I am 19 and pregnant and scared to death. I don't know what to do. The father wants nothing to do with this.

Question

I lost my virginity to him while we were dating, but after we broke up we continued to see each other. This took place even after he started dating a new girl. Well actually it was the girl he was dating before me. Anyway I knew it was wrong but I loved him and I thought he loved me. Soon after I told him I was pregnant we had a fight over what I consider a misunderstanding, he then told me that he never wanted to speak to me again. I have decided to have this child and I understand that I will be on my own. But I'm afraid that sometime in the future he or his family will want a part of the child's life this means custody hearings etc. I just don't want to ruin my life and my dreams now if someone is going to mess with me and my child in the future. Is there anything I can do to make sure he can't get to my baby?

It should also be known that yes my mother does know about the pregnancy. The father is also 19. And we are both in an amazing university that does not allow unwed mothers, and I am the first in my family to go straight to a university. So yes I know what I am sacrificing.

Answer 1

couldn't you get him to sign some sort of a court order now saying he gives up full custody, he doesn't seem to want any custody now (sorry about that by the way) and that would keep him away for good?

good luck with everything, i'll pray for you

Answer 2

Girl, i know right now you don't want anything to do with this looser that took your virginity and threw you away like a rag. but you've got to realize that there are other issues involved in this child's life other than the emotional stress of having a jerk for a father.

Babies grow up and wonder where their fathers are and you are going to be the face those crying eyes are looking into with that question. What are you going to say, "Your dad was a jerk and you were an accident." ????

Not Good. You have to make a better decisionn than that, and right now at this stage YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER!

There are also health issues involved. If the child has one, you will need his family history. And I know that paternal gradparents in a situation like this can be a pain, but they also can be great support. So don't try to make this decision on emotion. Make it on real life facts.

Go ahead and call some lawyers and get some real advice and make an educated adult decision. You won't have to be afraid about the future because you decided the outcome already.

You are a smart girl, and you can do it. Just take a deep breath and relize that Mommies are the most powerful force on the planet and you are going to be one! Then take it one day at a time till you get all of this handled and don't let the fellow ruffle you. You get the best part of him (the baby) and the other girl gets his dirty underwear and morning breath!

Addition:

You don't have to give up on all your dreams, you just have to modify them to fit your new family. It sounds like you go to a religious college. If that is true, it isn't the end of the world. Just transfer to a different college and continue your education, and don't leave God out of your life. Try mercyministries.org and see if they can't help you.

Answer 3

Do some searching through legal websites but I had a friend who went through this same problem. She gave the guy three choices:

1. If he truly doesn't want to be a dad, there is a form he can sign to relinquish all parental rights to the child. This can protect you in the future and might make him think a bit more about the responsibility of being a daddy.

2. Even if he does want nothing to do with the child, the mother that stuck around vs the father that abandoned him has a lot for weight in a judges decision. And frankly, he really doesnt have a choice when it comes to child support. If he is the father, he will have to pay it (unless he signs the handy form above.) if he is ordered by a court to do so.

3. If he doesnt like either of these hardball options, then he can admit to being the daddy still have nothing to do with the child, but at least be a man and be a dad in some small way without you making his life too difficult. And he might one day, actually like it.

What he will probably try is "well, thats not my baby. Must be someone else's". Well thats when you bring out the DNA test. I know this sounds like hardball, and tough, but this is your child and this guy is not being a man. I would suggest seeing a lawyer if possible. I believe most county's have state-subsidized legal services in cases such as this. You might want to check in the legal section of Yahoo Answers instead of the pregnancy section cos they might be able to help you more when it comes to legal proceedings.

Also, what do your parents think of all this? Do they stand by you?

Anyway, good luck and congrats on the baby!

PS: In my friend's case, he saw the baby a few times and then relinquished all his rights willingly. It was very sad and heartbreaking but I guess he just really didnt want to be a dad.

