse?
Tell your daughter that sex is for people that marry and committ to one another for life.(and that is after they make sure the person is free of disease)... Then she won't have to worry about taking drugs to heal herself forever.

Answer 11

Your daughter needs to get her *** womped and so do you. She's way to young. How dare you say you'll think about it? You need to grow up and stop acting like a friend and start being a mom. Do you want her getting pregnant and having a baby at 15??? There's enough teen moms already. You talk to Michael's parents and I'm sure they would say grow the hell up.

Truth be told, she'll probably do it with or without your concent.