Mother-in-laws?

Question

I really did not have a major problem with my soon to be mother in law until she went off on my fiance & I and started calling me a bi**h and a bad mother etc.... She had no reason to say these things in my opinion. I am not trying to get my fiance to take sides but she was. She has told him many times to leave me. In my religon when you get married you cleve unto your spouse. The before family is still important but your future family is the one that you worry about the most. I mean unless your into that you are not going to be having kids with your mother. From what my fiance has told me he has not been happy with his family life for years and now that he has found my kids and I he is finally happy with his life. Even his co-workers say that they have never seen him so happy.
I am not saying I am perfect. I just do not see how to work with a woman anymore who each time I see her she starts an arrugment because she does not approve of me being with her son. What should I do?

Answer 1

It really is her son's responsibility to handle his mother...after all he is the one who has had the life-long relationship with her. You should do your best to avoid confrontation with her, however, you do not have to tolerate being verbally attacked and do nothing to defend yourself either. See if your fiance is willing to sit her down and set some boundaries...if not then you will have to take matters into your own hands and let her know that you will not stand for being treated with such utter disrespect. Just make sure that you do not lose your temper with her...you should never allow anyone to have you losing control of yourself. If nothing works then you may just have to avoid her all together and hope that eventually she'll get the message! Good Luck!

Answer 2

I am blessed to have a wonderful Mother-in-law, but for your situation, she is seeing how much in love her son is with you and she is jealous of that so she is taking it out on you. Is he an only child? All three of you need to sit down and talk about it nicely. She needs to look at it as she is not losing a son but she is gaining a daughter and grandchildren.
If she won't come to her senses, whenever you are around her just show her love and be nice. If she start a fight, just tell her you are not going to put yourself around that, when she calms down that you can come back or she can come to your house, and that you love her( or care about her). She will come around sooner or later. She just feels your are taking her son away from her. ( Believe me, I am in my second marriage, my first my mother-in-law was the same way. My ex was an only child. She did end up coming around after I just showed her kindness. She got so bad she was walk right into my house with out even saying she was coming over knocking or anything and see if I cleaned that day. One time she walked right in and my ex and I being just married....well you get the picture. My ex wouldn't even talk to her about it, I had to.) I hope I helped.

Answer 3

If you have never done anything to deserve this treatment, from his mother, then it's doubtful that you can do to change who she is. What you can do is control your words and actions. Treat his mother with respect and courtesy, demonstrate to her (through your own actions) how she should treat others. You could also express how it makes you feel when she behaves this way towards you and tell her that your intentions are not to take away her son. If matters get too out of hand then you have every right not to subject yourself or your children to this woman. You fiance also needs to try and speak with his mother, he knows her more than you so he may be able to get through to his mother better. However, he needs to appear neutral or his mother will be very defensive and continue to behave rudely.

Answer 4

my mother in law does not like me or my kids from my first marriage. I just try to stay away as much as possible, my husband says that I am wrong but for my sanity and my kids emotional health that is what is best for us. Ask your husband to talk to her and see if that helps. Also just pray about it and leave it in God's hands.

Answer 5

Don't be around her. You don't have to be. She called you a bit*ch so be one. Treat her the way she treats you. She will get the message. Show her that you are not going to put up with it. And that she has no control over who her son gets married to. Good luck! Stand up for yourself, it worked for me.

Answer 6

Ignore her and remember this is his mom so you have to tread carefully. Families are weird like this, they get jealous when others step in and they are afraid they are going to lose the bond they have. My thought is if the bond is so strong then why does it keep coming up in conversations i am this to her or i am this to her.

Answer 7

IF YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE WHAT GOING ON THEN IT'S UP TO YOU. BUT YOU MOST BE NICE ABOUT IT. YES YOUR FAMILY IS IMPORTANT ,BUT YOU ALSO WOULDN'T HAVE YOUR FAMILY IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR AND HIS SO YOU MUST FINE AWAY TO MAKE PIECE. IF SHE WANT TO ALWAYS FIGHT ABOUT YOU AND HOW BAD YOU ARE FOR HIM THEN YOU NEED TO JUST SAY THIS IS YOU TO FIGHT AND THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE IN IT BUT LET YOUR MAN KNOW THAT YOU ARE THEIR FOR HIM YOU JUST WON'T TAKE THE ABUSE ANYMORE. AND WITH THAT YOU NO LONGER WISH TO GO TO HER HOUSE IT TELL WE CAN ALL SIT DOWN AND FIX THIS.

Answer 8

You cannot make your fiance's mother like you. All you can do is be the best person God can help you to be. Pray for her - God can change hearts!

Answer 9

SORRY! maybe go to a couseller with her to try and figure things out. or get an unpartial third party to talk to her and find out her reasons.

Answer 10

Read my question......very similar to yours...you may get some hints