Answer 4

I'm very sorry that you have to go through that. In most cases around the US majority of the court hearings when parents are fighting for custody, the mother gets the child. However, what you should do is let this guy know that you want him to be in the baby's life? Tell him that he needs to make the choice now, I would have him sign something stating that he doesnt want to be in the baby's life. That way if, later on, he decides and takes you to court, you have that paper stating he didn't want anything to do with the baby.

Answer 5

This is just my opinion. But having a baby even having one young doesn't ruin your life, you may have to put some things on hold, or changed school, since I noticed the university doesn't allow unwed mothers *which is messed up since it is no longer 1950 or something.* But I had my daughter when I was 18, things were rough but 9 years later we are doing really good, in fact me and her father got back together after 8 years of not talking so you never know how things will turn out, sometimes everyone needs time to grow up.

If you truly don't want him to be part of the childs life then don't file for child support and tell him the baby isn't his. And ingore him from here on out. Though when the child gets older, they will have questions about thier real father.

Good luck to you

Answer 6

Don't panic, be cool. You have already made the best decision you could have made my deciding to have the child. The only person that could really fight you for custody would be the father of the child and as of right now he doesn't have a case. As long as you keep your head straight and can provide for you and the child you have the custody, and his punk *** will have to pay you monthly child support till your child is 18. My sister is a single mother and had her son when she was 18, he is almost six now and one of the greatest things in my life, and for sure the greatest thing in her life, she is still single and happy where she is in life. All you need to do is find a good man who is willing to accept you and your child. I have tons of respect for you for making the decision to have the child, not many girls are strong enough to do that, so congratulations and I wish you well.

Answer 7

I don't think he'll go that far as to try for custody. But you should give him the chance to see the baby, see if he'll be a dead beat dad because then you'll want child support from him. It is complicated but my friends going through the same thing, the babies father has not been heard from since she had the baby. It's his loss though, because she's a real blessing. He might warm up to idea and want to be a part of her life. You don't want your baby NOT to have a father.

Answer 8

You decided to let your child come to Earth and it is great that you are allowing a life to live.

If you are firm on taking care of the baby after he/she is born, do make sure you have the abilities (financially, physically) to do so. Try to get your parents to understand you do not wish to kill a life and get them to accept you and your child. As for the custody matter, if you are financially stable and continue being with your child, even if the other party wants the child in the future I don't think court will give the custody to the guy since you have been with the child for a long time and you can take care of him. Work hard to be with your child.

If you are unable to take care of the child when he/she is born, do consider giving him up for adoption. Your child will have parents taking care of him/her and I am sure his/her future parents will take good care of your child.

Answer 9

Just a minute -- It is not just your child- it is his child as well. He has a right to see and have custody if he will be the better parent. How will you pay for an attorney? They cost 200-400 per hour. You can't keep him away. It you try to force him to give up rights to the child waht are you doing to your child? Doesn't the child have any rights as far as you are concerned? The child has a right to a father.

You do not know what your future will be like. You are too young to know what being a single parent is like. Your writng sounds immature. Give this baby a chance with life with a couple. After that go back to the university, graduate, and do something with your life. Do not listen to people with no future.

Answer 10

Have him sign a LEGAL document relinquishing custody, or sign away his rights to the baby. However, tell his parents that this is his baby. They may want to help you out. It will be their grandchild, and it is only fair to let them know either way. It would be unfair to the child to deprive him/her of an extended family based upon the father being a jackass. They may not want to help, but at least they will know. And do your parents know? If not, tell them as well. Sounds like you need all the support you can get right now. Hang tough! It will all work out for the best. Good luck! :)

Answer 11

First off, I think you must be a wonderful person to be taking responsibility of your actions, even if it means doing it alone.It's very brave of you. I was pregnant at 18 so I know how scared you are, trust me, you'll be just fine. Before you do anything about the father, let him think a while, let reality set in and see what he does. He may be in shock so give him a litle time.Things may turn out he wanst to be with you and help raise the baby. If this doesn't happen you can always have him sign over his parental rights. Good luck to you and your child.