Help. I hate being a Parent!?

Question

OMG! I love my 2 year old to death, he's cute and cuddly, makes me laugh and gives the best hugs. BUT, I HATE BEING A PARENT!

I can't stand that I have to get up at the crack of dawn even on weekends. That I can't just go and do stuff that I want to do without having to arrange babysitting in advance. I haven't had a date with my husband in months. The list goes on. I'm spending so much of my time crying, I'm so frustrated.

I want desparately to get over this. I just don't know how. Does anybody have constructive advice to offer?

Answer 1

I think it's important for everyone to understand she doesn't hate being a mother, she hates being a parent. I definitely understand. I hated having to carry a diaper bag, stroller, I worked a minum of 50 hrs so i could keep my head above water, rode the bus, had to drop my baby off (1st child) at 4.45am so I can be at work at 5.30. I had to wake up at 3 am.-WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD! It's overwhelming at times, especially when you're a single parent (such as I was). I remember once I had so much gear to carry of my child's, I left my child on the car hood (in the carrier), i'm thinking I put the diaper bag on the hood! I'm talking to the diaper bag and then realized it wasn't my child! hahaha i can laugh now, but I thought I was the worse mother ever to grace the earth.

Faux pas happen. being overwhelmed, it happens. wanting something "better", it happens. Understand, being a mother is heavy duty. Just stop focusing on the negatives. Your child's goin to do that for you when he become a teenager! ;)
Seriously:
You mentioned you're married but you didn't say if your husband contributes or not. If he doesn't you and him must talk this out. You also didn't mention whether you work outside the home or not.

Why do you have to get up at the crack of dawn for a two-year old? work obligations, baby having nightmares? whatever the case I assure you that when you child becomes a teenager, you'll look back on this time with your child and see it's not as bad as it seems. Your child needs to have a babysitter, that's his right. It's not about what's fair to you so you and daddy can have a date-it's about you are so protective and caring that you'll stay home rather than leave baby with an unqualified caretaker. (and when he gets older, you'll still need someone to watch him while you're away. only an idiot would leave a teenager home alone while you and dad are away on a weekend trip.) That's love, and selfless. Your thoughts are selfish. Let go of how life was BEFORE baby (those days were gone two years ago), and . I've worked two, three jobs to support them. I've often wantedrealize he's here to stay. Look at the here and now.

Once you understand these are things as a parent " you have to do anyway, so why fight it" you'll feel better. Your attitude determines your altitude. If you don't have to work early on the weekends, put the baby to bed a little later Friday so you can sleep longer Saturday.

In a couple of years baby will be in school. And before you know it baby will graduate and move out on his own. Cherish these years--if you're crying now, I can't imagine what you're going to do when he becomes a 'tweener,' cuz you haven't seen NOTHING YET! And since this is how you feel, be careful so another child isn't brought into this situation. Children (even in utero) are sensitive and easily pick up on parents feelings. Make sure you hug your son and love him when you're feeling overwhelmed. Challenge your husband and ask him to make the arrangements for babysitting so you two can go out.

It's time to become proactive (do something ) instead of reactive (crying). Go online and look for support groups that get out and meet, so you're not confined indoors. If you can't find one then YOU create one. It's up to you to change your life. So change it, and stop complaining :)
Keep me posted.
God bless you precious,
Ez
p.s. I lost my friend to cancer at 12:15 am this MORNING. She was 37 yrs old, and left behind 3 children, a husband, mother and father, 2 brothers. She was her mother's oldest child and only daughter. Whose situation do you think is worse as of this moment?? Count your blessings.

Answer 2

I understand how you feel, I have been a mom for almost half my life, since I was 16. This will probably sound awful to some people, but you have to start a new attitude and get over it. If you are the only one getting up at the crack of dawn with your son and you are married, it is time that you pat your hunny in the morning and politely tell him it is his turn. Especially when you are a stay home mom is it easy to lose sight of why you had children in the first place. Husbands do not offer a lot of help, only because we do not ask. Pick a night around eight o'clock, and go lock youself in your room and watch something that is NOT kid apropriate. I like the Girls Next Door, or take a long hot bath. Your husband will give you the brake if you ask. It is up to you to have date night with your husband. You can even set something special after your son goes to bed. Men love being needed as much as we do, let him know.

I hope this was of some help to you.

Answer 3

I really feel for you. I'm feeling the same way myself. I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old, and they are soooo demanding. When one isn't fussing or crying the other is demanding something, and it's maddening. Both seta of grandparents are gone, so I don't have support in that area, and the family around us have their own kids/grandkids to deal with. My husband and I haven't been on a date since before the oldest was born, and we haven't even had any intimate time together since the baby was born.
And no, I'm not a youngster who got pregnant unexpectedly. I'm 38 and we planned both kids, knowing full well that parenting was difficult. I thought I'd be ready to give up career and stay home being a housewife, but I'm finding that I feel lost now.
I have dealt with some post-partum depression, and think some of that may still be the problem. Maybe you have some depression as well. Talk to your doctor or gyno; they've seen it all and can either refer you or give you something if that's the problem.
Get involved with a mothers group like MOPS or a women's Bible study. Being around others who are going through the same things helps. And take time for yourself. I'm taking a class one night a week to get my Masters degree; hubby isn't thrilled about it, but I need that to stay sane.

Answer 4

Have you considered hiring a mother's helper? It is someone who comes and either runs all your errands for you or watched your son so you can get out and have a stress free shopping experience. Or if you can't afford that, there are several other options. Try dropping him in one of those hourly play places and go take a nap, or a long bath or something relaxing. He gets to play, you get some piece of mind. Not sure if this is an option but I am a late sleeper so I got my daughter on the schedule of staying up a little later, now she sleeps until 9 am. Which may not seem too late, but it is alot better than 6 am!!!! Get a family memeber to watch him so you and your husband can have a date once and a while. And remember it is ok to cry, sometimes you just have to let it out!

TO All the people that had something negative or smart *** to say.......Every parent gets in this position in some point and time throughout raising your children....you may not always admit it, but there are just sometimes you wish you could go away for a day and not have to think about how much laundry needs to be done, what activity you have to take your kids to, and all the other motherly things that we worry about day to day.

Good luck and I hope you get some peace of mind soon!!

Answer 5

My sister went through this when she became a single mom when my niece was 9 months old. Imagine doing it all yourself! first of all, I would ask your husband for more help with caring for your son. Ask your husband if he could watch your son for two hours while you go get a pedicure or go shopping. Maybe just sitting in the park alone for an hour and having some quiet time! Sounds like you need some "alone" time out of the house. Seek support groups for new mom's on line. A lot of new mothers feel overwhelmed. A lot of this might be feelings of having to do everything by yourself. Ask for help whenever you can and from those you trust and love. If none of this helps, you may need to see a doctor about depression. And, just remember, this will be less and less difficult as your son grows older. It will not always be this way. And, get a babysitter so you and your husband can go out on a date! Good luck - sounds like you need a hug

Answer 6

Some/many people are not made/ready to be a parent. It sounds like you are one.It takes,I believe, that is a natural giving, nurturing personality to be one.
From the earliest time I can remember I wanted to be a parent. When I met my kids mom she had 2 kids a boy and a girl. After, we got married I adopted both. Then we had 4 girls, the last a set of twins.
There mother decided she didn't want to be a parent and left us when all were in grade school and the twins in kindergarden. I was a SINGLE parent for 9yrs.
There never was a moment that I regreted being a parent or my kids, even when my knuckle headed son was constantly in trouble in school and then the law.
My life was geared around nurturing, preparing and protecting them. They are all grown, I have 8 grands and one great grand all of which I am not involved with. I served my time, now it is theirs-smile.
You do have a mate/husband and if he helps,as he should, there is plenty of time to share both as a family and a couple. So you have to spend more money to date your husband. Pay it and go on a date that don't cost so much or free.
Like try taking a walk or sit in the park. Take a long slow drive to anywhere. In most areas the Park Service as well as local colleges have free concerts in the summer. Places like Borders is not a bad place to sit and enjoy each other. Some of them have free entertainment in the cafe part.
Another thought is try your local church or social service has "Parent's Night Out". There are so many factors and options. Maybe if you used the energy to seek out whats available around you instead of complaining and feeling sorry for yourself you might find out that being a parent ain't realy so bad.

Answer 7

Please ignore the judgemental self-righteous people who are suggesting that you somehow don't love your child and should give him away. They clearly aren't hearing you.

Many, many parents go through this when their kids are very little. After being a parent for six years, I'm kinda over it now. But I do remember what it was like when my oldest was little and I was suffering from baby fatigue.

Before you know it, your son will not be a little kid. He'll be graduating high school and leaving you to go off to college. Then you'll be missing these days of toddler hugs. I'm telling you this so that you can repeat to yourself, nothing lasts forever.

I do agree with the one answerer that you really need to find someone to talk to. Google moms club and see if there is something in your area that you can join. Getting together with other moms is invaluable. You will not believe how much better it will make things. You might even find someone to trade babysitting with.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I agree that there is a strong possibility you are suffering from depression you should talk with your doctor! Also even if you are not suffering from depression being a parent of a small child is hard! Try finding programs to get involved with in your area where you can meet other parents your age. Then as you get to know them plan gatherings to get to know each other have a game night they can bring their kids and you can have adult time while the kids entertain them selves with the Wiggles or other kids stuff. Also you can set up trade offs where you can watch each others kids so all the parents can have date nights. Many parents go through the same things and are too embarrassed to admit it even to them selves. I am sure you can find some like minded people and you can support each other! But again please see your doctor for an evaluation for depression!

Answer 9

First may I say... you asked the question, so here is only my opinion with some constructive advice...

I also have a couple of questions:
*Are you bad at time management?
*Do you have a moms group, friends, support system?


**Okay, im a single parent living in LA of a 4 1/2 year old little girl.. I love her more than anything but get frustrated not at being a parent, but not having my own schedule anymore... I took that responsibility it on though when I decided to have sex... Dont be selfish. its not just you... i think every parent at one time feels like they dont have their own identity ,.,.. its okay...just Get a grip and get a schedule. Get a calander and write down once a week time for yourself... (to sleep in, get a massage, pedicure, read a book.. etc. (tell your husband that you need this) and every other week, time for you and your hubby. This is essential in stress relief. If I can do it so can you... And Im in LA by myself, (I have a great babysitter and she has a good school.. but I do work 50 hours a week, and still find time for myself, her and work. So, try to write it all down, it will eliminate the feeling everyday of loss of self control which leads to frustration... good luck,

Answer 10

hey I know how you feel i am only 20 and have a 8 1/2 month old son. But what I do is my sons on a tight bed time schedule so that when he goes to bed at 9:00 me and my husband have our time till like 12:00 and it works. About going out theres is no way you can go out, without setting up babysitting plans ahead a time because thats just the way it is!!! But try setting them up on a day you and your husband have off from work and it will be worth it!!!!